As my mother lies on her deathbed, I thought it would be time for me to put Attachment Theory to the test. But first, do you know your own attachment style? If not then click on this button for a free, quick, and easy attachment style assessment:
Attachment to our parents
What is attachment theory?
Attachment theory focuses on relationships and bonds (particularly long-term) between people, including those between a parent and child and between romantic partners. It is a psychological explanation for the emotional bonds and relationships between people.
This theory suggests that people are born with a need to forge bonds with caregivers as children. These early bonds may continue to have an influence on attachments throughout life.
History of Attachment Theory
British psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist. He described attachment as a "Lasting psychological connectedness between human beings." Bowlby was interested in understanding the anxiety and distress that children experience when separated from their primary caregivers.
Bowlby observed that feedings did not diminish separation anxiety. Instead, he found that attachment was characterised by clear behavioural and motivation patterns. When children are frightened, they seek proximity from their primary caregiver in order to receive both comfort and care. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development. I never had this. My father was told to leave by my mother when I was two years bold. My mother was emotionally abusive, dysfunctional, and absent.
Within attachment theory, infant behaviour associated with attachment is primarily the seeking of proximity to an attachment figure in stressful situations. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in social interactions with them and who remain as consistent caregivers for some months during the period from about six months to two years of age. During the latter part of this period, children begin to use attachment figures (familiar people) as a secure base to explore from and return to. Parental responses lead to the development of patterns of attachment. These, in turn, lead to internal working models that will guide the individual's feelings, thoughts, and expectations in later relationships. Separation anxiety or grief following the loss of an attachment figure is considered to be a normal and adaptive response for an attached infant. These behaviours may have evolved because they increase the probability of survival for the child.
Attachment is an emotional bond with another person. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. He suggested that attachment also serves to keep the infant close to the mother, thus improving the child's chances of survival.
Bowlby viewed attachment as a product of evolutionary processes. While the behavioural theories of attachment suggested that attachment was a learned process, Bowlby and others proposed that children are born with an innate drive to form attachments with caregivers.
Throughout history, children who maintained proximity to an attachment figure were more likely to receive comfort and protection, and therefore more likely to survive to adulthood. Through the process of natural selection, a motivational system designed to regulate attachment emerged.
The central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to an infant's needs allow the child to develop a sense of security. The infant learns that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world.
So what determines successful attachment? Behaviorists suggest that it was food that led to forming this attachment behaviour, but Bowlby and others demonstrated that nurturance and responsiveness were the primary determinants of attachment.
In her research in the 1970s, psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded greatly upon Bowlby's original work. Her groundbreaking "strange situation" study revealed the profound effects of attachment on behaviour. In the study, researchers observed children between the ages of 12 and 18 months as they responded to a situation in which they were briefly left alone and then reunited with their mothers.
Based on the responses the researchers observed, Ainsworth described three major styles of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent-insecure attachment, and avoidant-insecure attachment. Later, researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth attachment style called disorganised-insecure attachment based on their own research.
A number of studies since that time have supported Ainsworth's attachment styles and have indicated that attachment styles also have an impact on behaviours later in life.
Harry Harlow's infamous studies on maternal deprivation and social isolation during the 1950s and 1960s also explored early bonds. In a series of experiments, Harlow demonstrated how such bonds emerge and the powerful impact they have on behavior and functioning.
In one version of his experiment, newborn rhesus monkeys were separated from their birth mothers and reared by surrogate mothers. The infant monkeys were placed in cages with two wire-monkey mothers. One of the wire monkeys held a bottle from which the infant monkey could obtain nourishment, while the other wire monkey was covered with a soft cloth.
While the infant monkeys would go to the wire mother to obtain food, they spent most of their days with the soft cloth mother. When frightened, the baby monkeys would turn to their cloth-covered mother for comfort and security. Harlow's work also demonstrated that early attachments were the result of receiving comfort and care from a caregiver rather than simply the result of being fed.
The presence of a supportive attachment figure is especially important in a child's developmental years. I never has this, which explains so much of my unconscious behaviour as an adult. How about you?
The quality of social engagement is more influential than the amount of time spent. The biological mother is the usual principal attachment figure, but the role can be taken by anyone who consistently behaves in a "mothering" way over a period of time. Within attachment theory, this means a set of behaviours that involves engaging in lively social interaction with the infant and responding readily to signals and approaches. Nothing in the theory suggests that fathers are not equally likely to become principal attachment figures if they provide most of the child care and related social interaction. A secure attachment to a father who is a "secondary attachment figure" may also counter the possible negative effects of an unsatisfactory attachment to a mother who is the primary attachment figure.
