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"The Wrong Tower Phenomenon": Workaholism, Burnout, Resilience & Rebirth with Coaching

Updated: Jan 25

INTRODUCTION


Welcome to the fourth instalment of my blog series on Transformative Life Coaching (TLC), personal growth and enlightenment. You can click here for access to all my blogs about , personal growth, enlightenment, and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC):


What is TLC?



We'll be focusing on how YOU can experience deep internal transformation as a result of coaching in this blog. Each journey is unique and tailored to your needs once we've gone beneath the surface. I am a Transformative Life Coach. My credentials and training are listed at the bottom of this page. I received my training in TLC in London, England.


You can click here to be taken to my website:



Table of Contents

  1. Workaholism is an addiction

2. Hustle Culture

3. Validation

4. Shame

5. Egocentric fear and control

6. What is keeping you awake at night?

7. Who are we?

8. What do we need help with?

9. How may I guide you?

10. My story

11. Resilience

12. The Wheel of Life

13. The solution


Workaholism is an addiction

You may be asking yourself the following questions:

  • Can a workaholic be cured?

  • Can a workaholic change?

  • What are the characteristics of a workaholic?

  • Did my childhood trauma result in me being a workaholic?

  • Am I a compulsive workaholic?

  • Do workaholics burnout?

  • Do workaholics enjoy working?

  • Do workaholics make more money?

  • How to help a workaholic?

  • How to stop being a workaholic?

  • How to tell if you are a workaholic?

  • Is being a workaholic bad?

  • Is workaholism a weakness?

  • Am I a workaholic?


A workaholic is a person who works compulsively. A workaholic experiences an inability to limit the amount of time they spend on work despite negative consequences such as damage or destruction to their relationships or health. Addiction relentlessly seeks validation. Therefore addiction is stressful and compulsive. Addiction never satiates. Addiction may be work related, and like all addictions, may be the cause or consequence (a symptom) of mental illness. Workaholism is an addiction to work, and while it may not be in a diagnostic book or have a certain list of official criteria, there is a lot of evidence to suggest that a hyper fixation on work functions like all other types of addictions, whether behavioural or substance addictions. Like all other addictions, being a workaholic can impact and change people’s personalities and completely alter their value system. Those struggling with workaholism prioritise work above family, friends and any other deep or meaningful relationship or commitment. The number of hours worked is often an indicator, however it’s important to consider all the other significant symptoms of workaholism beyond just working a lot of overtime. Workaholics struggle to cope with excruciating emotions that they are avoiding, thus spending all their time obsessed with work.


The word itself is a portmanteau word composed of work and alcoholic. Its first known appearance, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, came in Canada in the Toronto Daily Star of April 5, 1947, page 6, with a punning allusion to Alcoholics Anonymous:

If you are cursed with an unconquerable craving for work, call Workaholics Synonymous, and a reformed worker will aid you back to happy idleness.

The term workaholism was coined in 1971 by minister and psychologist Wayne Oates, who described workaholism as “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly” (Oates, 1971). It is important to point out that workaholism should not be confused with simply spending an inordinate amount of time working. Indeed, a recent meta-analysis showed that workaholism and hours worked per week were only moderately correlated. Oates was influenced by the work of Howard Clinebell, a pastoral counsellor, who discussed overwork as an imbalance in lifestyle (more on the wheel of life below). Oates further defined a workaholic as a “Person whose need for work has become so excessive that it creates noticeable disturbance or interference with his bodily health, personal happiness, and interpersonal relations, and with his smooth social functioning." Thus, while there are several perspectives regarding workaholism, some which might suggest a productive involvement with and enjoyment of work, workaholism at least initially was coined to refer to an addictive process.


Workaholism has since been repeatedly defined as an addiction to work (Ng, Sorensen & Feldman, 2007; Porter, 2006; Robinson, 2000), a pathology (Fassel, 1990), a behaviour pattern that persists across multiple organisational settings (Scott, Moore & Miceli, 1997) and a syndrome comprised of high drive, high work involvement and low work enjoyment (Aziz & Zickar, 2006). Despite over half a century of research into workaholism, Taris et al. (2008) contend that no single definition or conceptualisation of this phenomenon has emerged. I believe that the work of Dr Gabor Maté has managed to conceptualise addiction perfectly. I say this as a scientist from reading the peer reviewed scientific literature, and from lived experience of recovery, and from sponsoring others in recovery. This makes me in an ideal position to provide commentary on what really is workaholism and how TLC may help guide you through recovery. Recovery means finding your self. TLC means finding your self.


Workaholism arises when a person needs work as a way of stopping them thinking about their buried emotions (Robinson, 2000). Taris et al. (2008) also note that there is a behavioural component and a psychological component to workaholism. The behavioural component comprises working excessively hard (i.e. a high number of hours per day and/or week), whereas the psychological (dispositional) component comprises being obsessed with work (i.e. working compulsively and being unable to detach from work) (McMillan & O’Driscoll, 2006; Ng et al., 2007; Oates, 1971; Scott et al., 1997; Taris et al., 2004). Spence and Robbins (1992) also assert that this may sometimes be accompanied by other characteristics such as low work enjoyment.


The available body of research, which I know is truly felt by other workaholics, points to key concepts:

  1. Workaholics have high drive - an unstoppable nuclear force of determination to get things done - in early stages this makes them very popular with bosses and institutions as they really do deliver in the short term. They feel compelled to work, that they should be working, because of the internal pressures of seeing external validation as proof of their worthiness. Workaholics do not themselves feel worthy, and herein is the entire problem.

  2. Having persistent thoughts about work when not working - work consumes their mind - all their thoughts are negative, repetitive, and often catastrophising - these negative thoughts that they identify with causes intense emotions of anxiety and fear. TLC can help you to become fully present, and feel bliss in the moment.

  3. Working beyond what is reasonably expected of the worker (as established by the requirements of the job, or basic economic needs) despite the potential for negative consequences on, and to the exclusion of, the rest of their lives (see The Wheel of Life below).

