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Do You Need Some Guidance Right Now?

Updated: Jan 25

The key to life is to know who you are and how life works. Donald Miller wrote "The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our Faith in Him, teaching us to not rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."


I truly feel that we all need guidance until we are ready to fly solo like a majestic eagle. Tina Yothers wrote "You just have to have the guidance to lead you in the direction until you can do it yourself." In my field of Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) my role is to coach you until you can coach your Self. That is why coaching does not go on indefinitely - you eventually become your own guide. I see the highest in you, your soul, until you see it for your Self.


There is no book that can teach you wisdom, otherwise library shelves would be replete with them. I believe that wisdom is the divine intuition that your soul receives from the deepest part of your psyche when you are fully present, for example during meditation. Babies are born this way - this is why they learn things so quickly. But we are conditioned out of it. Our souls are put to sleep by our parents and society, who both teach us fear, and we adopt a fake self, the ego. We need a guide to return to that way of BEing that imbibes wisdom. Human wisdom comes from those creative geniuses who can tap back into their childlike way of being before giving rise to the illusory ego. Oswald Chambers wrote "We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the divine guidance of God being exhibited through childlike people who were 'foolish' enough to trust God’s wisdom and His supernatural equipment." Dave Barry said sardonically "Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for Truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath."


The Dalai Lama said that "Wisdom is the best guide and Faith is the best companion". Similarly, the Buddha said that "Wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind. To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue." So how does one have a 'wisdom guide' with divine inspiration who taps into Universal consciousness? For that, you need someone who wants to awaken your soul; someone who has walked your path. Without this it will take more than one lifetime and you will make countless errors: W. Somerset Maugham wrote "You learn more quickly under the guidance of experienced teachers. You waste a lot of time going down blind alleys if you have no one to lead you." This person is a TLC guide or an Enlightened Witness, or both.


No less than the future of our civilisation is at stake: Harlan F. Stone wrote "Democracy cannot survive without the guidance of a creative minority."


As the famous Swiss psychiatrist, psychotherapist, father of analytical psychology, spiritual Master, and all-round legend Carl Gustav Jung wrote "There is a deep need in the world just now for guidance - almost any sort of spiritual guidance." You are in the right place: Just stay with me...


Do you need some guidance right now: Finding your true North


For my article on TLC click here:



For my article on 'Your Enlightened Witness' click here:



For my article on guidance click here:



For your 'Hero's Journey' click here:



Introduction

The right guide will teach you the wisdom to be fully present as "Be here, now", how to lose your fear, and how to accept the future with non-Judgement, non-Attachment and non-Resistance (remember the acronym JAR). Remember, as the great Bard wrote "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." As Rudolf Steiner wrote "We must eradicate root and branch any fear and dread in our soul concerning the future that is coming towards us... We must develop composure with regard to all the feelings and sensations we have about the future; we must anticipate with absolute equanimity whatever may be coming towards us, thinking only that whatever it may be will be brought to us by the wisdom-filled guidance of the Universe." This is the only way to reverse the conditioning that we were taught when we were so young, and to achieve a life of joy, peace, abundance, and unconditional love. For this, you will need a Higher Power. You didn't have one before, and look how that turned out for you. Colette Baron-Reid wrote "Faith in the guidance of Spirit gives you the courage to take risks, because you're assured that whatever happens, a Higher Power is on your side and you will survive." You need this divine source. As Leonard Ravenhill wrote "Men give advice; God gives guidance."


Maté says “There is a tremendous fear that we will re-experience the pain of childhood. People are not afraid of their future. They are afraid of the past that they couldn’t handle as they were children. With the proper support they will never be as isolated as they were before they had empathetic support.”

 

Levine’s classic response is that “Trauma isn’t what happened to us. It’s what we hold inside in the absence of the empathetic other.” How many people can truly meet another with the ultimate compassion? It’s so very rare.

 

Nkem added “We heal and we get free together.” Hallelujah!


Rilke said that "Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other."

 

The Bible states in Ephesians 1:6 “Wherein He hath made us accepted in the Beloved.”



The ego hinders our ability to hear the guidance

The reason you haven't heard the still, quiet voice of your Higher Power yet is that the conditioned ego screams so loudly and drowns out the quiet voice. Echo Bodine wrote "I've come to believe, on the journey of mine, that we have a still, small voice - and that voice does come from God. It's there to bring us comfort and to bring us guidance with everything." It takes courage and a leap of Faith to do something new, to follow the as yet unknown, and to ignore the loud, brash voice of the ego.


The first essential step is to drop or deflate your ego, as it is holding you back from a life of true abundance. Bear Grylls said that "A man's pride (ego) can be his downfall, and he needs to learn when to turn to others for support and guidance."


