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Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and Beauty

Updated: Jan 25

How I either react or respond to anything is how I live. The key is to respond, and never to react. How I live is based on how I interpret what happens to me. The most remarkable stories of human triumph over tragedy have been those who respond to pain, suffering, grief, and loss with a brave heart.


That’s why psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross observed that people who find their way out of pain are the most beautiful. She said, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.” It’s a powerful truth that can redefine your life. Her wisdom is real.


Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.”


We spend so much of our lives running from pain. It’s natural. Who wants to suffer? You don’t. I don’t either. But Kübler-Ross notes that suffering is a key ingredient in becoming a beautiful human. The people who inspire us, whose stories we remember, have walked through and climbed out of the darkest places and the deepest 'Hells.' It is in the darkest cave that the greatest treasure is found.


Kübler-Ross says beauty is nurtured in the places we avoid. In the absurd. In the struggle. And in those experiences where everything seems to be falling apart. You have a chance to become something more if you can learn from almost everything and everyone. This is your chance to 'fall upwards', in the words of Father Richard Rohr. I’m not saying you should go looking for suffering. Life will hand you plenty of that without needing to search for it. But when defeat, struggle, or loss shows up - don’t run. Get past it. Face the abyss because that’s where transformation happens. That’s where you get to find out who you really are. Most people get stuck in the pain or in avoiding the pain. When life gets hard, it’s easy to want to escape: To numb the pain with compulsion or addiction, to avoid it.


But Kübler-Ross is telling us to face it. To go into the depths, because that’s where the you build a resilient mindset for the next phase of your life. She also said “Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings.”


People who do well despite everything going wrong live differently. They have built the mentality for the inevitable pain of life. They speak with a different kind of wisdom. They’re not fragile. They’re not easily shaken. Why? Because they’ve been to the abyss and made it back. They carry an attitude that can’t be faked. That’s the beauty Kübler-Ross was talking about. It’s not just in their beautiful lives but in their resilience. Resilience is not about resisting, but about how you recover,


“When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you,” notes philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.


The darkest parts of ourselves or the human experience are terrifying. But it’s also a necessary part of the stages of life. They are sources of transformation that can prepare us for living our best lives. They’re the places where you’ll discover the strength you didn’t know you had. Where you’ll find out what you’re made of. That’s what Kübler-Ross meant by “beautiful people” - not people without flaws, but people who have turned their wounds into wisdom, their pain into compassion and self-forgiveness.


The psychological truth behind Kübler-Ross’ observation is reality-shifting. The human mind is wired for comfort and to avoid pain. But when we push ourselves into discomfort, something amazing happens. We evolve. The mind stretches to build a new normal. Research shows that post-traumatic growth is real. People can come out of life’s hardest moments with more strength, clarity, and empathy. The struggle isn’t the end - it’s the beginning of something beautiful.


I’ve come across experiences - things that made me question everything. I hit rock bottom and felt broken a few years ago. “What’s the point?” was on my mind for months. But looking back, those were the times that made me stronger. What didn’t destroy me made me resilient. It made me more aware. It improved my understanding of myself. You’ve probably felt that, too, at some point in your life.


Kübler-Ross spent her life studying death, loss, and grief. She wrote a book about it: On Death & Dying. She knew firsthand what people went through when they hit their lowest points. And she found this: People who made it through the darkest times are often the ones who shine the brightest. They carry a kind of beauty that’s too original to fake. There is a light about them. It’s beauty from resilience, from knowing what it’s like to be broken and yet choosing to heal. They realise that they can never be truly broken. This truth can redefine your life if you let it. Life won’t get easier. I’ve made peace with that reality. You will face more challenges, losses, and experiences that will test you. But instead of dreading them, let them transform you to become unshakable. If you feel lost, broken, or defeated, remember Kübler-Ross’s words. You are not meant to stay in the depths. You are meant to rise from them. Your scars won’t define you, but your resilience will. And each time you rise, you become more of who you are meant to be. Every time you rise above the abyss, you become more powerful. More beautiful, in the way Kübler-Ross meant.


Imagine the next ten years of your life, but from this perspective: Every hardship, every defeat, every loss isn’t something to be feared. It’s a path to becoming the best version of your Self. And not just some filtered version, but the real you - raw, resilient, and beautifully human. What makes a person beautiful, unforgettable even, is their ability to transcend pain: To transform suffering into strength. To carry their scars with pride, not shame. You and I both know pain is unavoidable. It’s not if you’ll face suffering, it’s when. But here’s where this truth becomes transformative: Pain, grief or loss doesn’t have to be the end of your story. It can be the beginning of your evolution. That’s where the shift happens. You stop viewing your pain as a punishment and start seeing it as a catalyst: A turning point. Kübler-Ross wasn’t suggesting we celebrate pain for its own sake. She wasn’t saying suffering is noble. What she’s getting at is what pain can do for you if you let it. Suffering has this strange power. It can either break you or break you open. And the choice between those two is entirely yours. In the end, the most beautiful people are not those who have had it easy. They’re the ones who have faced defeat, struggle, and loss - and who have found their way back to the light. And that, my friend, can redefine not just the next ten years, but your entire life.


I see you, I hear you, I see the divine in you.


Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you: Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



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Hello,

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