  4. There is a lack of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. Nathaniel Brander, politician and jurist wrote so eloquently “If my aim is to prove I am ‘enough’, the project goes on to infinity because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.” It is impossible for workaholics to feel fulfilled: They always feel there is more to achieve. The worst thing that can happen to them is that they actually get to the top of "The Wrong Tower" as the dissonance between how they expected to feel and how they feel is excruciatingly painful. The only option is to try to numb their pain further: But they have nowhere else to climb! They are in "The Wrong Tower" and its a desolate place to be. It is as though they want to find the golden pot at the end of the rainbow - validation, worthiness, and love, and it isn't there! It is when you achieve it all, everything that your peers dream of, that your mental health is most at risk! Tragically this is also when the daggers come out in those looking for blood. And who is there to support you? No one, apart from those that love you, that you lost your focus on in the total blindness that is addiction. To quote the film 'Limitless', which opens with Bradley Cooper as Eddie Morra as he teeters on the edge of on the wall of his penthouse suits overlooking the city “Obviously, I miscalculated a few things. Why is it when your life exceeds your wildest dreams a knife appears at your back?” Bonebright et al. (2000) have studied workaholism in relation to a number of factors including work–life conflict, life satisfaction, and life purpose. This last point is absolutely key and forms the basis of the hope of recovery - that by finding one's core values, life's purpose, and through transformation by looking inside for validation - self love- there might just be the solution needed. If you provide love and worthiness from within, there is no need to seek it outside.


Workaholism can be deadly and dangerous with an onset (e.g. new business), a progression (e.g. loss of productivity, relationships, etc.), and a conclusion (e.g. mental illness, hospitalisation or death from a heart attack) (Fassel, 1992). Furthermore, psychological research has shown links between workaholism and personality types including those with Type A behaviour patterns (I am so type A that I flush the loo before I finish peeing) (Byrne & Reinhart, 1989; Edwards et al., 1990; Naughton, 1987).


Workaholism has been demonstrated to be related to the experience of negative discrete emotions (i.e., shame, anxiety, & fear.) Like all addictions it is these drivers that make them compulsive, not a choice. It has been shown that work in workaholics does not bring positive emotions joy, excitement, enthusiasm, or self-assurance. The work compounds their shame, anxiety and fear!


Mark Griffiths in his article "Workaholism - a 21st Century Addiction" in The Psychologist - the Scientific Journal of The British Psychological Society says that many authors view workaholism as having an inherently compulsive component to it. As a consequence, there appears to be a slow move back towards viewing workaholism as an addiction characterised by excessive work causing harmful consequences. Interestingly, this is very much in line with Oates’ (1971) original formulation – the field has come ‘full circle’. Compulsivity is key. Whether or not workaholism is a bona fide addiction all depends on the operational definition that is used. Griffifths argued (Griffiths, 2005a) that the only way of determining whether non-chemical (i.e. behavioural) addictions (such as workaholism) are addictive in a non-metaphorical sense is to compare them against clinical criteria for other established drug-ingested addictions. However, most people researching in the field have failed to do this, which has perpetuated the scepticism shown in many quarters of the addiction research community. In his view, workaholism features what he sees as the six core components of addiction:

- Salience – work becomes the single most important activity in the person’s life and dominates their thinking (preoccupations and cognitive distortions), feelings (cravings) and behaviour (deterioration of socialised behaviour). For instance, even if the person is not actually working they will be constantly thinking about the next time that they will be (i.e. a total preoccupation with work).

- Mood modification – the subjective experiences that people report as a consequence of working. It can be seen as a coping strategy (i.e. they experience an arousing ‘buzz’ or a ‘high’ or paradoxically a tranquillising feel of ‘escape’ or ‘numbing’).

- Tolerance – increasing amounts of work are required to achieve the former mood modifying effects. This basically means that for someone engaged in work, they gradually build up the amount of the time they spend working every day.

- Withdrawal symptoms – the unpleasant feeling states and/or physical effects (e.g. the shakes, moodiness, irritability, etc.), that occur when the person is unable to work because they are ill, on holiday, etc.

- Conflict – between the person and those around them (interpersonal conflict), with other activities (social life, hobbies and interests) or from within the individual themselves (intra-psychic conflict and/or subjective feelings of loss of control) that are concerned with spending too much time working.

- Relapse – repeated reversions to earlier patterns of excessive work to recur, and for even the most extreme patterns typical of the height of excessive working to be quickly restored after periods of control.


Gary Trosclair writes in his article "Choosing Therapy": "The omnipresence of technology, working from home, and twenty-four hour business cycles with increased demands to respond immediately have all made it easier to become addicted to work." Trosclair describes a further four indications that you may be addicted to work:3

  1. Compulsion: Do you have internal pressures to continue working?

  2. Intrusive thoughts: Do you have random thoughts about work when you are not working?

  3. Disregarding consequences: Do you work to the point where other parts of your life are struggling? Do you ignore the negative consequences of spending a lot of time working?

  4. Filling a void: Is there something that work is compensating for in your life that you think is missing?


Some with work addiction wish to stop working but find it impossible to do so, with resulting burnout, anxiety (not just about work), depression, and irritability. Perfectionism is a common trait among workaholics, as is difficulty in delegating work to others. They often have a great fear of failing at work, and of being seen as imposters. Workaholics may lose sleep either because they are working long hours, or because they are unable to stop thinking about work. They also may use work to avoid issues and feelings such as guilt or depression that they find too disturbing to face directly.


Trosclair goes on to cite the childhood cause of workaholism: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/workaholism/


Genetically Acquired Traits

Traits such as conscientiousness, perfectionism, and achievement orientation may all be genetically transmitted and contribute to workaholism when they are later enlisted to prove the individual’s value.


