Emotional sobriety is when what you believe about your Self matches the facts about you and you feel good about your Self. When you are emotionally sober, the input of others does not determine what you think about your Self. You are not dependent on other people, places, events, or things for your joy. You are not dependent on external validation for Self-love and Self-worth.
Emotional insobriety makes you feel afraid when everything is actually ok. Believe in your Self. Let go of outcomes. Let go of control.
Simply serve the present moment in front of you. The 12 step recovery Big Book calls emotional insobriety the root of the problem. It’s grounded in fear. It’s an emotional syndrome. It always causes us to ultimately fail unless we do something about it. Surrender it.
The path to emotional sobriety
Emotional sobriety means that we aren't emotionally intoxicated nor buffeted by the storms of our emotions.
Emotional sobriety is the diamond, the crux of it, the distillation of the most important spiritual gold, the essence of healing and recovery. It was identified by Bill W., the founder of the 12 step programmes.
Emotional sobriety occurs because our basic beliefs are false. It’s based on our most basic fear that we will be abandoned. We won’t be abandoned. We are worthy. We are loved. Our fear is that because we are unloved, unlovable and unworthy and that we will be abandoned and therefore die, because that is what happens when a child is abandoned, and we carry that fear into adulthood.
It necessitates a profound change in our entire way of thinking. This change in our thinking results in a change in our character. That change in character is the result of your actions plus Grace. You have done the inner work. Just drop the self-hatred. Accept Grace - you are touched by it. There is nothing to do apart from believe in and love your Self. God will give you those too, as Jesus said "My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one" (John 10:29-30). The best talk that I have ever heard about emotional sobriety is by Tom B.:
'Emotional Sobriety' by Tom B.
The solutions to emotional insobriety (in order to achieve emotional sobriety) are:
Surrender powerlessness over this condition - this involves Faith with action based on guidance by our Higher Power
Change from self-hatred to unconditional Self-love: Accept your Self as you are right now. The moment you accept your Self is the moment you begin to change. No more fear of not being good enough or of being abandoned. Accept all the parts of your Self as a whole (inner child, shadow and Higher Power). That’s your state of BEing. "Your Faith has made you whole" (Luke 17:19)
The negative beliefs we carry are all false. Examine your negative self-beliefs
Connect with others who are compassionate. Ideally Enlightened Witnesses
Ask for help if needed
Serve others - give to others what you want and need without expectation - give unconditional love. You will discover the great law of life - Karma: What you give is what you get. "What I do to you is what I do to me". "This is a giving life "as Chuck C. used to say. It is only in giving that we may receive
Take it easy and experience your feelings as they really are, face them square-on, and deal with them on a day-to-day basis, avoiding behaviour that you have come to identify as troublesome. In the past, we were swept away by our emotions, trapped in that vicious cycle of automatic behaviours and feelings that reinforced how badly we felt about ourselves. It's difficult to experience feelings as they really are in that warlike state. In sobriety, we identify and face the behaviours and negative thoughts that leave us emotionally wrung out. We surrender our past pain and trauma as well as the lies we tell ourselves. We let others affirm and love us. We are worthwhile people. We no longer need to escape into addiction because of overwhelming, unpleasant feelings. As we emerge from our emotional haze, we are more present and more willing to act from our heart. Now, when we begin to feel unhealthy emotions, we ask our Higher Power and others for help. We begin to feel a profound connection to God and to life. We have stopped struggling and are flowing with life. As we become emotionally sober, we are more open, honest, respectful, grateful and loving. We embrace our emotions, as they make us feel alive and connected to life. Use the mantra: "I am emotionally present and learning to act from my heart. My emotions flow with the current of life"
Namaste.
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Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.