Soul Versus Ego: The Soul Survivor
- olivierbranford
- Oct 27, 2024
- 23 min read
Updated: Jan 25
This is not just a play on words. In the final battle, love (aka the soul) always wins. The ego dies despite it fearing not surviving. The soul is the sole survivor in the ultimate battle between the ego and the soul for reality, consciousness and Truth. The soul does not need to battle for survival as it is eternal, and will always have the final word.
Authors usually write that the ego reacts and the soul responds. I prefer “The ego reacts, and the soul creates.”
Conflict, blame, hatred, contraction, and lack come from the ego. Love, peace, joy, expansion, creativity, and abundance come from the soul.
If you are afraid, you cannot love. Fear is the language of the ego. Unconditional love is the language of the soul.
The soul is the immensity of the ocean. The ego is a nasty, frothy, scummy, little bubble of disturbance in the froth on top of a single wave.
The soul resides in the subconscious. Our life’s purpose is to make the soul Self-aware and therefore bring the unconscious into the conscious. This is how we become whole, by integrating our inner child, shadow, and our Higher Self, to awaken our soul and become authentic.
Soul versus ego: A battle of 'tug-of-war' in which the soul always ultimately triumphs: But you want this to happen before your death-bed!
For my full article on the ego click here:
For my full article on the soul click here:
The most important thing in all of creation, including every one of your lives, is consciousness. Without consciousness, awareness, nothing has any meaning. People like to believe what has meaning. Consciousness has meaning. If something exists and nothing is ever conscious of it, it really doesn’t exist and it has no meaning. It’s not complicated. Spirituality is not complicated. It’s very, very simple. Consciousness is the beginning and end of all meaning. From Aristotle to Einstein, quantum physics, and beyond, the mind is capable of tremendously brilliant thoughts, but if the consciousness isn’t there to be aware of the thoughts, they have no ultimate meaning.
So behind it all is awareness, is consciousness. The problem is that we are so entranced and distracted by and just completely absorbed in what we’re conscious of. We’re so aware of what we’re conscious of that we don’t pay attention to consciousness, but that’s what’s behind everything. If there’s a light that’s shining on an object and the object is either so gorgeous and attractive or so scary, you are not aware that you are looking at it, you are absorbed in it. You are just lost in it. What gets lost in it? Consciousness. What you have done is your consciousness is absorbed in a collection of thoughts called your ego, your self-concept. We’re talking about a false identity; an 'identity theft'.
The ego is what the self is looking at, but it looks at it for so long and so constantly out of fear that it identifies with it completely. It passes its sense of self, its sense of identity, onto this thing. If you can get that you’ve understood the deepest thing there is to know you are not your ego, you are not your self concept. That’s the true basis of psychology, wisdom, healing, and spirituality. That move from being seated in the consciousness itself into being seated in the thoughts of ego is what’s meant by the fall from the garden of Eden. Someday you will know that to the bottom of your BEing.
Do you not regularly stress and worry and be anxious about what you need to do and what everybody else needs to do for you to be okay? You become so associated with it that you think it’s you - you no longer have a detachment.
An Enlightened Master knows what consciousness is. What does Enlightenment mean? You are no longer identified with that collection of thoughts, the mind, the ego. The consciousness is no longer staring at the mind to the extent that it identifies with it. It’s able to stop looking at it.
But, you struggle to stopping looking at your mind. That’s why you meditate. What is meditation? I can’t stop identifying with my mind, so I’ll give my thoughts to the divine so that it can create my thoughts while I’m meditating.
You just understand the very first position is peace inside. When we interact with another we are interacting with the sum of that person’s learned conditioned experiences. Can we handle that? Most people cannot. Why? Because it doesn’t match the sum of our learned experiences. And so therefore we have wars and therefore we have all this disharmony and conflict.