Environmentally Acquired Traits

Other traits such as controlling behaviour, negative affect, and difficulty in delegating may be acquired in childhood and promote workaholism. Children often find it comforting to imagine that they are responsible for the troubles in their home in order to feel that they have some control. This attempt to control may become their strategy for handling all difficult situations and anxiety, leading to extreme efforts to control work outcomes.


Compensation for low Self-Esteem

Individuals who feel badly about themselves may try to increase self-esteem through earning more money or more status by working long hours.


Social Modeling & Culture

Children may learn vicariously from their parents that hard work is a virtue, and feel a need to emulate them to get love and attention. They may also feel a need to keep up with, or surpass, their managers and peers by working longer hours.

Further, culture on a larger scale, such as North American culture, may lead individuals to feel they need to work to fit into or succeed in the world around them. What begins as external motivation may lead to an addiction with neurobiological incentives.


Overly Demanding or Overly Protective Parents

When parents place high expectations on their children to perform, the child may internalise those expectations to cope with the parents’ demands. Parents who are overly protective may communicate that the world is a dangerous place in which the child needs to hyper-achieve to survive.


Insecure Attachment

Individuals who did not bond with their parents may feel insecure about relationships and compensate by achieving financial security or status through work.


Environmental Stressors in Childhood

Children raised in impoverished or unstable households may be more likely to feel the need to overwork to achieve financial security.


Discomfort With Relationships & Fear of Intimacy

Those who are afraid to develop close relationships may feel more comfortable having work relationships that are less-threatening, and may feel more comfortable having excuses not to spend more time with others.


Behavioural Reinforcements

Financial rewards and increased status through promotions often fuel work addiction.


Addiction & the Neurobiological Reward System

Other behavioural addictions, such as gambling, video gaming, and sex, are known to be caused partly by genetic and neurochemical factors. While we don’t yet have clear evidence for a neurological basis of work addiction, we do know that some individuals seem to have a more active neurobiological reward system for the experience of mastery, of overcoming a challenge. These individuals may be more vulnerable to the reward system overriding healthier behaviours, and succumbing to work addiction.


Theoretically, these individuals may become addicted to the endorphins experienced when completing tasks, and need more and more of the reward to feel satisfied. However, as with substance addictions, the “high” or “rush” that comes from completing tasks is short lived, and some individuals may be more likely to develop an addiction because of this dopaminergic neural system.


Triggers & Stress

Situational anxiety, not related to finances, may also contribute. A father who is anxious about his child’s medical condition may not know how to deal with his fears, and instead turn to work where he feels that he has more control.


Health Complications & Impacts of Workaholism Being a workaholic can have severe consequences on a person’s mental and physical health. Someone addicted to work may experience mental health consequences like burnout and depression, and possibly even physical problems like high blood pressure.

Mental Health When workaholics can’t work they become very agitated and irritable. When they are able to work, their need to get work done can make them feel urgency and become rigid. Workaholics either want to think that they can continue to will themselves into working more, or that they should be able to work harder. But the resulting burnout, depression, and mental exhaustion can lead to a crisis in which they feel badly either while working or not working. Some professionals have identified lack of enjoyment of work as a defining characteristic of workaholism. Productivity may actually decrease with overworking.

Physical Health Workaholism has both direct and indirect costs in the form of poorer physical and mental health because workaholics do not prioritise protective behavior such as leisure and exercise. The workaholic lifestyle may thus lead to increased blood pressure, cholesterol, poor sleep, etc. , workaholics maintain poor physical health, and develop medical problems including high blood pressure and physical pain. Many workaholics neglect exercise, which can lead to problems such as cardiovascular disease.

They also tend to neglect medical appointments and so are at danger of major illnesses going undetected. Workaholics are so busy that they often rely on cigarettes, sugar, and caffeine to keep working rather than eat a healthy diet.

Impact on Those Around the Workaholic Work addiction often has a negative impact on the people around the workaholic as well. Spouses of workaholics report greater marital estrangement and less positive affect towards their partners. Their partners also feel like they have less control of their lives than do spouses of non-workaholics.

Workaholism & Mental Health Disorders Workaholism is often just one symptom of the more encompassing condition obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Significant research has drawn a statistical connection between the two. One of eight criteria for the diagnosis of OCPD is excessive devotion to work and productivity at the expense of leisure and friendships.

Dysthymia and generalised anxiety disorder may lead to workaholism if the person tries to use work to self-medicate the feelings associated with those diagnoses. Overworking may lead to major depression because of the unrealistic standards set, and the loss of work-life balance.

Type A personality is also highly correlated with work addiction. Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has been hypothesised to be a source of workaholism for some as a strategy of compensation.

Treatment for Workaholics

Being a workaholic shouldn’t be a status symbol – instead it should be treated as a serious condition. So many celebrity quotes make light of it, in fact the great majority. As I said, most people are asleep and spiritually sick and in denial: It is a deadly disease.

In-patient treatment may be needed to break the addition to work in a safe place with limited internet access. Workaholics may experience a psychological withdrawal that is hard to withstand in their regular home and work environments. In addition, inpatient treatment of major depressive disorder or severe anxiety may help to prevent work addiction relapse. Family therapy may help the individual to understand the impact of their work on family members, understand the source and dynamics of the addiction, and ask for help in forming new habits. Research regarding the effective treatment of work addiction is very scarce, but treatment for related issues strongly implies that different forms of therapy may be of help in treating workaholism. There are many modalities of therapy that can help a workaholic.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Psychodynamic therapy aims to uncover the roots of emotional suffering. When treating work addiction, therapists and clients explore how the client’s history has led to their present use of work to try to reduce their anxiety and insecurity. Psychodynamic treatment may take longer than other forms of treatment, (roughly 6 months to 3 years), but research indicates that changes are longer lasting, and that improvement continues after the therapy concludes. However, little research has been undertaken specifically in regard to work addiction.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) challenges assumptions such as “I have to finish the project by myself, since no one else does it right,” Or, “I need to prove that I am better than others,” and replaces those. It also sets concrete behavioural limits and suggests more manageable ways of acting in regard to work. One form of CBT that has been used to treat workaholism is rational emotive behaviour therapy (REBT).27 Cognitive behavioural therapy often aims to achieve symptom reduction in a matter of months, though it may take longer.

