top of page
Search

Choosing Triumph Over Tears

Updated: Jul 11, 2024

No one book, healing session, spiritual practice, or religious service is going to stop all our tears. The spiritual medicine that heals our sadness is not a pill or a shot. It is an internal process of awakening from a dream that is posing as reality. Given that our entire culture is predicated on thoughts that separate us, belittle us even to ourselves, and breed fear of anyone and everything; it is no surprise so many people feel as though they live under a very dark cloud.



Your true Self knows you are one with the Universe; created in the perfect image of God, eternally innocent, blessed, and protected: You are here only to remember who you are, and to love and forgive. This true Self, by whatever name we call it, be it your soul, the true you, or your spirit, is obscured beneath layers of illusion. At this point your true Self is so used to crouching within the cage to which the ego has assigned it, it's as though it has forgotten how to stand forth in all its glory.


We lack the psychological skill sets that lead to joy. We cultivate the emotional habits of sadness more than the emotional habits of joy. We've been so trained to think thoughts of fear, drama, conflict, and attack, that the mental musculature that supports our joy has shrivelled: And it is up to each of us to rebuild those muscles. No different than it is up to us to strengthen the muscles of our bodies. We generally agree that we are responsible for many things about our lives but somehow not our emotional landscape. In fact, joy derives from a decision we make - we might not be full of joy today but as long as we've developed the musculature of joy then we will find the internal strength to return to it.

People for the most part go through crises the way we go through life in general. If I consistently perceive myself as at the mercy of the changing tides of circumstance, projecting onto people or things that they are the source of my happiness or unhappiness (emotional insobriety) then I am bound to cry and get angry when the person or circumstance doesn't do as I wish. That is the behaviour of a petulant child, however old you are. At that point I will be tempted to hold a grievance against that person or circumstance, which will only increase my own pain. My mind therefore is the source of my sadness. And my mind is the source of my joy. Only I get to choose how I use my mind, but how I choose to use it will determine whether I'm on my way to pain or on my way to peace.


We are so sucked into a modern brew of loveless perceptions that we are tempted to think that we have no choice. And that right there is where the awakening begins. We do have a choice. We always have a choice.


Deciding to be full of joy: From Buddha’s eightfold path, to the Ten Commandments, to the workbook of ‘A Course In Miracles’, Any serious spiritual teaching involves more than a prescription for feeling ‘good’. Enlightenment is serious work. In order to survive and thrive, humanity must disavow a fictional worldview that poses as reality. Spirituality is a radical realisation that the body’s senses tell us lies. Our mind is our sixth sense and modifies everything that comes into our consciousness. Time is not what it appears to be. The Universe is more malleable than we thought. At first all this is a terrible shock but ultimately it becomes such a joy to know. While it rattles us at first to learn that we're not who we think we are and the world isn't what we thought it was, once it finally hits us what that means - then it's a source of complete relief.


This moment of realisation; this surrender of limited perspective and openness to miracles; signifies the death of the ego. But like Pharaoh responding to Moses’ demand that the Israelites be released from slavery the ego says “Nope, not so fast.” One moment of egolessness is not necessarily followed by a moment of more egolessness, so much as by a moment of panic. The ego puts up some strong defences - too much love will not be tolerated; and too much forgiveness will simply ‘not do’. How attached we are at times to our suffering. To the ego, after all, pain is a peak experience. We are addicted to pain. In certain ways we've created a cultural propensity to what author Caroline Myss calls ‘woundology’. We get more support in our society for the places where we are wounded then for the places where we are healed. We are more apt to find camaraderie among those who share our tears than among those who share our joy. We live in the fake victim culture of ‘The Drama Triangle’, where those ‘victims’ are wolves masquerading as helpless grannies. There is an emotional art to balancing the allowance of our suffering with the certitude that “This too shall pass”. And that certainty doesn't just rest on our Faith in God; it must rest on our Faith in ourselves.


We must develop a way of talking to ourselves much like the way we talk to our children. “I will survive this because I choose to survive this.” There is a difference between a dark valley where you know God walks with you and a hellish descent into a bottomless abyss. The bottomless abyss is not of God, and if you ever find yourself falling into it, get on the case with whatever tools come into your mind – outreach, journalling, yoga, meditation, prayer, recovery meetings, etc. “Satan get thee behind me” works. Imagining a crucifix thrust toward a vampire works. Falling to your knees and crying “God please help me“ works. Because you must get up: We need you here. Perhaps your children need you. Or your partner needs you. And even if neither of those exist, the world still needs you. For you, like everyone, are a precious child of God. And there would be a huge hole in the Universe if you decided to check out. Suicide is not an option: It’s the ultimate violent act towards your Self, and benefits no-one. I do not say this lightly.