The ego is the false self looking at the mind. The mind has developed this ego that’s very, very strong. You see how strong it is? Why? Because it thinks that there’s tremendous pain and suffering when it doesn’t get what it wants. Rumi said the following; it is not for you to seek love. It’s for you to seek and find all the obstacles you have put in her place. You are made of pure unconditional love. That’s who you are. It’s not for you to seek God either. Let go of what’s keeping you from God. It’s all about letting go. It’s not about getting what you want, it’s about letting go of what’s keeping you from being in a state of joy spiritual bliss and ecstasy and love all the time. Every minute of my life I have a choice: Protect the thing that’s destroying me and keeping me from my Self or let go.
Protect the ego, protect it, defend yourself. Argue, fight, manipulate, control, figuring out how to get what you want there. Just devote yourself to the ego. Good luck with that! Or you can’t let it go all at once. The ego is a summary of learned experiences which are meaningless. Everybody’s got one. Don’t worry about it. And what you do is every day, every minute you let go. Just let it go. Let go. And it thins out. And the more it thins out, the more beautiful it is inside. And eventually that’s all there will be inside of you is divinity, love, peace, and beauty.
The ego is not a structure, there are no brain regions dedicated to creating this sense of self. It emerges from the whole experience of perception and being in our bodies. But it’s a function that is very focused on survival. It’s an excellent tool for survival. It’s like your Swiss army knife. It’s going to help you survive. But it will also cut you and cause you pain if you don't master it. When we over-identify with it, when we start to think that’s who I am, I need to be always in survival mode. It begins to limit us because we’re not able to use the other parts of the psyche, our intelligence, our creativity, or our soulfulness. The ego can be very destructive. Think about someone who’s put in a corner, they’re going to do whatever it takes to survive, which means it could be hurting others, destroying, causing wars, if they’re feeling threatened. The ego is like a simple function: A lower level function of experience that we use. In human beings, what the ego does, it uses all the resources of the mind, but channels them, focuses them through the lens of the ego, the lens of survival. People can be very intelligent, but that intelligence is being channeled through that funnel of the ego, which is survival. Their intelligence is all directed towards a survival strategy. That leaves no room for anything else. It’s the ego mind needing to survive. It can be destructive because we lose our sense of compassion and empathy for others when we’re pushed against a wall because we’re in a self-protective mode. We’re in survival mode. Again, there’s nothing wrong with survival mode, except that we don’t really need it. When people stay stuck in survival mode and ego mode, they’re acting as if the world is about to end, as if they’re in a war zone, as if there’s disaster right around the corner. Of course, social media doesn’t help that. Social media uses that knowledge because they have psychologists on their boards, advising them. The algorithms are all designed for that. Anything with fear, like an article, anything negative tends to get more clicks than something that’s positive because the mind has a negative bias, it’s always looking, it’s always on guard for the end. Social media and the internet are wonderful, we get to connect with people all over the world, but we only see a snapshot of what’s out there. It’s feeding our worst fears in a way. It’s feeding our egos. The ego operates in survival mode. If you understand that principle, you can design algorithms that feed the ego, that hook it into “I need to stay alert, I need to stay in touch. Therefore, I need to be watching CNN or Fox News continuously, so I know how to survive.” You’re in survival mode and that's a horrid place to live. Food, water, and shelter is now people liking us, people admiring us, people accepting us, people being friendly to us, feeling safe emotionally with people, that’s all our jungle. It’s a good way to think about it. It's ridiculous really. The social electronic component, computers and the internet, have become an extension of our nervous system. We’re creating these virtual realities for ourselves. But it’s the same mechanism. It’s our ego, trying to adapt to social circumstances through these amplifications that the internet gives us. The ego makes a bigger deal out of it, it magnifies all the issues, it doesn’t look at things as they are, it makes everything bigger. That’s the survival function and the social adaption; it has to make it a big deal. And that is killing us slowly, sometimes even quickly. It feels big because we’re the centre of it. The I, of course, is the one experiencing all these things. Therefore, when you focus on that I and operate from that sense of I, you’re the centre of the action, everything is in relationship to you. It feels huge to us, it feels like everyone is looking at us, everything is happening from our point of view.