Workaholics Anonymous While not technically a form of treatment, this Twelve-Step program can be helpful in providing support and guidance from other workaholics who are also trying to recover from work addiction.


The Workaholics Anonymous Literature:

Twenty Questions: How Do I Know If I'm a Workaholic?

12 Signposts of Workaholism

The Problem - Characteristics of Workaholics

How Recovery Happens in Workaholics Anonymous

The Tools and Principles of Workaholics Anonymous

The Twelve Steps of Workaholics Anonymous


Medications No medications have been approved for the treatment of workaholism. However, medications may be helpful in reducing the anxiety that could lead to work addiction, and they may be helpful in lessening the depression that results from over-working. However, it should be noted that medications are most helpful when used in conjunction with talk therapy.

7 Tips for How to Stop Being a Workaholic While working with clinical professionals may be the most effective way to gain control over a work addiction, there are significant steps that you can take on your own to become healthier, steps that you would need to take even if working with a professional. Here are seven ways to overcome your work addiction: The article gives some handy hints, but that is all that these are. This is simply not enough.

1. Assess Yourself Take one of the self-diagnostic tests listed below to determine whether you are a workaholic. Ask family, peers and friends to see whether they feel that you work too much. Let them know that you are making changes and ask for their support. 2. Uncover & Understand Identify what purposes work may serve in your life other than providing income (e.g. perfectionism, higher self-esteem, status, avoidance, satisfaction). 3. Set Priorities for Meaning & Purpose Consider carefully what is most important to you (e.g. income, status, relationships, well-being, purpose). Write these down and use that list as a screensaver, and your life in a way that actually respects those priorities. Letting go of any habit is easier when you identify something more valuable to hold on to. 4. Set Limits Set limits for how many hours per week or per day that you will work, how much you will work on weekends, and your use of devices. 5. Substitute Active Healthy Behaviours Monitor physical stress as a sign of overworking (e.g. in your shoulders or jaw). Use exercise, meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness to lower anxiety and slow down. Remember that rest and leisure can actually increase your productivity.28 6. Make Plans for After Work By setting plans up for after work, you have commitments that you can look forward to to help you set healthy boundaries for being done for the day. Having a routine will help you manage your time better. 7. Speak to a Therapist It’s important to get professional help if you feel that your coping mechanisms aren’t working. Speaking with a therapist is a good way to set boundaries with work and develop a balance of all the commitments in your life as well as understanding where an imbalance came from and addressing those underlying issues.


What else is needed? What is missing from this oversimplified medical viewpoint? Please read the rest of this blog and you will understand.


Technology advances (e.g., smartphones, company-supplied laptops) have allowed employees potentially unlimited access to their work, and changes in where work occurs (e.g., telecommuting) may further blur the lines between work and home. Given that technology and work may be mutually reinforcing addiction patterns (Porter & Kakabadse, 2006), future research should consider the ramifications of the changing nature of work as well as changing technology (e.g., increasing popularity of smartphones) on workaholics.


Researchers have found that in many cases, incessant work-related activity continues even after impacting the subject's relationships and physical health. This is a key feature of addiction.


Workaholism in Japan is considered a serious social problem leading to early death, often on the job, which is a phenomenon dubbed karōshi. The most common medical causes of karoshi deaths are heart attacks or strokes due to stress and a starvation diet. Mental stress from the workplace can also cause karoshi through workers taking their own lives. People who commit suicide due to overwork are called karōjisatsu. The phenomenon of death by overwork is also widespread in other parts of Asia. 745,194 deaths worldwide were attributable to long working hours in 2016, based on World Health Organisation and International Health Organisation data. Workaholics tend to be less effective than other workers because they have difficulty working as part of a team, trouble delegating or entrusting co-workers or organisational problems due to taking on too much work at once. Moreover, workaholics often suffer sleep deprivation, which results in impaired brain and cognitive function. Such conditions are NOT sustainable.


The business risk that workaholism presents is an underestimated risk in companies and human resources management, which can develop into an existential threat to a business.


However, the American Psychological Association suggests that workaholism is not just long hours on the job.


Although reliable statistics on the prevalence of workaholism are hard to come by, Porter (1996) claims that one in four employed people are workaholics. It has also been claimed that amongst professional groups, the rate of workaholism is high (Doerfler & Kammer, 1986) especially in occupations such as medicine (Killinger, 1992). As a result they work long hours, rarely delegate, expend high effort, and may not necessarily be more productive (Griffiths, 2005a). Inefficiency may also result as a consequence of perfectionist traits (Porter, 1996).


Workaholism is real!


Psychologists report that up to 10% of Americans have a dangerous addiction to work


Are you a workaholic? Again, workaholism is addiction to work. Yes, that’s right, it’s a behavioural addiction like gambling, food, shopping, or sex and love addiction, with the same causes and consequences. And the same recovery. It’s a compulsive behaviour that may result in severe mental illness, depression, anxiety, chronic stress, other addictions, cardiovascular disease, and death. Workaholism can also cause severe relationship strain. It only goes one way - it gets worse until it’s fatal due to physical illness or suicide. We need to recover YOU!