You will make mistakes, that's the nature of being human: You just need to stop judging your Self and keep going. Winston Churchill wrote that "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." You will need to give up trying to control people, places, circumstances, and things (emotional sobriety); in other words you will need to stop trying to control the Universe. That hasn't worked out for you either: We just can't do it, and trying to do it is the greatest source of misery. James Allen wrote "A man has to learn that he cannot command things, but that he can command himself; that he cannot coerce the wills of others, but that he can mold and master his own will: and things serve him who serves Truth; people seek guidance of him who is master of himself." Once you master your Self, people will become drawn to you.


Alice Miller, the psychologist, psychoanalyst, philosopher, and researcher on childhood trauma, described the role of an Enlightened Witness as providing emotional support and helping an individual to engage in emotional recovery. An Enlightened Witness is an individual who possesses a high level of awareness, compassion, and understanding, who may serve as a supportive presence for others as they navigate their journey of personal transformation, what Carl Gustav Jung described as 'individuation'.


So, an Enlightened Witness could be defined as someone who has been on their own journey of transformation who has the capacity to hold space for an individual (listen with laser-like focus in total presence) without judgement, offering unconditional compassion and understanding. You will most likely never have experienced this before in any situation or relationship. I will see and listen to the highest version of you, until you see it for your Self, allowing you to step into BEing, limitless possibility, with full Self-compassion. I have walked your path. I know it well. My gift is to be your guide. I will be there to hold space for your uncried tears.


Ernest Hemingway wrote "When people talk, listen completely,. Most people never listen."


As very few people truly listen, and even fewer people don’t judge, most people would benefit from having an Enlightened Witness in their lives. However, those who have experienced childhood trauma, whether they are aware of it or not, may well benefit the most. Without intervention, childhood trauma may lead to a poor parenting attachment style, dysfunctional relationships, addiction, and self-sabotage. Although this may present challenges, it does not dictate an individual’s entire life course. Indeed far from it: If compassion intervenes in the form of an Enlightened Witness. To love is to listen. People feel truly valued when listened to. This is why I love TLC coaching so much.


The presence of an Enlightened Witness can facilitate profound and deep emotional healing, and personal transformation through creating a safe and nurturing environment for individuals to explore their innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of rejection or criticism. This can be undertaken at any stage of the life path.


The most important element is for someone to fully understand, without judgement, and to listen. None of these come naturally. This is why Enlightened Witnesses are so rare. Most people that I have spoken to in my recovery are incapable of listening and are all too quick to judge. This is why the ‘Wounded Healer’ is the best person to be an ‘Enlightened Witness.’ Carl Gustav Jung, the most famous psychiatrist of all time, who was also a spiritual Master, said that "Only the wounded healer can truly heal."


Anyone who listens without judgement may be an Enlightened Witness: A therapist; a Transformative Life Coach (TLC); a totally impartial friend. The first two are trained in listening. Learning to truly listen can take many years. The advantage of the Transformative Life Coach (TLC) over the therapist is that the coach provides an accelerated pathway by asking incisive clarifying questions to direct the speaking and listening. In both my group sessions and my 1:1 coaching, people often say that they reached a point in one or two sessions with me that they had not reached in over a decade of therapy. The other risk with therapy is that a therapist who has learned their career from books is very limited: One has to be a wounded healer to truly help others. As Wiliiam Saroyan said “Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure.” People feel valued when truly listened to. Normally we are trying to fix people, which doesn't work, or we are preoccupied with our own 'stuff' so we don’t actually listen. Interjecting is your own pride. Very few don’t interject. If you listen it says that you are loving.


You will only hear the answers to your life difficulties when you verbalise them out loud to an Enlightened Witness. You need to hear your own voice.


An Enlightened Witness reminds you of who you truly are. It is likely that you won't remember who you truly are immediately, especially if your ego is strong, so you don't believe the Enlightened Witness initially. There are two ways of reminding you who you are:

  1. By seeing you and hearing/listening to you and asking incisive questions through TLC

  2. By the Enlightened Witness remembering and showing you who they are BEing. This is the place to start as the Enlightened Witness does not need your belief and Faith yet, only their own: The Enlightened witness will allow you in this way to see their Higher Selves in you


This is how you will lift your life from egocentric fear to your highest potential and possibility: Your Higher Self. You ultimately commune with the power of the Universe/love/God through the union of your two souls. There will be challenges and difficult times. Don't try to avoid them: Welcome them gratefully. See them as grand gifts from the Universe; Glorious opportunities to do what you came into the relationship, and life, to do. As it says in the book The Complete Conversations With God, A Uncommon Dialogue Books I, II and III by Neale Donald Walsch "Cultivate the practice of seeing all problems as opportunities. They are opportunities to BE and decide who you really are... Extend the depth of your vision... You will never disserve anyone by seeing more than they are showing you. There is more there: Much more. It's only their fear that stops them from showing you. If others notice that you see them as more, they will feel safe to show you what you obviously already see... People tend to see in themselves what we see in them. The grander our vision, the greater their willingness to access and play the part of them we have shown them... We give people permission to let go of every negative thought about themselves... That is the work of God. The work of the soul is to wake your Self up. The work of God is to wake everybody else up.." And we have just described how to do it. These are timeless Truths.