Most people were raised to be nice. We tend to have a harder time with boundaries. That feeling of saying no and then feeling that someone’s not happy with us because we said no, because we drew a boundary. It’s so uncomfortable, it feels like you’re going to die. That person is upset with me. It’s the ego kicking in, it’s not some kind of dysfunction. It’s actually your ego, just in hyper-alert mode, going, “We have to make everyone like us because we’re going to die if everyone abandons us.” It magnifies it. If you have a pattern in the past history of being abandoned, it’s even bigger. But all of us have that feeling, we want people to like us. “I left a message for my friend, she hasn’t called me back yet. I think she’s mad.” The ego starts spinning and going back in the past, trying to connect the dots why she could be mad, you’re obsessing about it. Then she calls you and says she was just busy. It was nothing to do with you. All that work the ego does for survival. It becomes a very noisy and distracting life. It’s mere social survival or social adaptation. Its function is designed to help us fit in. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. If you think of us evolving in small groups, hunters, gatherers, moving through savannas and jungles, it was important to fit into the tribe, people liked you and took care of you, and you took care of them. If you didn’t have that quality, people rejected you. If you were obnoxious for some reason, they’d leave you behind and you would not survive on your own. That function is deeply ingrained in us. That’s why you see these children growing up with the internet, with social media, it is so important for them to fit in, to be accepted. They feel like “It is the end of my world if people reject me.”
The ego is a terrible master, but a great servant. You do not want let the ego drive your mind. Because it will if you let the ego drive your mind. It will drive you insane with fear. It says “More power to me, give it to me. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll make sure people like you.” But the ego is a liar. “Don’t any take any risks. Let’s just do what we’ve always done, stay in our same job, stay in everything the same way. Don’t go and meet new people, just keep the same friends, they’re fine.” It prevents us from taking risks, from being creative. Because creativity is always a risk. If you’re creating something, there’s a risk that you might fail, that people will laugh at it, that no one will like it, and so on and so on. The ego is averse to those things. The ego says “Let’s play it safe. Let’s do what we know works, and repeat that.” People will stay in their cubicles for 50 years or more. The ego makes sure that you don't live your dreams even until you die.
Even meeting new people and having new experiences, starting a business, putting yourself out there, all that’s terrifying to the ego. Because the ego says, “I have no idea how people are going to respond. I’d rather not go at all.” It’s like back in the day when we were tribal. Going to a new tribe, we had no idea if they were going to be friendly or terrorise us, so we would be very careful, maybe we should just stay away from them, I don’t know if we should trade with them. It was very scary for the ego to invite people in to the tribe. Think how it limits us now. No creativity, not taking risks, being defensive in relationships and guarded, you never get to have true intimacy romantically.
Even the tribalism, we see it blown up all around the world because of social media, because these algorithms are feeding and amplifying this ego mind. Again, there’s nothing wrong with it, except that it’s creating a lot of misunderstanding amongst people. People typically don’t understand that it’s their ego they’re experiencing, they think it’s just the way it is, that they are simply reacting to reality. But it’s not an absolute reality, because each one of us has our own I perspective, we’re seeing things from our own limited self-perception. Isn’t that why people are only drawn to the news or stories that align with their belief system? That’s the ego, it’s uncomfortable for someone to see another side of the story.
