top of page
Search

Beliefs, Thoughts, and Feelings

Updated: Apr 15

How are beliefs, thoughts, and feelings related? And what can we do about them?


We are about to dive deeply into beliefs, and touch upon thoughts and feelings: For my full articles on these please see the links at the end of this article.


Beliefs precede thoughts. In turn thoughts precede feelings (please see the diagram below). Our beliefs come from either fear or love, as a result of our childhood experiences. When beliefs come from fear, they create fearful thoughts, which in turn generate fearful feelings in our body. When beliefs come from love, they create loving thoughts and feelings. Feelings are merely comments on the quality of our thinking. Love is the only reality. When we are not thinking from love we are quite literally not thinking at all: We are insane.


The belief, thought, and feeling cycle. Note also where actions and experiences come in and how they affect our beliefs


Beliefs

Beliefs can be changed. Beliefs are like a sixth sense - they filter everything that comes through our other five senses to create an internal 'reality' - an illusion - of what is outside of us. Byron Katie asks us to consider how we would feel if we changed our beliefs to positive ones. Beliefs, until we become aware of them and change them, are largely negative and may therefore also be called limiting beliefs - they are what hold us back from being limitless.


Fools Crow, Lakota said that "The mind's eye changes the way we judge things."

In other words "What you see is what you get." Our head has inside it a movie projector that projects out from our foreheads and shines on a screen a picture of our true thoughts. This is our reality. We can only see what we project (our beliefs). If we believe someone is an idiot, every time we see them, we reflect our beliefs about what we think about that person, and that is all we can see. Even if someone tells us this person is a kind, loving, caring, intelligent individual, we wouldn't be able to see it. If we change our belief about them, that person will change, and so will our judgement about that person.  


Negative core beliefs are like booby traps. When we speak to people we think “When you get to know the real me you won’t love me”. Replace this core belief with “I am lovable and I am worthy of having my needs met”. We then stop looking for proof that we are unworthy and also for proof that we are worthy. We need to work on this as a daily practice as our parents hard-wired these negative core beliefs into us. These core beliefs can lead to negative thoughts and feelings.


Thoughts

Thoughts are like a train - we can choose to board them or not depending on their destination. Fearful thoughts lead to horrid places. Loving thoughts lead to spiritual bliss. Mark Twain wrote "Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... By the ears, by the heels or any other way you can manage it. It's the healthiest thing anybody can do."


Feelings

Feelings are like a wave - they always pass. The trouble with feelings comes when we try to suppress or fight them rather than riding the wave. If we have not yet changed our beliefs and therefore our thinking we can interrupt the 'damage' at the feeling level - by letting the wave pass once we have felt it fully: Surrender our feelings.


Surrendering your feelings means to allow your emotions to rise and fall naturally, without trying to stop, suppress, or control them. Once an emotion has passed, you feel better, and you are able to return to a state of peace and calm. The opposite of surrendering and emotional resilience is seen when people are stiff, reserved, bottled up inside, censorious, aloof, proud, repressed, or remote. In all of these cases past experience has made certain emotions unacceptable. The only way to deal with them then is through avoidance. One is reminded of the adage that trees can be blown over by a storm while grasses bend without breaking. “Bend like a reed in the wind” as Sting said in the original version of the film Dune.


Gita Bellin wrote that “The fastest way to freedom is to feel your feelings.” Many of us were taught in childhood that feelings should be avoided. Some think that any kind of vulnerability should be hidden, and most feelings can make us feel vulnerable. Many of us don't even know what their feelings are; many others recognise their feelings but have never learned how to express them to others. When we found our addictions and codependencies, they quickly became handy ways to hide from feelings. But that only served our false sense of security. We honestly feel our feelings because they allow us to live more fully.


Putting it all together: Beliefs, thoughts, and feelings

Sometimes a movie is more than a movie: 'The Matrix', the iconic film which came out in 1999, was a science-fiction hit, but it also contained a disturbing image of reality. People went through their everyday lives not knowing they were trapped in an all-embracing AI creation: The Matrix. Nothing they saw around them was anything but a kind of virtual reality created by this monstrous machine. As the plot unfolded, a messiah, Neo, emerged known as “the One,” who penetrated the veil of illusion to unplug humanity from The Matrix once and for all. Click here for my article about the lessons from the film 'The Matrix':



Everyone has moments when life feels unreal. We respond by saying things like “This can’t be happening” or “I feel like I’m in a dream.” Such moments can be good or bad - unlike the movie, we aren’t trapped in a menacing Dystopia controlled by hidden overlords. But just as in the movie, a glimpse of the 'real reality' is the key to escaping The Matrix.