Work addiction is a coping mechanism


Childhood trauma may result in the following:

  • Not being your authentic self – this stems from not feeling good enough, fear of being judged, and is particularly the case with overcritical parents

  • Addiction and other mental health problems

  • Chronic people pleasing – this is common if we were judged a lot as children or if we had to create a false self to prevent emotional explosions - this ‘Fawn’ fear; response stems from lack of self esteem and feelings of not being worthy

  • Being overly apologetic – this is another ‘Fawn’ fear response that results from fear of conflict

  • Anxiety and need for sense of control – when we are brought up in an ‘out of control’ environment, we can develop the need to control anything we can in order to feel safe

  • Lacking boundaries – when we never learned to separate the needs of others from our own, because it was never mirrored to us by our parents

  • Sabotaging healthy relationships – childhood trauma can lead to the “comfort in chaos” illusion; “I will hurt you before you hurt me”; "I will abandon you before you abandon me


One in 5 adults and 1 in 6 children suffer from severe mental health problems. That’s almost one person in every household. We are all victims of victims in the vertical transmission of trauma. All we can do is keep our side of the street clean, seek to recover our selves, and be compassionate to others. Syd Banks, an enlightened man who spoke widely about awakening and truth with such clarity said “If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.”Joel Osteen, pastor and author, inspires us “You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, condemned, ashamed or unworthy. We were created to be victorious.” Arnold Glasow, a businessman, reminds us “Nothing lasts forever. Not even your troubles.” “Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable” (Theodore N. Vail, entrepreneur). Childhood trauma makes us believe in the invisible lion as an adult - an appropriate response to a potential traumatic threat that is no longer there.


Elyn Saks, professor of law, psychology, and psychiatry, “Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces.” Does the world look after those that look after the world? Indeed, not very well. There is more than a 50% burnout rate in many healthcare professions and it is a poorly publicised fact that they have some of the highest proportions of staff with addiction and other mental health problems which go largely untreated due to the stigma and shame associated with them. Surely it's time for compassion? In his TED talk Dr Gabor Maté insists that addictive patterns of behaviour are rooted in the alienation and emotional suffering that are inseparable from Western capitalist cultures, which, by favouring externally validated measures of success, striving and acquiring over noticing and caring for one another, end up short- changing—and too often traumatising —children and families. He argues that the more stressful our early years, the likelier we are to become addicts later as a substitute for the nurture and connection we never received. He states that every although traumatised child doesn’t grow into an addict, every addict has been a traumatised child. He has also stated that “There are a number of things that people often don’t get. Many believe addictions are either a choice or some inherited disease. It’s neither. An addiction always serves a purpose in people’s lives: it gives comfort, a distraction from pain, a soothing of stress. If you look closely, you’ll always find that the addiction serves a valid purpose. Of course, it doesn’t serve this purpose effectively, but it serves a valid purpose. What happened to you in childhood that you have this problem? Addiction is not a primary problem it is an attempt to deal with a problem. How do you do that? By recovering your self” His interview with Tim Ferris provides a great introduction to these concepts.


Dr Gabor Maté interview with Tim Ferris on addiction

There is nothing sanitised about workaholism. It has the same causes and potentially lethal consequences as all other addictions.


"90 percent of people are addicts. 10 percent are lying to themselves. It is not why the addiction it is why the pain? The more egotistic and successful we become the less happy we become” (Gabor Maté). The brilliant video by After SKool about addiction with Gabor Maté will open your eyes.

How childhood trauma leads to addiction with Dr Gabor Maté, by After Skool

Shannon Mullen, anthropologist, wrote “In a way, we’re all addicts by nature.” Addiction may be behavioural (for example work, food, gambling, internet use, shopping, extreme sports, sex, and love) or to substances. Dennis Prager, author said “People can become addicted to fame, money, and attention as deeply as they become addicted to drugs.” Perhaps all addiction is an addiction to validation. Work successes have the same neurological effects as a shot of heroin – they envelop you in an ill perceived ‘blanket of love’. Everyone needs love. But you need to love your self first. What if you didn’t receive love unconditionally as a child? The causes, consequences, and recovery processes of the various types of addiction are all the same. Addiction is rooted in childhood trauma, often from an unvalidated childhood without unconditional love, resulting in unbearable emotions such as toxic shame. Yung Pueblo wrote “I was never addicted to one thing, I was addicted to filling a void within myself with things other than my own self love.”

“There is one addiction process.” Gabor Maté in his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. “That may be being a workaholic, retail addiction, sex and love addiction or drug or alcohol addiction to name but a few. This is very little to separate addicts from drug addicts to work addiction. We are all on a continuum. Addicts seek to numb or escape or obtain relief from that pain. It is a hell-bound train. It’s a one-way ticket. Addition medicine is palliative medicine. Most addiction patients will die from their addiction. Addiction kills. The sense of guilt is fathomless. It is within us to resist or succumb. It has to come from the individual. The one constant is pain. How does one sooth souls inflamed and tormented by invalidated childhood experiences? There is scarcely a happy ending. Addictions always originate in pain. Whether felt openly or hidden in the subconscious. They are emotional anaesthetics.”


In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Interview with Dr Gabor Maté and Joe Polish


"Addiction is not a disease or a human choice, it's an attempt to escape suffering temporarily. What people need is not judgement, they need help to be healed from their trauma. Is it possible for people to heal from trauma sufficiently that they don't have to keep escaping in their addictions to relieve their suffering of their trauma, then yes thats entirely possible. The question is under what conditions is that possible?" Dr Gabor Maté.

As Dr Gabor Maté says “To be totally honest, I haven’t resolved the issue of addiction in my life in general. So it could be that I just displaced it more into work.“ Workaholism is a topic that I will be exploring in detail as it has deep crossover with our Hustle Culture - watch this blog for many more posts on it. Just because you do something well and get external validation from it, if it doesn’t make you happy or give you meaning then it doesn’t mean it’s your Dharma, or life purpose, to do it.

Carl Jung wrote “Every Mother contains her daughter in herself and every daughter her mother and every mother extends backwards into her mother and forwards into her daughter.” We must break this vertical transmission of trauma through generations. How can we do this? By unconditionally loving our selves and those who are important to us. Russell Brand wrote “Addiction is a serious disease; it will end with jail, mental institutions, or death.” All addictions will ultimately follow this course, even work addiction, unless personal transformation occurs. Work addiction, like all other addictions, is a coping mechanism, that originates in childhood. Work addiction may have fatal consequences. Addiction gives you the wings to fly then it takes away the sky. So why is Hustle Culture promoted? Because corporations and institutions may behave like drug dealers - they use you until you are broken or worse. Then they move on. The only person that will truly care for you is you.