Who benefits? The politicians do, the social media companies do, and so on and so on. Buyers, beware, understand what is going on, so that you can free yourself from it. You can enjoy it. We can enjoy social media and all this technology. But because we understand the function of the ego and the persona, we’re not caught up by it. It serves us, it serves our purposes. Be careful. Always ask yourself, “Am I being played by the social pressure, by my peers, by my family, my groups?” Again, there’s nothing wrong with these elements, if they are working for you, if you are in control of your own mind.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, we’re unconsciously being driven by the ego. We think we’re making rational logical choices but there’s this deep unconscious force the ego’s operating on, it has all our past, generational, and cultural experience, absorbing all that, using all that data to react. We think we’re meant to do that, or that it makes a lot of sense. We react and our ego justifies the response we have. What we want to do is to be conscious. What we teach in our training is that what triggers us also shows us why that triggers us. Why don’t we examine that a little more than just saying, “That triggers us, that’s wrong. I just hate that and push it away.” Let’s be more curious about why I am triggered by this or that opinion or thing. Then you’re really seeing how your ego is just wrapped around you being right and the other people being wrong. That need to be right is such a big part of the ego, too. I need to be right, I can’t be wrong. We’re conditioned from early life that we have to be right, we have to get the right answers on the test. We can’t be wrong, we can’t be losing, we can’t fail, all that pressure that the ego is creating for us. This is how it hinders our Enlightenment.
This comes from Eastern philosophy. We look at what the wisdom traditions have said about the ego, and they were aware of this 5000 years ago. It’s been around for a while. What they say is that there’s nothing wrong with the ego. They’re saying it’s a natural function of the mind. But if you think about how your ego functions, it’s essentially ignorant. It’s a hindrance, it’s a clash, and the clashes are hindrances to Enlightenment. The main hindrance of the ego is that it’s ignorant. Not in the sense that it doesn’t know. It knows a lot about the world, about survival and how to fit in. But it doesn’t know about its true nature because it’s focused on the external, its function is always to help us deal with the environment. Therefore, it is ignorant of its own nature. What is the ego? What is its nature? What is the nature of the mind? That’s the primary thing, ignorance of the true Self. We need reminding - literally re-minding.
We have blinkers on, we can’t see our true Self, we’re facing outward, the ego faces externally, it does not ever want to look inside, it’s looking at the world in that projection. True Enlightenment is taking the blinders off and seeing the wholeness of us. There’s more to us than just this survival mechanism, there’s this vast part of us. The key is to look within.
The ego forgot itself in a way, it makes us forget who we are, then we have to remember. When we think about transformation, that’s really what we’re doing. We’re not fixing the past and healing it. This is a natural function, the ego needs to survive. We make these survival strategies, but they don’t fit anymore to where we’re going. It doesn’t mean we’re broken, it just means that we’re on to the next stage of our evolution. If we can shift, how we’re wording, how we’re framing our own transformation, instead of “I need to be saved and healed” to “I need to evolve”, that is really true transformation.
A lot of these disciplines that evolved out of the wisdom traditions are focused on transcending the ego. That’s their primary function, they help us transcend the ego, not to destroy it, not to get rid of it, but to see it in its right perspective instead of just operating at the survival mode and the social level of fitting in. These practices allow us to tap into the deeper functions of the psyche, imagination, spirituality, transcendence, connectivity, how we’re related to nature, to the cosmos. Those ideas aren’t accessible at survival mode. In survival mode, all we’re interested in is safety, staying safe.
And moving away from pain, the ego has that negative bias. What we end up seeing in out there is “Heal your wounds”, all the time focused on the negative, focus on the brokenness, not on where we’re going because those things get clicks, those things get awareness, just like the negative news or the controversies. The drama of your past will get a lot more clicks than the potential and the aspiration for your future because most people are in that ego mode, in that mind. It’s not their fault, it’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just by default, the marketing algorithms make us see what’s wrong with our life, what’s broken in our life. We click on it because we want to fix what’s broken versus, have a mindset of possibility, a mindset of “let me understand what the mechanism is here”. We’re in that lower level way of BEing “I’m in the jungle, I need to find food and water.” That’s really the level for a lot of people. When I first started, I thought I needed to fix my past, I’m wounded, I have parental dysfunction issues, let me work on that. I got all caught up in it. It’s like survival mode of my own personal growth. It felt averse to what I was hearing about pure potential, but I’m wounded and it is conflicted.