The Matrix gave a technological update to the ancient concept of Maya, the illusion of everyday life that lies at the heart of Indian spirituality going back thousands of years. It also provided motivation to escape the illusion. Accepting it passively embroiled human beings in a mechanism that drained, quite literally, the life force inside us.


That is also the motivation needed right now. Ever since the pandemic, troubled times have kept us poised on the edge of anxiety. We find ourselves enmeshed in threats and insecurity, but unlike the movie, there is no messianic hero to bring delivery. Whether you call it The Matrix or Maya, escape is a personal project. As Morpheus says to Neo in 'The Matrix' “I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.”


Social forces can drive you to participate in the matrix of fear, but society cannot get you out of it. Escape is something each person must confront on their own. I believe that freeing yourself from anxiety, threats, and insecurity is possible. More than that, you can learn how to be free of fear despite the presence of the crisis mentality that seems ever-present.


Albert Einstein said “I never said that 'Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.' It is fake news. Instead, one could say that 'The perception of reality not being real is an illusion, albeit a persistent one.' Reality is as real as it gets in this life time. Go out in Nature and you will find that reality is the ultimate manifestation of love. Reality is you and all of Nature's kind. It is very real. It is true love. Because all of Nature is a manifestation of love. And that includes you. We become detached from reality when we believe our limiting beliefs, allow ourselves to get caught up in negative thinking, and suppress our emotions so that they bubble up like a steaming cauldron.


The beliefs that we hold unconsciously have a not-so-subtle way of influencing the way we move through our lives. These core beliefs make up the way that we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. Frequently, these beliefs form in our early life and may be messages that we hear growing up that we internalise as 'truths'.


Our beliefs create our thoughts. Our thoughts include our ideas and opinions about ourselves, others and the world. The inner chatter going on in our minds has a strong influence on the way we feel. Our feelings are powerful emotional messengers that communicate to us through complex body-based channels using neurotransmitters and hormones released by the brain and body. These emotional reactions can include feelings including fear, anger, sadness, joy, guilt, shame, love, disgust, surprise, and horror.


So, our beliefs create our thoughts. Our thoughts become our feelings. Our feelings become our actions. Our actions become our results.


The way we manage our thoughts and feelings becomes our actions. Our behaviours, impulses and external reactions include the ways that we cope with difficult or dysregulated emotions. The way we act creates our results and our experiences of life. Our experiences are how we relate and respond to moments and events in our life. These experiences can either confirm or contradict our beliefs.


If you find yourself struggling with a belief system built on negativity and resulting from complex trauma, consider working with a trauma-informed therapist.


Here are some negative core beliefs that may resonate with you:

  • I am not good enough

  • I do not deserve love

  • I am unloveable

  • I am worthless / inadequate

  • I am different / don't belong

  • I did something wrong

  • I can not trust myself / my judgement

  • I am in danger

  • The world is an unsafe place

  • It is not okay to show my emotions

  • I cannot allow myself to be vulnerable

  • I can not stand up for myself

  • I am helpless / powerless

  • I have to be perfect / please everyone

  • I can't trust others / people are malicious

  • I am a failure

  • The world is unfair

  • I can’t say no to anyone

  • I will be abandoned

  • I will die


How do we shift our core beliefs? The answer is to react differently: Or rather to respond rather than react. The way we can interrupt the core belief cycle is by slowing down our external reactions, and responding in ways that are aligned with your true Self. If we can notice our thoughts and feelings and consciously choose to act differently, our experiences will change. Experiences that differ from our norm will challenge and contradict our negative beliefs. This will likely be uncomfortable to start with because core beliefs are deep rooted. Healing in this way requires openness to change and doing things differently. If you are seeking relief from the current state of your life, you will need to make changes that differ from the way you have been moving through your life thus far. Change your actions and experiences, and your beliefs will transform.


Here are a few tips:

  • Notice how you feel when you act in alignment with your Self, your experience may be expansive.

  • Challenge your negative inner dialogue by speaking to your Self with love and understanding. Offer acceptance and care to yourself verbally and internally.

  • Process your feelings! Take time to feel your emotions in your body, witness yourself in each moment and allow openness to express your experience.

  • Practice self-trust, radical acceptance, and tolerating the discomfort that arises in the unknown.

  • Notice small shifts and give yourself credit. This is not easy work. Your efforts to interrupt negative cycles and heal your Self are noble.

  • Consider working with a psychotherapist or a Transformative Life Coach (TLC), and get support transforming your experiences and healing from trauma.


Our beliefs are everything. What we understand as true, and what we know will culturally be accepted, directly impacts how we see ourselves, how we make sense of relationships and how we live our lives.