Brené Brown wrote “Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis… If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.” Indeed, stopping one addiction without transformation often simply results in a transfer of one’s gremlins sideways. This is why spiritual awakening is such an essential part of 12 step recovery programmes, which may be used in all addictions including work addiction. Recovery means recovering the you that you were meant to be, your true self: This is the essence of transformation and enlightenment. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. The many parallels suggest that addiction and the need for transformation are ubiquitous in human beings. Dr Gabor Maté says “What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.” J.K. Rowling said “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” Jamie Lee Curtis said “Recovery is an acceptance that your life is in shambles, and you have to change.” Is this starting to sound like transformation yet? As Jimi Hendrix said “In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first.” Eckhart Tolle says “It is when we are trapped in incessant streams of compulsive thinking that the universe really disintegrates for us, and we lose the ability to sense the interconnectedness of all that exists.” Lao Tzu wrote “Through return to simple living comes control of desires. In control of desires stillness is attained. In stillness the world is restored.”


Central issue is to use work as interpersonal anorexia. So don’t deal with people. Addicted to success. So you are addicted to the environment that triggers you (the people).


Work addicts are used by people to make money knowing that they will burn out. You are happy to be used. I was using emotional anorexia by shagging yourself to oblivion. The bosses are like publicans serving alcoholics.


Addiction is the result of childhood trauma, which may be abuse including emotional abuse, which may be due to a lack of unconditional love. The behaviour (work) in this case becomes a compulsive channel for avoiding deep seated emotional pain or feeling empty. The behaviour continues despite negative consequences and results in poor performance and burn out. The constant need for hustle (why do people still support this?) and a pathological need for external validation often associated with pervasive toxic shame may have severe consequences. A pathological need for validation. It's a question of survival.


"Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes; it's not a moral failure. What it actually is: it's a response to human suffering" Gabor Maté


Emmet Fox wrote “It is the law that any difficulties that can come to you at any time, must be exactly what you need most at the moment to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them... Suppose your whole world seems to rock on its foundations. Hold on steadily, let it rock, and when the rocking is over, the picture will have reassembled itself into something much nearer to your heart's desire… Some day (when we have enough spiritual growth) we will come to see that the seemingly disjointed happenings, the apparent accidents, are really part of an orderly pattern.” Marcus Aurelius wrote “Whatever the universal nature assigns to any man at any time is for the good of that man at that time.” We can’t choose the cards we are dealt with, but we can choose how we play the game. Nietzsche famously said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny“ (C.S. Lewis). It’s darkest before the dawn. There is no growth without adversity. Jean-Paul Sartre wrote “Life begins on the other side of despair.” Buddha said "Even loss and betrayal can bring us awakening." Jesus in John 3:3 “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Rumi wrote “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” “Turn your wounds into wisdom” (Oprah Winfrey). Carl Jung wrote “In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order... There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

“Even in the midst of devastation, something within us always points the way to freedom” (Sharon Salzberg). When encountering enormous adversity, challenges, and trauma in life, as all of us will, the first reaction may be to withdraw and collapse. Chris Bradford said “Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, now that is true strength.” Aeschylus wrote “Wisdom comes alone through suffering.” Friedrich Nietzsche wrote “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” (The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) In fact it is “Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves” (Henry David Thoreau). J.R.R. Tolkien wrote “From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.” Then you will be like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Audrey Hepburn said “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’M POSSIBLE’!” “Life has to break you down so you could be rebuilt. Getting lost along your path is a part of finding the path you are meant to be on” (Robin Sharma). A breakdown can become your breakthrough. Ferguson mused “You have to break down before you can break through.” “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places” (Ernest Hemingway).


The Dalai Lama said “ When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” Carl Jung wrote “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” He also said “There's no coming to consciousness without pain... The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Stop trying to calm the storm: Calm your self, the storm will pass. Napoleon Bonaparte said “Victory is not always winning the battle… but rising every time you fall.” You are not the darkness you endured, you are the light that refused to surrender. “You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?” (Nietzsche).


Buddha said “Like the lotus we have the ability to rise from the mud and bloom out of the darkness and radiate into the world.” “You can come out of the furnace of trouble two ways: if you let it consume you, you come out a cinder; but there is a kind of metal which refuses to be consumed and comes out a star” (Jean Church). “So long as you haven’t experienced this - to die and so to grow: You are only a troubled guest on the dark earth” (Goethe). “Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge” (Eckhart Tolle).

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains” (Anne Frank). “Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” (Robert H. Schuller). “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it” (Henry Ford).


Self-pity is the thief of time. Being in victim mode does not allow growth. “Victims fall in love with excuses” (Robin Sharma). “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy” (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything” Bishop W.C. Magee.


“Very good days are ahead. Turbulence is necessary for transformation. And things must fall apart for this to be built up in a greater way. The suffering will morph into strength. The wounds will grow into wisdom. The volatility will—eventually—yield a more decent humanity” (Robin Sharma). Joseph Campbell discussed personal transformation in the belly of the whale stage of the Hero’s Journey: The belly of the whale represents the final separation from the hero's known world and self. By entering this stage, the person shows a willingness to undergo a metamorphosis. “By this, the dreamer crosses to the other shore. And by a like miracle, so will each whose work is the difficult, dangerous task of self-discovery and self-development, be portered across the ocean of life.” Scott Peck wrote "It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. To proceed very far through the desert, you must be willing to meet existential suffering and work it through. In order to do this, the attitude toward pain has to change. This happens when we accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.”