We invite you to ask this question of yourself “Am I in ego mode?” Certainly, if you’re anxious, if you’re hyper-alert, if you’re not comfortable, you’re in your body and in society, all those are signs that you’re in ego mode. Again, there’s nothing wrong with it, we don’t want you to think that you’re doing something wrong or there’s something wrong with your mind. It’s totally natural. But you want to become aware so that you could start to transcend it, you can get on that path of transcendence. If we don’t understand how the mind works, we can’t work with it. A mechanic needs to understand how an engine works, a doctor needs to understand how the body works, etc. We need to understand how our minds work if we want to change, if we want to transform our minds.
But the ego itself is so critical because it’s very tricky. It will use any type of spirit, a lot of people talk about spiritual bypassing. It will use your spiritual words to make it seem like you’re on the right path, focusing on the wounds to make you feel like you’re doing something spiritual, because that’s how the ego is thinking. Again, it’s not your fault. When it’s left on autopilot, you’ll naturally fall into that groove. Then we think that’s just the way it is. That’s why we stay stuck for so long, because we are trying to change our life, from the level of ego. You can’t change your life on the level of ego, you have to transcend the ego to change your life. We need to understand the ego, so then we know how to transcend it. If we don’t even understand what the ego is, we’re caught up in it. The most important lesson I’ve learned through all my years is to recognise when my ego is interfering in my decision-making, in my life and my emotions. It’s instant shift, but it takes time to really catch it because it’s not solid, you can’t pick it up and move it. It’s a function, it sneaks up on you. The more you work with it and understand it, the more power you have.
My take on the defining characteristics of the ego (wounded petrified child) versus the soul (Higher Self):
Dr Wayne Dyer wrote “The problem is that we have allowed our egos, the part of us which believes that we are separate from God and separate from each other, to dominate our lives.” This is the human condition until we do something about it. It's our modern-day malaise. But there is a cure.
Andrew Cohen wrote “The authentic Self is the best part of a human being. It's the part of you that already cares, that is already passionate about transformation and genuine evolution. When your authentic Self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than your ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle.” This creative principle is the divine spark within you that some people call God, and, according to Carl Jung the psychiatrist and spiritual Master, it is an intrinsic part of your psyche.
John Bradshaw wrote “Ego is to the true Self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.” I would go further and write that the ego is a flickering match, and the true Self is the full glory of the dawn.
The Dalai Lama wrote “The foundation of the Buddha's teachings lies in compassion, and the reason for practicing the teachings is to wipe out the persistence of ego, the number-one enemy of compassion.” Compassion, like its twin, love, are the ultimate forces at play in our lives and in the Universe.
One of my favourite spiritual gurus, Ram Dass, the Harvard clinical psychologist turned spiritual Master, wrote “Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed - all the BEings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love... It’s all one. It’s one energy.”
The ego separates us from who we really are, and is the cause of the repetitive, negative, vicious, catastrophic thinking that takes place in our minds. Any negative emotions you experience, such as upset, anger, irritation, and resentment are all produced from an egoic state of mind.
We tend to associate the ego with vanity and an obsession with one’s self but the ego is also many other things. The ego causes us to create a false sense of self; we make up ideas in our minds about our inferiorities and weaknesses, and the ego is also based on what others think of us, which is irrelevant. What others think of you is none of their business and is none of yours. Even God does not judge.
Eckhart Tolle wrote “The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining - either in thoughts or words - about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but 'shouldn’t be,' and even about yourself.”
Meditation connects you to your soul. Psalm 46:10 states "Be still and know that I am God." Paramahansa Yogananda wrote “The soul loves to meditate, for in (conscious) contact with the Spirit lies its greatest joy. If, then you experience mental resistance during meditation, remember that reluctance to meditate comes from the ego; it doesn't belong to the soul.”