Perhaps you cannot see your strengths, but they are within you, because God put them there. Perhaps you cannot see a future, but it exists in the mind of God. Perhaps you cannot imagine being happy again, but you will be, because God has heard your prayer and has miracles in store for you. The ego torments you, as it torments us all, but the ego is a liar and what it says to you is not true. You are not dried up, or useless, or damaged, or broken, or a failure, or a loser, or a problem to have around. As long as you are alive, and even longer, you are of infinite value. You are unique and have a unique contribution to give to this Universe. You are God's eternally innocent creation; no matter what anyone thinks of you, or what anyone has done to you, or anything you've done wrong, or any failure you might have experienced. This is spiritual Truth.


As low as you feel you might have fallen that is how high you will rise in God. He will gently scoop you up in his hands and lift you to the highest heights. And he will do this for his sake, not because you're a nice person, which you may or may not be; he will do it because that is what love does. Because he cannot turn his back on his children; though we so consistently turn our back on him. He will do it because his creativity and his mercy are without end. He will do it not just because he loves you but because he is love. And his love is infinite. You're cowering beneath the weight of the ego’s monstrous force is not God's will for you or or anyone. Love is the victor - the battle has already been won. You do not have to fight for the victory but simply accept it as already accomplished. For only love is real, no matter what shape or size or form the nightmarish hallucination might now be taking in your life.


Hold on, be strong, have Faith, until tomorrow comes. For no Dark Night of the Soul has ever not been followed by the glorious radiance of God's new day. Surrender to him. And ask him to help you. Then get up, wash your face, dry your tears, and show up to help someone else: Someone who is having as hard a time, perhaps even harder holding on today, as you are turning your compassion to their weakness you will find your strength.


None of us ever knows what suffering lurks beneath the brave exterior of anyone we meet. Behind every door of every house there is at least one person who feels like they are in hell right now. But it is reasonable to assume that no matter what suffering we have endured, whoever stands to our left, and whoever stands to our right, have suffered as much as we have. A deep river of agony underlies the templates of mortal consciousness. As all of us struggle mightily to survive in a world that refuses to see us or hear us or love us as we would wish to be seen, heard, and loved. Feeling that way does not make you odd it makes you human. This is the human condition and is why we should all show compassion for one another, rather than bickering, victimising one another, projecting, and hating, like bullies in a school playground. It means you feel the exquisite pain of being a stranger in a strange land. And you have made your way to the extraordinary realisation that the material world is not your home. The fact that you cannot bear it here is entirely valid. The point is understanding this is not the end it is the beginning you are not at home in this world, but you are at home in the arms of God; a truer Truth. He has sent you here to reclaim this plane of existence for the light that is at the heart of all things. Earth has been held hostage for a very long time. The human race imprisoned here within our own minds seemingly limited to the very small pieces of joy the ego will allow. But you are not here to be a prisoner in this world: You're here to help set it free.


Has not your suffering helped in some way? To make you more aware of humanity's frailty? And the universality of the human condition? Has it not expanded your compassion for those who walk with you? Has it not in some way prepared you for a larger life?


When you remember who you really are and the glorious purpose of your existence here then you will fall to your knees again, this time not in pain, but in gratitude. Overwhelmed by the blessing and privilege of having been given such a miracle as this life you get to live you will ask that God make of you a shining star in the darkened skies of the world that you might represent his love and reflect his goodness for those who cry as you have cried. Whatever problems you have, simply put them in his hands now. He will handle them for you as he turns you into someone who can handle them your Self.


You will emerge much stronger and be ready to work miracles in the lives of others as God worked miracles in yours. God Himself will wipe away all tears and that will wipe away all doubt. When the morning comes you will hardly remember the pain of this dark night. The memory will only appear when it is useful for you to remember. That others might be strengthened by you, and you be strengthened by them. Look forward, not backward. To the light and not to the dark. To God and not to anyone or anything less powerful or pure, for only God is God, and only God can do what your ego says cannot be done: Lift you up and raise you high. The darkness has no power before the light within your heart. Be patient, give it time if it needs time. God will give you back not only the life you thought you lost but also one you never dreamed possible. Having suffered you will have a taste for sweetness and a talent for joy and an appetite for peace. You will be a bearer of sweetness and a bearer of joy and a bearer of peace. For your sake, for God's sake, and for the sake of all the world. Such other rewards of holding on and trusting in God. For God is good God is great and God is True. Amen…


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


I work with men who want to find their true Selves. Let me know if you would like to continue this conversation...






Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.


“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.” Olly Alexander Branford


My coaching themes and services for men: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.


Click here to read all my articles:


Suggested Reading

Click here for the books that I know will help you along your journey of recovering your Self:

Hello,

I am very pleased to meet you. Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my website for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching.

See you soon,

Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD


Click here for my glossary:


Click here for my website:


Click me to contact me:


Click here for my free eBook all about Enlightenment:


Click here for my LinkedIn profile:


Click here for my Medium articles:


I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.

 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page