Dr Steve Taylor psychologist explains in his book ‘Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation’ how trauma and adversity leads to a greater understanding of who we truly are. For 15 years, he researched cases of spontaneous awakening that occurred in the midst of intense psychological trauma such as bereavement, severe depression, addiction, intense stress, and suffering. A miraculous transformation sometimes occurs: the death of an old identity and the birth of a new, spiritually awakened self. He explains what we can learn from the phenomenon and teach some principles that can apply to our own spiritual development and enlightenment. This process is due to the process of the disillusion of identity or ego, breaking down the sense of identity and ego, allowing for the emergence of a deeper essential self. So trauma can lead to new depths of spiritual awakening that most of us find difficult to imagine. Even during deep depression one can feel moments of elation walking in the woods feeling connected and uplifted – trees seem like sentient beings and the sky feels to have radiance a sense that all things are one and you are a part of this oneness. The world feels like harmony, clarity, and truth. The experience leaves you with a sense that life is more meaningful. One can finally understand and accept oneself through these spiritual journeys or awakening experiences – one feels more intensely and fully awake. When we return to normal consciousness, we carry them with us and gain a positivity about life. This is transformation through turmoil – going through a dramatic transformation into a higher functioning state, which is equivalent to permanent spiritual awakening. In addicts it may manifest itself as ‘addiction release’ – a sudden freedom from craving after hitting rock bottom. It also happens during depression and grief loss. People experience this shift as a new identity: a shift into a new and integrated self-system which is fundamentally different to their previous self-system. Steve Taylor says “It’s like there are two people – there’s a before and after.” People feel that “There’s no going back. I am a different person now, for the rest of my life... I’ve moved into another level of consciousness which I know is going to stay with me. It’s like the transformation of a caterpillar goes through during the chrysalis stage before emerging as a butterfly.” As long as you let go and step back from your predicament you can remain in an ongoing state of bliss and harmony.


At rock bottom the false house of the ego collapses. The normal self and identity give way, and again there is an open space inside us. In some people this gives space for a latent higher self to emerge and fill, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It has been waiting to arise. Why doesn’t everyone undergo this transformation? The person has to have a sense of openness and readiness to experience and empathy to the world. People with strong control or ego are less likely to let go and see this change. It’s a question of readiness – the ego is not ready to emerge. The main factor in transformation is acknowledgment and acceptance. People identify a moment where they stop fighting, surrender and open themselves, and embrace their situation rather than push it away. Drop into your suffering – Let Go.


The solution to addiction is connection - to your self and to others. Genuine deep inner knowing, and genuine deep connections with those that you love and who are important to you.


Hustle Culture

Validation

Shame

Egocentric fear and control

“Put your thoughts to sleep, do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart.Let go of thinking.” Rumi


Awareness of your fears allows us to dip below the surface in TLC: “Find out what a person fears most and that is where he will develop next” (Jung).


George Addair, entrepreneur said “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady and civil rights supporter, said “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Nelson Mandela, revolutionary and political leader, said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Emmet Fox gave us a call to courage and action: “Do it trembling if you must, but do it!” Mark Twain, author and entrepreneur, wrote “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” John Wayne, actor, film maker and icon, said “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”


But, do you need to be a brave cowboy? Do we need to live in fear, even if we can overcome it? Perhaps if we reframe fear, by thinking about our thinking, as described previously, we can live fearlessly. Tolle writes “This is my secret, I don't mind what happens.” Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher who taught that philosophy is a way of life and not simply a theoretical discipline, said “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.” Fear does not live in the present. Fear is a liar. Fear itself is like a rocking chair – it keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. If you are not your thoughts, as you will realise when you become self-aware, remember that nobody can hurt you without your permission. Fear and faith do not live in the same house. Love is fearless. Marcus Aurelius said “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength.” Tolle echoed “All problems are illusions of the mind.” The acronym FEAR is best expanded as 'Face Everything And Rise' or 'False Evidence Appearing Real.' It has been shown in studies that over 90 percent of fears never happen. Even if they do, Tolle reminds us that “This, too, will pass.” Worrying works – 90 percent of the things that you worry about never happen!


Fear - False Evidence Appearing Real


In fact, fear may be the pointer to where you may grow the most! Joseph Campbell said about the Hero’s Journey “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek... We must let go of the life we have planned, in order to accept the one that is waiting for us... Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” Carrying your cross as Jesus did precedes awakening and 'resurrection'.


Marie Curie, physicist, chemist and twice Nobel Prize winner, advised “Nothing in life is to feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.” Anaïs Nin, writer, wrote “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Paul Coelho wrote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” Fear is a waste of time!: Matthew 6:25-34 wrote “Therefore do not worry about your life… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Many of us live unaware of how the unresolved terrors, traumas and challenges of early life - fear of abandonment, not being loved, fear of not being worthy, and fear of failure - show up in our life as 'invisible lions': Benjamin Fry, psychotherapist, author and entrepreneur, talks about fear being an appropriate response to a threat that has long gone – hence the ‘invisible lion’. Robin Sharma says “Worry drains the mind of its power and, sooner or later, it injures the soul.”


What's love got to do with it? The Dalai Lama said “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless you become.” Fear is often due to egocentric worries about not being in control. If we can get 'out of our selves and live a life of purpose where we give service to others, then we lose our fear.


Perhaps we are scared of our own power? You feel an energy, drive, unstoppable determination to succeed within you.: IF you can harness this as a force for good, would you become powerful beyond measure? What is holding you back? Plato, the philosopher who had Socrates to guide him and he himself guided Aristotle, said “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Paul Coelho wrote "Don’t fear the light within. May it ignite the Sacred Flame in your soul." Perhaps fear is a call to give our positive energy to the world? Marianne Williamson, author, spiritual leader, and political activist said “You will fear the darkness only to the extent that you yourself are not providing light.” She adds “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”


Frank Herbert, author, wrote “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”


- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.

- I shall fear only God.

- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.

- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.

- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.

Mahatma Gandhi





What is keeping you awake at night?

Are you unhappy, unfulfilled, stuck, lost, joyless, addicted to work, or burn out?


Who are you? What can I help you with? How may I guide you? Do you identify with "The Wrong Tower Phenomenon?" Don't worry, secretly, if we are brave enough, we all do. Let us now answer three questions here.

