Cry Like A Man
- olivierbranford
- Jan 11
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 25
Why do we say after something negative happens to us "I cried like a baby"? Why can't we say "I cried like a man." Because in our society, men are not allowed to or expected to cry. This hurts us: Deeply. Khalil Gibran wrote "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry."
I didn't cry for four decades, even after my father and stepfather died. At the age of seven, experiencing watching my mother attempting suicide with a knife in front of me, my only way to cope was to encase my heart in concrete and to never feel again. Now I cry every day - mostly for joy, but also for sadness. Crying was so cathartic this year when my mother died the day before my birthday.
Jason Wilson wrote in ‘Cry Like a Man: Fighting For Freedom From Emotional Incarceration’, which is in my 'Suggested Reading' list, that “For decades I thought power was based on how much weight you could lift and how many men you could knock out. Now I realise anyone untrained can lift a dumbbell or break a jaw. But Real Power is when a man can navigate through the pressures of this world without succumbing to his negative emotions.”
Crying like a man enables you to:
Feel and let go of emotions (you can't bury emotions forever - they are like trying to hold a football under water - it always pops up again)
Express your authentic Self and be whole
Have relationships that are based on trust and unconditional love
Grow and transform - you truly can't take the spiritual path if you don't lead with your heart
Relieve your emotional pain - every time you express how how feel with another person your pain is halved
Cry like a man
As a leader in teaching, training, and transforming boys in Detroit, Jason Wilson shares his own story of discovering what it means to 'be a man' in this life-changing memoir. His grandfather’s lynching in the deep South, the murders of his two older brothers, and his verbally harsh and absent father all worked together to form Jason Wilson’s childhood. But it was his decision to acknowledge his emotions and yield to God’s call on his life that made Wilson the man and leader he is today.
As the founder of one of the country’s most esteemed youth organisations, Wilson has decades of experience in strengthening the physical, mental, and emotional spirit of boys and men. In 'Cry Like a Man', Wilson explains the dangers men face in our culture’s definition of 'masculinity' and gives listeners hope that healing is possible.
As Wilson writes, “My passion is to help boys and men find strength to become courageously transparent about their own brokenness as I shed light on the symptoms and causes of childhood trauma and ‘father wounds’. I long to see men free themselves from emotional incarceration - to see their minds renewed, souls weaned, and relationships restored.”
Wilson wrote “Aggressively yelling at a boy is as effective as attempting to stitch up a wound with a needle and no suture. Discipline without love is ineffectual.” As men we need release from our emotional incarceration.
Vulnerability is the key to the spiritual journey. Real men cry. We evolve and transform from running our lives as our petrified 7-year-old selves until we become aware of what we are doing, open up, shed our mask, and share our emotions from our heart. You can't evolve without tears. You can't grieve without tears. You can't experience emotions and let them go without tears. The problem with not crying is that it's a potentially fatal way of engaging with the world. Click here to read my article on vulnerability:
This is why I set up my 'VOICE for men' group. You are welcome to join us. It's like 'Fight Club' without the fighting. Click here to read my article on this:
Where does this come from? Our fear of trusting and being vulnerable comes from the battle between our two competing childhood needs of attachment and authenticity. Click here to read my article on this:
For my article on 'Halting the Flight From Fully Feeling' click here:
For my article on 'Feeling is Healing' click here:
For my article on 'Even Rambo Cries' click here:
We are doing it all wrong. We are trying to escape our emotions, when they are our greatest teachers. There is no healing without feeling. Emotions are our key to freedom. Dr Wayne Dyer wrote that “Strong emotions such as passion and bliss are indications that you're connected to Spirit, or 'inspired,' if you will. When you're inspired, you activate dormant forces, and the abundance you seek in any form comes streaming into your life.” For my article on 'Emotional Emaciation and Emancipation' click here:
James Russell Lowell wrote “Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, you are dreadfully like other people.” Sharing our many experiences with our closest friends helps us understand how very similar we all are. We are unique only in the sense that each of us has a special contribution to make in life, one not quite like anyone else’s. We all suffer from the human condition, and it's curable!
Keeping secrets from others can make us fearful. We think, could they really like me if they knew this? Yet we feel profound relief when we share our most shameful secrets with our dearest friends and the men and women listening to us don’t blink an eye. The miracle is that they love us more when we take off our mask than when we try to project a persona (which is our fake self, our ego). We no longer find rewards from pretending we’re someone we’re not. Our greatest reward now is the peace we experience from not having anything to hide.
It takes time and practice to cry like a man. It's like bungee jumping - it feels terrifying before the first time that you do it. But once you have done it you just laugh...
Namaste.
Olly
Dr Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD.
Fully qualified and certified coach
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Hello,
I am very pleased to meet you. Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching.
See you soon,
Dr Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
Fully qualified and certified coach
“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”
Dr Olly Alexander Branford
My coaching themes and services for men: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.
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Suggested Reading
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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works. I have written 400 articles for you and an eBook to guide you on your transformative journey, which are all available for free on my website - click on the link below:
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Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.
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