Osho wrote “Nothing kills the ego like playfulness, like laughter. When you start taking life as fun, the ego has to die, it cannot exist anymore.” Laughter is the great panacea and is such a powerful sign of healing. That's why I am sure that Jesus was hilarious!
The ego loves to use the word 'should'. If you hear yourself using the word 'should' and/or 'not enough', the likelihood is that it's your ego trying to run the show. Whereas if you feel excited and enthusiastic about getting started on (or continuing working on) a project or tackling a task, that is likely soul-driven versus ego-driven. If you feel a positive push to move forward and can’t wait to get started, you are likely following the guidance of your soul versus your ego. In contrast, if you feel a sense of dread at the mere thought of doing a task and have to literally force yourself to do it- or repeatedly avoid doing it all - you best pay attention to that: That's your ego. The ego is all about controlling versus allowing. The ego is pushy, forceful, tends to be negative and is rooted in fear and lack. Whereas the soul communicates in soft whispers and gentle nudges. The soul speaks through positive and encouraging self-talk and tends to be more accepting of what is. The soul comes from a place of abundance. There is enough for all; we are enough… All of us, just as we are.
Ego vs Soul:
Ego seeks to serve itself,
Soul seeks to serve others,
Ego seeks outward recognition,
Soul seeks inner authenticity,
Ego sees life as a competition,
Soul sees life as a gift,
Ego seeks to preserve self,
Soul seeks to preserve others,
Ego looks outward,
Ego feels lack,
Ego is mortal,
Soul is eternal,
Ego is drawn to transactional lust,
Soul is drawn to unconditional love,
Ego seeks wisdom,
Ego enjoys the prize,
Ego is cause to pain,
Ego rejects God,
Soul embraces God,
Ego is me,
Soul is we
Ego is a dickhead,
Soul is sublime.
Jen Sincero said “Trust that you really do have all the answers inside of you, believe yourself more than you believe in outward appearances and information, turn off your brain and listen to your intuition. Is the opportunity in front of you exciting? Does it feel right? Does it bring you joy? Our brains, as fabulous and impressive as they are, are cluttered with ideas of what we 'should' do based on other people’s opinions.”
How about you? Is it your soul (a calling, gentle, soft, loving, kind, flowing) or your ego (being driven, loud, angry, violent, fearful, irritated, controlling, resisting`) in the driver's seat? Who have you chosen to run your life?
Father Richard Rohr said “The ego gets what it wants with words. The soul finds what it needs in silence.” When we are living in the ego, we argue, blame, shame, gossip, control, personalise, compare, compete, and defend with our words.
But, when we live out of the soul, we encounter ourselves and others in a very different way. Instead of the ego’s combative nature, this approach involves a choice to respond to others in a softer way. Instead of living out of our ego reactions, we offer others our empathy, reflective listening, compassion, forgiveness, grace, respect, and honour.
Richard Rohr reminds us that we can live out of our ego or we can live out of our heart space, which will always be a wise, soulful, mindful and intuitive response.
In the 12 and 12 of the 12 steps it states “Suffering is the touchstone of spiritual progress. ... Emotional turmoil before serenity.” Suffering always reveal our souls. Suffering can allow us to drop our ego overnight.
Carl Jung argued that we spend the first half of our lives developing our egos and the second half of our lives learning to let go of them. Unfortunately, our egos can really get in the way in relationships. Criticism is when we verbally attack our partner’s character, habits or personality. I think it is important to be mindful that when we criticise our other half, we are living out of our ego.
Marianne Williamson wrote “The ego is always looking to find something; the spirit sees what’s already there.” Starve your ego: Feed your soul.
The sole survivor in this almighty battle will be the soul survivor. Let that ego die. Let go of the rope. Surrender: It's the only way to win. There is nothing like an existential crisis to lead you to a spiritual awakening.
Rumi wrote insightfully “The ego is a veil between humans and God’.”
In Matthew 28:20 Jesus said "And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” Amen." My soul says "Amen!"
Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you: Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.
Namaste.
Olly
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