Do you feel that, despite all your intelligence, achievements, and promise, that your life has imploded, and that your life is not what you imagined that it would be? Are you suffering right now? Do you feel a sense of dis-ease? I hear you. Let me provide some clarity as to where you are actually at…
Are you in despair right now?
You are going to need to surrender how you are feeling. You will need to decide: Do you want to be ‘host to God’: Or ‘hostage to the ego’? The spiritual path is the path of the heart. But before you can live from your heart both your mind and your heart need cracking open. It sounds like that is happening – that’s why you are reading this article.
First, you need to learn the principles of a spiritual journey. Every thought we think leads deeper into love or deeper into fear. The problem with the world today is that humanity is not in its right mind. Love is our natural state, from which we have veered as a species, and to which we long to return. We turn away from love and then we return to love. The Universe is self-organising and self-correcting. A miracle restores the celestial order. We release the power of miracles to work on our behalf. We must be willing to perceive ourselves and the world differently. Only then does it really change. You need to learn to believe in your Self again. You have been brought to your knees so that you will pray and turn to Faith. Faith is like the pilot flying on instruments. As the Bible says in John 20:29 “Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’”
You will get through this. There is no question if the dawn will come. Whatever has happened in our lives, miracles are possible. You will need a guide: We all do, however much our ego tells us that we don’t. You need an Enlightened Witness. You see, everything has changed – you won’t recognise your new landscape. It’s the world without the veil of illusion.
Who you are is a BEing of love: Completely unaffected by the lovelessness of the world. You will be fine. All is well. Even if it feels like 'Hell' right now, all shall be well. You will see.
Yet you are wondering whether you should even be here. You wouldn’t be reading this under ‘normal’ circumstances. But I will silently surrender my judgement of your thinking. “So why are you here?” Really?
Have you lost everything? It’s ok to cry. I will meet you at the depth of your sorrow. It’s time to take off the mask and be vulnerable. Nothing else will work now. Your story, though deeply painful to you, is somewhat familiar in the annals of modern suffering. Have you lost your beautiful wife? Your large home is gone? You have lost your work? You have lost your large life?
You are living with friends or relatives trying desperately to recover your sense of self worth? And find hope for a new beginning? Understandably you are deeply depressed and in utter confusion. Have things gotten away from you? Everything?
Were you high on life and you didn’t see it coming? You were sort of high on a certain kind of life. So tell me: You used to be a big deal and now you're not. You feel like you have lost everything? You lost your way of making a living; you don't have the money to pay rent, and you're living at a relative’s house? Have I got this right?
Yes? So, in other words, there's nothing more to lose: There's no facade to hold up. You can finally relax because you've fallen all the way down? Does any little part of you feel relieved? Have I struck a chord? Sometimes is when things are this terrible that they start to get better: Your entire life feels broken, I understand that.
But are you open to the possibility that anything good could come from this? You feel that it can't be worse? And you’re here so obviously you are looking for some hope. There is a Zen Buddhist saying about "Emptying your cup so it can be filled." Sometimes the best thing that can happen is that our lives become empty so they can be filled again with something better. I think that on a subconscious level you emptied your cup. A year ago you wouldn't have heard a word I am saying. You were insane. Your bud was tightly closed. But where you are in your life right now, you are open in a way you would not have been before. You are seeking help and you have developed some humility before someone who might be able to provide some. Having lost everything that the world had to offer or you think, you can now hear some ideas that don't fit your normal thought patterns. Sometimes when we feel that all hope is lost, a better life begins to emerge…
The wall encasing your heart is cracking open. It's when the ego says “It's all over” that God says “Now, we can begin.” This is the Truth. What does that look like? Your pride has been destroyed by all this right? You have grieving to do over your old life that is well and truly over., including the people that you have lost.
You are like a physical trauma victim, bleeding and fractured and in great need of a salve. My words will not be an agitant to your pain. Was that life that you were living really working for you? Or did it just tick off the wants of your external validation? Because you destroyed it yourself, you know. No-one else was able to. You ran your train off the track as subconsciously you knew that this wasn’t the life that you were born for.