In infants, physical separation can cause anxiety and anger, followed by sadness and despair. This characterised my childhood. By age three or four, physical separation is no longer such a threat to the child's bond with the attachment figure. Threats to security in older children and adults arise from prolonged absence, breakdowns in communication, emotional unavailability or signs of rejection or abandonment.
In the early days of the theory, academic psychologists criticised Bowlby, and the psychoanalytic community ostracised him for his departure from psychoanalytical doctrines. However, attachment theory has since become the dominant approach to understanding early social development and has given rise to a great surge of empirical research into the formation of children's close relationships. Later criticisms of attachment theory relate to temperament, the complexity of social relationships, and the limitations of discrete patterns for classifications. Attachment theory has been significantly modified as a result of empirical research, but the concepts have become generally accepted. Attachment theory has formed the basis of new therapies and informed existing ones, and its concepts have been used in the formulation of social and childcare policies to support the early attachment relationships of children.
Modern attachment theory is based on three principles:
Bonding is an intrinsic human need.
Regulation of emotion and fear to enhance vitality.
Promoting adaptiveness and growth.
The stages of attachment
Stages of Attachment. Credit to VeryWell Mind
Researchers Rudolph Schaffer and Peggy Emerson analysed the number of attachment relationships that infants form in a longitudinal study with 60 infants. The infants were observed every four weeks during the first year of life, and then once again at 18 months.
Based on their observations, Schaffer and Emerson outlined four distinct phases of attachment, including:
Pre-Attachment Stage
From birth to 3 months, infants do not show any particular attachment to a specific caregiver. The infant's signals, such as crying and fussing, naturally attract the attention of the caregiver and the baby's positive responses encourage the caregiver to remain close.
Indiscriminate Attachment
Between 6 weeks of age to 7 months, infants begin to show preferences for primary and secondary caregivers. Infants develop trust that the caregiver will respond to their needs. While they still accept care from others, infants start distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar people, responding more positively to the primary caregiver.
Discriminate Attachment
At this point, from about 7 to 11 months of age, infants show a strong attachment and preference for one specific individual. They will protest when separated from the primary attachment figure (separation anxiety), and begin to display anxiety around strangers (stranger anxiety).
Multiple Attachments
After approximately 9 months of age, children begin to form strong emotional bonds with other caregivers beyond the primary attachment figure. This often includes a second parent, older siblings, and grandparents.
Factors that influence attachment
While this process may seem straightforward, there are some factors that can influence how and when attachments develop, including:
Opportunity for attachment: Children who do not have a primary care figure, such as those raised in orphanages, may fail to develop the sense of trust needed to form an attachment.
Quality caregiving: When caregivers respond quickly and consistently, children learn that they can depend on the people who are responsible for their care, which is the essential foundation for attachment. This is a vital factor.
Attachment styles
There are four patterns of attachment, including:
Ambivalent attachment: These children become very distressed when a parent leaves. Ambivalent attachment style is considered uncommon, affecting an estimated 7% to 15% of U.S. children. As a result of poor parental availability, these children cannot depend on their primary caregiver to be there when they need them.
Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.
Disorganised attachment: These children display a confusing mix of behavior, seeming disoriented, dazed, or confused. They may avoid or resist the parent. Lack of a clear attachment pattern is likely linked to inconsistent caregiver behaviour. In such cases, parents may serve as both a source of comfort and fear, leading to disorganised behaviour.
Secure attachment: Children who can depend on their caregivers show distress when separated and joy when reunited. Although the child may be upset, they feel assured that the caregiver will return. When frightened, securely attached children are comfortable seeking reassurance from caregivers. This is the most common attachment style.
The lasting impact of early attachment
Children who are securely attached as infants tend to develop stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety.
Research suggests that failure to form secure attachments early in life can have a negative impact on behaviour in later childhood and throughout life.
Children diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) frequently display attachment problems, possibly due to early emotional or physical abuse, neglect, or trauma.
My take on this
As Dr. Gabor Maté says - there is a conflict of the two human needs of attachment and authenticity. Attachment always trumps authenticity for survival reasons. Therefore we become inauthentic and disidentify with our soul from childhood onwards in order to try to feel unconditionally loved, which is our primary human need. Our mask becomes who we are. This is the tragedy of the human condition and for me explains all of our adult subconscious behaviour.
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