Who are we?

What do we need help with?

How may I guide YOU?

As your coach, I will guide you to look inside, to find your true values, to learn to let go of your negative thoughts - they are not you, show you how to be present, find your unique purpose in life, find meaning, fulfilment, and happiness. I will guide you to transform. You will experience deep shifts in your character, find the adult assertive you, who is not full of shame and fear, who is intuitive, energised, and yes, quite frankly limitless.


My story

I am delighted to say that I am a workaholic in remission. Yep. There, I said it. You are never 'cured of addiction'. To think otherwise is folly. You have tools available to get well and to remain healthy. Anyone who thinks that they have 'cracked' addiction will simply see their 'side addictions' or 'gremlins' come out, again and again. Most addicts belong in more than one addiction group. Addiction is not the problem; it's the symptom. The problem is childhood trauma, and that needs treating. I have had trauma therapies in the form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), which dampens the power of emotionally charged memories of past traumatic events, and embodiment techniques. These have all been very effective and essential parts of healing. I have cried a lot. I never used to cry. Crying is healing. Now I cry with joy. A personal transformation is required to deal with the problem of needing external validation (described below). Recovery means finding your self. Where do we look? Look inside of course! How do you do that? With TLC. Out of all the psychiatric medical treatments, psychotherapeutic treatments, EMDR, 12 step recovery, meditation, mindfulness, and Transformative Life Coaching that I have had, this last, TLC, gave me the most profound transformation, returning purpose, perspective, and balance to my life. The other parts were necessary, but TLC was essential. You may ask "Are there benefits of being a workaholic?" I say definitely yes, but I don't mean the benefits to your boss or your company on the road to burnout, as these are short-lived and unsustainable. The one benefit of having suffered from workaholism, or any addiction, that is not described in the literature as far as I am aware is that we possess a nuclear capability in terms of having access to a source of energy that was developed to be powerful enough to propel our young traumatised inner child unharnessed through all of adult life's challenges, even propelling us to reach the top of The Wrong Tower despite all the adversity. Now healthy, our resilience becomes much greater than in those who have not experienced childhood trauma; and our energetic coping mechanisms, though now calm, serene, peaceful and healthy, have become an irresistible force: An effulgence - a divine light that brings us clarity, purpose, direction, and limitless creativity. When combined with spiritual enlightenment through TLC, we are armed with a coherent, healthy indomitable force for good, in service to others. A very far cry from the ego that once kept us alive through dark times.


I know who I am. I would like to guide YOU to this stage of personal growth and self enlightenment. Recovery means finding your self. Enlightenment means finding your self. Enlightenment means recovery. Once you are awake you cannot go back to sleep. See my complete guide to enlightenment:




Resilience

In every English dictionary resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties: the ability to be happy, and purposeful again after something difficult or bad has happened. It is NOT the resistance to being broken - that is rigidity, stiffness, or inflexibility. Those are not good character traits! Strength isn’t about how much you can handle before you break, it's about how much you can endure after you’ve been broken. “We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken” (John Greene).


As described above there is transformation following trauma – recovering after adversity is the road to enlightenment.

Life loves you so much that it sends you difficulties to make you strong. Read that again.


The Wheel of Life

We need to build solid foundations before building "The Right Tower": Fulfilment, joy, happiness, love, connection.


Building the Eiffel Tower.


What actually helps you to be productive




The wheel of life At its most basic level, the wheel serves as a visual depiction your eight most essential life areas. These categories may differ significantly from person to person and are determined by you during the initial phases of our coaching relationship. You'll stay fulfilled if you keep each of these sections (or rooms in your new mansion) in check: Life's happiness and fulfilment cannot be limited to a single area or room. Health, profession, money, family, friendships, spirituality, romantic connections, and hobbies are some of the most widely used categories in the pie chart. Because the wheel of life is so adaptable, it can be used to map out various aspects of your life, such as regions where you could practise more self-compassion, areas where you're most stressed, or even significant aspects of your finances. Once you've identified the eight areas, you can arrange them as areas or spokes around a wheel and rate your present levels of happiness in each category (on a scale of 1-10). You can then connect the dots to create a visual depiction of your current life to see where you can improve your satisfaction levels. A life that is highly skewed in one region, like a wheel with a broken spoke or a jagged edge, would not go smoothly or efficiently. When your life has been out of balance, it can be a really beneficial tool for helping you reassess your priorities. I may use it in our initial conversations. It can help highlight problems and areas to prioritise, such as if you are burnt out or suffering from workaholism, or generally being stuck, unfulfilled, unhappy, or dissatisfied without fully understanding why. Buddha said "Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it." Matthew Arnold, poet, sage writer, and cultural critic, wrote "Resolve to be thy self; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery." Ella Wilcox, poet and author, wrote "There is no satisfaction that can compare with looking back across the years and finding you’ve grown in self-control, judgment, generosity, and unselfishness." Jerry Giles, author, wrote "You will recognise your own path when you come upon it, because you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need." Mahatma Gandhi, lawyer and political ethicist, said "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."


Health not only means physical fitness, but also includes self care: Meditation, mindfulness, yoga, surfing, walking or running in nature, woods or by the sea. Remember we practice self care because we love our selves. We do not try to look good because we hate our selves.



SUMMARY

The solution:

There is a remedy to workaholism - trauma treatment, 12 step recovery programmes, and TLC to recover limitless energy without the need for compulsive work patterns to achieve validation, by seeking enlightement, which means finding your self, and is accessible to all: "Be close to the transcendental core of me." Carl Rogers, psychologist, which is the essence of TLC. Enlightenment is nothing to do with behaviour - it's a connection of inner spirits - that of the coach and the client - leading to energy and healing. I experienced it. I recovered using a variety of techniques. I have become expert in it and have lived experience. It is my GIFT to YOU.


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



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Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”







Click here for the books that I know will help you along your journey of recovering your Self:









I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.




Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.


 
 
 

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