None of that stuff happened out of nowhere. You subconsciously ripped apart your own life. Do you know why you did that? Were you crazy? I hear you. You were definitely crazy to subconsciously self-sabotage. But on another level you weren’t crazy at all to blow it all up. That life that you had created was unsustainable. It was a tall tree with very shallow roots. The Universe always destroys what is ultimately unsound, but it doesn't destroy you. In fact, all those things were coming down around you, so that the real you, your soul, could rise up. I know that it doesn’t feel like that yet. But it will. Even our mistakes can lead us to a better place. Once we surrender to what we obviously hadn't been surrendered to before, the issue is to now become who you weren't before so you can start again from a different place.
Is there any way that you're a better person for having gone through all this already? There is a lot to deconstruct here. You're going to have to look at issues that your entire life was set up to help you avoid. Like why you wanted to live such a grandiose life to begin with when you knew it wasn’t the life that your soul wanted.
A lot of self-hatred was bound up in all that behaviour you know. And if you want to heal and start over you're going to have to look at all of this. And it will feel horrible at times: It will feel like you're sticking needles in your eyes. But your willingness to do it - to face what really happened here; and forgive your Self and everyone else for their mistakes is everything. There is bad news here, but there's good news too. The bad news is you lost everything. But the good news is you're down to your true authentic, heartbroken Self now. I know you're humiliated, and you hate yourself, and you're frightened at the moment, but be very clear you set this up because on some level, subconsciously, you wanted it to happen. You wanted that entire ridiculous lifestyle to crash, because as you knew, on some level, that it was bull. You turned a lot of things into idols, and idols always fall. And you wanted to lose everything because you knew on some level it was the only way you would humble yourself enough to ever know anything that was real or important. Are you nodding?
To you right now it seems like the worst thing that could have happened has happened. But you will slowly see that this could also be the best thing. Most importantly that it was an inevitable thing: For a house comes down when its foundation is unsound. Recognising that you can rebuild your life from a new foundation.
You have a lot of shadows that you need to face. The process will not be fun. But it is also true that you are getting your first glimpses of the spiritual journey. Discovering a path filled with light that will take you out of your current darkness: Using this experience to mine the inner gold of self-awareness and Self-realisation. You will learn to realign your thinking; forgive your Self and others, and rise to a better place than you have ever been. Your mistakes don't make you less lovable. I know you feel like you're unloveable, but you're not. Everyone makes mistakes in choosing their life path. You might not believe me when I say this but a time will come when you will value some things you never valued before and you won't even care that much what it took to get you there. You will discover the power of gratitude. You're finally getting sane enough to know what's really important.
I know it's a terrible ego bruise that you lost so much. I know you're depressed and shattered right now - it happens. But welcome to the club. You and I, and pretty much everyone at some point, have swerved from who we really are and then crashed against a wall. It doesn't mean we're any worse than anyone else. It’s the human condition. You had to have been very powerful to subconsciously mess things up so badly don't you think? Proud days soon pass. But this too shall pass. You were a bit of a golden Prince. That’s why you, and no-one else saw it coming. And you got struck down because it had to happen. For all your talent and all your intelligence, the Universe had to show you who's God. This was all just one huge initiation actually and now you will become a King: Inside, for real. Hail you!
This is going to make you more merciful to others when you see all the mercy God's going to show you. The point here isn't that a career will come back, though if you work for it then of course it will. The point isn't that you'll get back on your feet financially, though in time I know you will. The point isn't that you'll love again, though you know as well as I do that of course you will. Yet none of those things will represent your triumph. There is no reason to do anything or even to live at all except to become the man you are capable of being once you see this this blazing light of spiritual realisation that all of us are bound to see in time. Then everything else will follow - you'll fall to your knees and then rise to new heights. All the good things will come back again, but this time they'll be built on a solid foundation, and this time they will stay.
You are starting on a new journey. You will have to go through this 'dark night of the soul' and learn from it. It won't be easy but if you are prepared to begin, let me know. There will be books for you to read. Spiritual paths for you to discover. You are starting on your very own Hero’s Journey. And most importantly insights and epiphanies about your Self and your life that you would not be privy to unless you do the deep inner digging necessary. Your experience will turn into diamonds that will illumine your life if you allow them to.
