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Responding Versus Reacting Versus Creating

Updated: Jan 25


When we respond, it moves us closer to our positive character attributes and a solution. When we react, we are perpetuating our negative character defects, and are perpetuating the problem.


Viktor E. Frankl wrote "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Most people react: Think road rage, arguments with family and 'friends', and any form of conflict. Few people respond: Think conflict resolution and interpersonal miracles. If you want to resolve a long-standing issue with those that you love, responding is key. If you want to perpetuate hate, drama, and conflict, then reacting is the way. Who wants that? You would be surprised - most people have that as their default position and have no clarity about how to escape the grim pointless rut.


The magic happens when we move from reacting to responding, and even to creating. Reacting is a victim mentality. Responding is a victor mentality. Creating is a champion mentality of infinite possibility. Creating is as close as you get to the divine in you: The sacred space where you rest at the seat of your ease and yet with maximum productivity.

Responding versus reacting
Responding versus reacting

The journey of personal transformation involves shifting from being a reactor to being a responder, and ideally going further to becoming a creator. Reacting is an instinctive, emotional response to a situation. It's often impulsive and can be influenced by our past experiences or fears. On the other hand, responding is a thoughtful and deliberate action. It involves considering the situation, weighing the options, and making a conscious decision. Never give up on all that is good in this world.


Fred Durst said “When I look back on my knee-jerk reactions now, I realise I should have just taken a breath.”


In choosing our response, we are choosing the path of transformation and true freedom… Freedom from the automatic patterns of reaction that once defined us.


When we encounter life’s inevitable winds, whether they are gentle breezes of joy or gales of adversity… We often react instinctively. A harsh word might spark anger. A setback may breed despair. Yet within each of these moments, there lies a profound opportunity… The choice to respond rather than react. This subtle shift in our approach can transform our entire life’s journey.


Imagine you are walking through a quiet forest and you suddenly stumble on a hidden root. The shock might jolt you and you might even fall. In reaction, frustration and negative self-talk could quickly cloud your thoughts. But what if instead, you chose to respond? You might examine the root and learn the shape of the trail better, then proceed with renewed caution and awareness, avoiding such roots in the future. This response involves acknowledgment, learning, and adaptation, devoid of harsh self-judgement.


This mindful response is not about suppression or denial of feelings. Feelings are like the weather of our inner world… Temporary and ever-changing. By observing them with curiosity instead of immediate judgment, we can engage with them constructively. This is akin to feeling the wind but choosing how to set your sail, to reach your desired destination.


The teachings of wise sages remind us that our responses are cultivated through awareness and practice. Every interaction and every thought is a practice ground. We create space when we pause between a stimulus and our action, even for a few seconds. In this space lies the power to choose a response that aligns with our values and aspirations. Start with low-hanging fruit such as road rage. Breathwork is key.


This choice does not promise an easier path. It often requires us to face discomfort directly instead of seeking the fleeting shelter of reactive habits. It’s easy to forget that this is where growth lies. In choosing our response, we are choosing the path of transformation and true freedom… Freedom from the automatic patterns that once defined us.


In a Psychology Today article, Dr. Matt James wrote about the difference between reacting and responding: "A reaction is instant. It’s driven by the beliefs, biases, and prejudices of the unconscious mind. A reaction is based in the moment and doesn’t take into consideration long term effects of what you do or say. A response on the other hand usually comes more slowly. It’s based on information from both the conscious mind and unconscious mind. A response will be more ‘ecological,’ meaning that it takes into consideration the well-being of not only you but those around you. It weighs the long-term effects and stays in line with your core values.”


Now that I am more emotionally mature I’ve learned that responding is so much more productive than reacting. And it's just bloody kinder!


Take the following quiz to find out if you are a reactor or responder

1. If you’re having a bad day, do you easily snap at people?

2. Do you jump to conclusions before hearing all the facts?

3. Do you constantly interrupt people during conversations?

4. If someone bumped into you on the sidewalk, do you start yelling and negatively react?

5. Do you always need to get your point across and talk over people?

6. If someone hurt or offended you, is your first reaction to get mad and seek revenge?

7. When you interact with people, are you excessively guided by your emotions?

8. Is it difficult for you to see things from someone else’s point of view?

9. In various life situations, do you react quickly, rather than allow your mind to have time to process things?

10. Do you often exhibit aggressive body language when you speak to others?


The results of the quiz

If you answered yes to 3 questions or less, you may have just had a few bad days. You’re likely more of a responder than a reactor.

If you answered yes to up to 7 questions, you are likely borderline reactionary and should cautiously move forward — while cultivating personal growth and development.

If you answered yes to all 10 questions, you are likely a reactor and not a responder.


Change is possible. Responders develop a higher emotional intelligence level (EQ). However, you firstly need to admit that you have a problem. You must want to do the hard work to change. Are you ready to do that?