 

Intentional living requires a present focus. We can't be living today with intention if we are focused on the past. If we still hold the same black and white beliefs that we held as kids, we won’t grow. We will remain afraid. Our nervous systems will constrict in order to self-protect, and we will rob ourselves of expansion. We won’t be able to step into freedom and agency if we don’t evaluate our core beliefs. If you remain afraid to express yourself fully because you are clinging to fear of rejection, you may never experience the fullest expression of your aliveness, the most authentic version of your truest Self.


As children, we make sense of the world through simple stories. Our minds understand the ‘good guy / bad guy” dynamic, and binaries make that simple. As we mature, the stories we tell must become more nuanced and complex in order for us to grow as people. We mature into non-duality. And as the greatest author of all time, who was also a spiritual Master, William Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." If you have black and white beliefs, your life will be robbed of colour.

 

Throughout life, as your circumstances change and develop, you may feel stuck in the same patterns. Even though you grew up or moved out, you still worry you won’t be enough in the same way you worried as a child.

 

If this sounds like you, investigate your core beliefs. Make sure your beliefs are able to hold all the colour and complexity of your current life. Update your inner child by allowing yourself access to new experiences that challenge the negative belief that you are not worthy of joy, ease, and a pleasurable life.


Challenge your negative core beliefs. If you grew up believing you were not enough, and couldn’t do anything right, you would develop a strong inner critic, judge yourself harshly, and feel discouraged and frustrated. If you believe that you are not enough, you feel and act like you are not enough. Our actions, and the way we show up for our life, work, and relationships directly create our experience. So, if you believe and think and feel that you are not enough, you will act that way, and your experiences will confirm the belief that you are not enough. The opposite is also true. If you act like you are worthy of time and attention, you experience yourself as being worthy. If you offer yourself tenderness, without having to earn it, you experience yourself as enough. If you are asking yourself how you can shift out of your negative core belief systems, the answer is to act differently.


It is up to you, which beliefs you want to be true about your Self. Make a commitment to yourself to try out new ways of BEing. This is how we realign with our Truth. By identifying these new ways of BEing, you will remember and redraw the spiritual blueprints for your inner home. Make sure your new ways of BEing create space to host all parts of you. As you draw up the floor plan for your inner home, make sure there is room for growth, space to transform, and connections to sustain. You can’t rush your healing. Allow time to carry its teachings. Nature will do its job, just as it does with a physical wound. Be patient. Trust the process.


Realising what matters in life and what does not is like lifting the veil of 'The Matrix' to finally see the world clearly through fresh eyes. When it is your belief that the world is full of reasons to be negative, everything you see is filtered through that veil of negativity, effectively filtering any positivity out.  


If it is your belief that nothing ever goes your way in life, you are filtering out everything that is going your way. If it is your belief that  you will never find peace and happiness, you are filtering out everything in your life that would bring what you are looking for.


For as long as the veil remains in place, you remain set in your view of the world and set in your ways. Lifting the veil is opening your eyes and your mind to all that is around you and realising that you have all you need. It has just been hidden from view. Believe that the life you long for is possible, and it can be yours. To manifest and achieve in abundance, you must first believe it and have Faith it will be.


Letting go means to allow emotions to rise and run their course without attaching any thoughts to them. You may need to do this more than once for an emotion. What replaces it is a peaceful positive feeling. 


Dr Wayne Dyer wrote that “The only limits you have are the limits you believe.”


Byron Katie wrote "Other than what you're thinking and believing, aren't you actually perfect, right here, right now?" She also famously wrote "I don't let go of my stressful thinking - I question it. Then it lets go of me."


It has nothing to do with how many times you win or lose. It has everything to do with having the vision to dream through expanded consciousness, the courage to recover from 'adversity' and the determination never to be shifted from your God-given purpose.


Nothing binds you except your thoughts. Nothing limits you except your fears and nothing controls you except your beliefs.


Get out of your head: It’s a dangerous neighbourhood - you are going to get mugged. When you are stuck in your mind (ego) you are behind enemy lines.


In this article we have dived into how to manage dysfunctional core beliefs. We have also touched upon thoughts and feelings. To read my full article on thoughts click here:



To read my full article on feelings click here:



I have written a number of other articles on these topics that you can browse here:



Conclusions

Do you want to become more "Self-aware'? The rewards of doing this in a guided way are infinite. The path will be made straight-forward in a three-part series of articles dealing with reengineering your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions, creating powerful outcomes and results for you. These articles involve neuroscience, positive psychology (which is a component of Transformative Life Coaching (TLC)) spirituality, and deep timeless philosophical Truths. For the first article in series click here:



George Bernard Shaw wrote that “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” Are you ready to change your mind?


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



Email me: 





Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”







Click here for the books that I know will help you along your journey of recovering your Self:









I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.




Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.

 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page