You will need to surrender the pain that is in your heart, as well as your shame and your loss and devastation. All darkness will be turned to light. Your life will begin again. We will restore your soul and bring you peace. I will comfort you in this painful hour, that you might see again your innocence and good.
In order to create their beautiful plumage, peacocks sometimes eat thorns. Hard pointed razor-like objects are processed in their abdomens and then contribute to feathers with colours and shapes unmatched throughout nature for their extraordinary beauty. So, it is with us. Often that which is the hardest to digest; to process; to integrate into our life experiences is what ultimately transforms us in a positive way. We become who we are meant to be sometimes by having to eat some hard-edged bitter thorns of human experience. We are all the same. Who among us hasn't stumbled? We failed at relationships and then those failures propelled us to more deeply understand what relationships are for and how to master the art of loving unconditionally.
We grieved the loss of a loved one, and then came through the experience more appreciative of every day we have with those we love. We lost at business and then look back at the loss as the business education we obviously needed. We were betrayed and then experienced the incredible power of forgiveness. We made mistakes and experienced God's mercy as we acknowledged, atoned for, and made amends for them all. Anything and everything can be a platform for a miracle. Sometimes it is our suffering that mysteriously delivers us to the holiness within ourselves. Having tasted that which is most bitter we often taste that which is most sweet. Our hearts having been broken they then can break open. The tiny light of hope that we glimpse in the midst of our suffering can become a light so bright that the immensity of its power seems second only to the depth of its tenderness.
Having entered the regions of our personal hopelessness we find at last where true hope lies. We come to understand more clearly who we are and why we are on the Earth. The light that can lead us out of suffering leads us into the arms of God. The most depressed periods of life can be initiations into our spiritual power. As we come to take an honest look at the deeper forces at play in our personal dramas. Such is the spiritual path and it is indeed a Hero's Journey. It is the journey away from the ego’s destructiveness as we rise however bloodied from the climb to the emotional peak of nakedness before God, there to drop our masks and embrace our true Selves. Of course it is painful to endure the death throes of the false self, the ego. That self-sabotaging enemy who, if allowed to, runs rampant through every corner of our lives. But as false parts of our personalities begin to die, the Truth of who we are gets a chance at last to breathe.
Every thought of fear; every behavioural pattern that is based on fear; and every mask we wear that is filled with fear; is hiding a light so bright within us that its gorgeousness exceeds the beauty of any beauty in the world. And that light is the ultimate deliverance from suffering. The realisation that we can be better people because of it. The spiritual journey from emotional pain to inner peace involves a transformation of our personalities. From being someone weakened by suffering to someone honed by it. Yes we must look at the darkness within ourselves and forgive others for the darkness that we see within them. In order to experience the miracle of love that only forgiveness brings yet in doing so we emerge victorious. We reintegrate the dissociated pieces of personality that lie submerged within the dark caves of fear into which they had been cast by the ego mind. Slowly perhaps, but surely, we are led by God to emerge at last into the light of our true Selves. And within that light endless miracles abound. For miracles occur naturally is expressions of love. We grow less imprisoned by our fears as we release them to the thoughts of love. No longer in denial about our issues we atone and learn to forgive ourselves. The longer blaming others, we are able to forgive them. We experience a child-like surrender into the arms of God. An experience of cosmic reparenting from which we grow at last into the adults we were meant to be. The ego would have us cower in a state of endless infantilisation and victimhood. God would have a stand up tall; the mantle of Grace, power, and victory around us. This is the greatest story - the story of all stories. And it is the story of every one of us.
You will rise again. We will lift you up and give you strength. We will set your feet upon the path to peace. I know that you are crushed by your failure. You will discover who you truly are. Your tears shall be no more. There will be a lightness in you that you don’t feel yet.
Paramahansa Yogananda wrote that "Through every trial we grow. All suffering we experience has a meaning. Though it seems very cruel, it is like the fire that smelts the iron ore: The steel that emerges from that furnace is beautifully strong, useful for many purposes." There is even a Latin expression for it: 'Dulcius Ex Asperis', which means sweeter after difficulty.
Shall we begin?...
Namaste.
These are the emotions that I have covered for you in my series on emotions (click on the link to be taken to them):
Let me know if you would like to continue this conversation...
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Hello,
I am very pleased to meet you. Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my website for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching.
See you soon,
Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.