Fyodor Dostoyevsky, of the greatest novelists in all of world literature with many of his works considered to be highly influential masterpieces, wrote “Compassion is the chief law of human existence.” The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh consistently mentioned the importance of compassion over everything else. He said "I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion... Look at flowers, butterflies, trees, and children with the eyes of compassion. Compassion will change your life and make it wonderful.” He reminded us that action is required “Compassion is a verb.” John Holmes agrees “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” Jenni Schaefer reminds us that compassion begins with the Self and involves action. “Real hope combined with real action has always pulled me through difficult times. Real hope combined with doing nothing has never pulled me through.” We use pride to keep shame pushed down, but what we need to use is compassion.

 

The word compassion originates from the Latin compati (com means with and pati/passio means suffer) meaning to 'suffer with.' Passion means suffering and relates to the suffering of Christ on the cross. Our society is one in which we are all traumatised, even if we don't know it, and can be best described as a world where traumatised people go round deliberately traumatising other traumatised people. We are all drowning. But we are all the same. Why do people try to drown others? They do it because they are asleep and they are having nightmares that others are trying to drown them. The transformational journey is one of waking up: Compassion is an essential element of this.

 

Dr Gabor Maté describes the highest level of compassion: The compassion of possibility. When you look at even the most rejected person you see them without judgement as the full human being that they are and that can be manifested. You are aware of that possibility. This is the level of compassion that we aim for in Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). I see and speak to the highest version of a person and it brings it to life for them, free of ego. Compassion is the only thing we can actually give anyone. To see another without judgement is the first step to them having Self-compassion and Self-worth. Compassion is the antidote to shame.

 

Listening and witnessing

To listen is to be silent – in fact listen and silent are anagrams. To listen is the same as to love.


J. Krishnamurti  wrote “So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.” You are listening to Truth, which is a feeling.

 

Osho said “The essential core, the spirit of meditation is to learn how to witness.”


Miss Riley said in the film "October Sky' "Sometimes you really can't listen to what anybody else says. You just gotta listen inside." Such wise words.

 

The ‘wounded healer’

The wounded healer also heals their own wounds. In a 2024 lecture on a trauma somatics conference Peter Levine said that “Healing your Self allows you to be present with your Self and allows others to be present with themselves as well.”

 

Dr Gabor Maté added “We are always whole “Infants are born whole and totally connected to their bodies and their gut feelings. The fragmentation of the psyche results from developmental adversity. Healing means to remember your Self: Wholeness is there. Recovery means you find your Self. The fundamental wholeness is never actually destroyed.”

 

In reply to the question “What inhibits healing?”, Nkem Ndefo replied “A lack of a compassionate witness - a lack of someone who is ‘with us. I work with people who are in the thick of things.”

 


The divine nature of guidance

Guidance has firm spiritual roots. This is because our divine nature is our subconscious psyche. Thomas Merton wrote "While some men see ordinary happenings, others see divine light and guidance." Your Higher Power will reorient your true North. Dallas Willard wrote "Hearing God is about the very specific issue of what it means to live with guidance in our life."


Susan Taylor wrote "Until we make a conscious commitment to understand and embrace our spiritual nature, we will endure the ache of living without the awareness and guidance of the most essential part of ourselves."


Guidance is always available to you. Caroline Myss wrote "Do not assume that divine guidance flows only when you are in need of help. Guidance continues to flow whether or not you have problems. It transcends problems, heartbreaks, and traumas, flowing through dreams and illuminations. Whether guidance comes during times of tranquility or trauma, however, it is up to you to have the courage to acknowledge it."


Prayer, meditation, and guidance

A simple prayer of gratitude may be used to get your day rolling every day, before your morning meditation. Joel Osteen provides us with a brief one "Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your peace that rules my heart. I choose Your peace today and thank You for guiding my every step. I choose to be thankful today and bless You for Your faithfulness. In Jesus' Name. Amen." We receive intuition during meditation. Shakti Gawain wrote "We need to be willing to let our intuition guide us, and then be willing to follow that guidance directly and fearlessly."


Guidance is service and unconditional love

The Dalai Lama writes beautifully that "If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another. Those others are waiting for you now. They are looking to you for guidance, for help, for courage, for strength, for understanding, and for assurance at this hour. Most of all, they are looking to you for love." He also wrote "I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path."


Conclusions

Dr Wayne Dyer wrote "When you say yes to life, you attract divine guidance. When you're inspired, you're collaborating with fate. Everything starts working for you."


Eckhart Tolle has the final word "True creativity flows only from stillness. When stillness (the unconscious) becomes conscious, the spiritual dimension enters your life and you begin to be guided by an intelligence far greater than the human mind."


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



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Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”







Click here for the books that I know will help you along your journey of recovering your Self:









I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.




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