As we cultivate this practice, our responses begin to form a tapestry of actions that are thoughtful, compassionate, and resonant with our deepest values. They become less about immediate gratification and more about long-term peace and fulfillment. We start to see life not as a series of incidents to survive, but as a continuous flow of opportunities to engage with meaningfully.


Perhaps you’re familiar with the saying that it’s better to respond than to react. True. To react is essentially to do something without any thought.


One reason people react is that they do not see or understand what is driving them beneath the surface. The cause is often biological.


It’s well established in neuroscience that our emotions and many of our reactions originate in the limbic portion of the brain, while our rational thinking is tied to the cerebral cortex.

The limbic system operates hundreds of times more quickly than the cerebral cortex. This speedy reaction is important in life-threatening situations when you have no time to think and must react quickly. We are very rarely faced with true life-threatening situations: Yet we go through life as though we are. That's our reptilian survival brain being constantly on edge. This is the result of childhood trauma.


However, when it comes to ordinary tasks, it is best to allow the rational, thinking portion of the brain to have time to process the feelings and emotions of the limbic system so you can choose your response more deliberately.


Think about a time when you became angry, such as when someone cut you off in traffic, nearly causing an accident. If you’re like many of us, you probably reacted quickly with an outburst of anger, which might have included a few choice words. That was a reaction!

The same thing can happen when someone says something that triggers you. Your limbic system goes into its fight-flight-freeze mode and you may hastily react, perhaps speaking sharply or yelling at them. Alternatively, you might want to run or shut down.


Many people go through life in a reactive mode much of the time, reacting to things without thinking. What quality of results do you think they reap?


How can you move to a more thoughtful manner of responding rather than reacting? First, you must recognise that the limbic or emotional center of your brain can be hijacked. This will cause you to quickly react, even when it would be better not to.


In high-stress situations, such as in an accident or when you’re under extreme pressure, you can expect to react quickly and not necessarily appropriately.


But not everything is an emergency — is it? What about other areas of your life, such as what you do with your time? Are you allowing circumstances or the environment around you to dictate what you do — or do you pause, look at the situation, and make a thoughtful decision?


Responding requires that you think and make a better decision than you would normally make in a purely reactive mode. If you give yourself time to think before you react, you will most likely get a better result.


Responding in a thoughtful way, rather than reacting, is part of being more responsible. Responding means you took the time to consider and weigh the options and then chose the best one.


To become the leader in your life, you must at least reach the level of being able to respond. Reacting is not leading yourself. Reacting is allowing someone or something else — outside circumstances — to control you and your destiny. That's never a good thing.


To respond means you take the leadership reins and become responsible to your Self and your principles. To respond is to take the time needed to allow the rational part of your brain to catch up with the limbic system, so you can make a decision that will serve your needs and higher desires.


The better the quality of the questions you ask your Self, the better your response will be, and the better the outcome. You must see what is happening, think about it, and then act in a way that will deliver a better result.


While responding is better than reacting, there is an even higher level of self-leadership — that of creating. As with responding, you give thought to the best options you see in a situation. But in creating, you take it to a deeper level, delving into what you really need.


Simply responding is not going to provide you with what you may need at the deepest level. Responses, even highly mature ones, can be rooted in many things and can sometimes stifle your ability to create.


If you simply respond based on what you already know, or based on how life and people have conditioned your thinking, it can be hard to be creative. The choice is yours. React and be led by others or lead by responding and being more deliberate in creating what you want.


Here is an example of reacting, responding, and creating: Someone cuts you off in traffic and rather than allow it to trigger you, you pause, take control of your breathing, calm your Self, and become thankful that there was no accident. This is a more effective response to the situation.


What can you create in a situation like this? If you use the near-accident to strengthen your ability to pause, breathe, and not be triggered, to become thankful instead of resentful, and to reframe the situation (maybe the other driver is having a really bad day and didn’t see you), you begin to create something totally new.


If a near-accident makes you more determined to stay alert in traffic and pay closer attention to the road, you’re going in an even better direction.


When you pause and think of a careful response, those adrenaline-spiked reactions dissipate completely. Each time something triggers you, you use it as an opportunity to improve your ability to create a new way to act and bring less stress and more joy into your life.


So, even better than responding is creating. Are you a creator? Any form of creativity is bound to give you a better result than simply reacting by worrying.


To move from reacting to responding to creating, you simply need to pause, slow down, breathe, think, and develop a vision of what you really want — and then begin the work of moving in that direction.


You can create what you want if you are willing to become responsible and lead your Self in a way beyond where reacting or responding will take you. If instead of reacting you can respond, or even better, create, your life will be guaranteed to be more successful.


As we journey forward, let’s remember that each step taken in mindfulness paves the way for the next and each choice made in awareness adds depth to our journey. And by doing so, we shape our own lives and touch the lives of others around us. Do you want a grievance or a miracle?


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly

Dr Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD.

Fully qualified and certified coach


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