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Vulnerability

Updated: Jan 29

For my 70th article I would love to discuss vulnerability with you. It's a huge and crucial topic in personal transformation and wellbeing. Our social DNA and our 'dog-eat-dog' society does not inherently encourage us to be vulnerable. For instance, in an interview with the best known and unique researcher on shame and vulnerability, Professor Brené Brown discussed a workshop that she had facilitated. Coaches from 48 different nations participated: Every one of them mentioned a saying from their own culture that conflated weakness with vulnerability. Being vulnerable is viewed as a weakness rather than as a virtue or as a sign of courage in many of today's cultures. 


The Merriam-Webster definition of vulnerability is "Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded - Open to attack or damage: Assailable." This fundamental error is because most of our dysfunctional world consists of egos running amok: This underlies all the problems, drama, and conflicts in the world. No wonder it's a total shambles right now. No wonder the world is unaware of what vulnerability means and what gold it can pour forth.


Brené Brown wrote that “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”


When you speak from the heart, that's when people really listen.


Vulnerability heals as it is the opposite of conflict (which is a false victim narrative) and ego. It’s unmasking the Truth.


We are meant to be perfect but we are not allowed to express our true Selves.


Every time you share an emotion with another you halve its power over you. Just keep doing that. When you share emotions, use 'I' statements as then you own your feelings, and owning them allows you to give them away. Never censor your emotions. Avoid the word 'should' as it condemns us.


Fear is the language of the ego: Fear is a liar, and it hates and isolates. Vulnerability is the language of the soul: Vulnerability is the language of love, courage, and connection. Vulnerability is how you get to know your true Self as it is through emotions that we access our Truth: Truth is a feeling.


Vulnerability underpins the genuine capacity for human connection. It is a foundational stone of empowerment, possibility, and success in all areas of life. Vulnerability is the key to the new dawn just ahead of you, and a lock to the night behind you (you know, the one with the false narratives, trauma, and catastrophising thoughts). Vulnerability, when shared, is the basis of your new life and it is your way out of pain and fear.


The secret to living a wholehearted life is actually to embrace your attributes, your emotional intuitive intelligence, and to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Brené Brown sought out therapy herself after realising that acceptance of vulnerability and imperfection are the keys to a fulfilling and genuine existence instead of striving for impossible, unreachable, superficial ‘perfection’.


If we all lived life with vulnerability we would immediately realise that we all feel the same. This would bring an end to all conflict overnight and the human condition would be cured.


The more you reveal your Self to others - the more you come to know your Self. This is the basis of the Johari Window, which was based on work done by Carl Jung. 


Vulnerability cultivates a relationship with your true Self, as well as a genuine connection with others, and a deep communion with the divine (then unseen power of the Universe that Albert Einstein referred to). Vulnerability means to recognise that you are essentially whole and unbroken: You can’t allow your Self to be vulnerable if you think that you are in pieces: You are not. The only way we can truly know ourselves and live this way is by being willing to be vulnerable. It is only by smelling your own emotional bouquet that the landscape of reality will reveal itself to you in all its awe, wonder, and splendour, where you may breathe in a little bit of the real world’s fragrant oxygen, beyond the most foul stink of illusion.


Would you like to lead a miraculous life full of infinite possibility, Real Personal Power, and abundance? Amy Poelher wrote that “It’s very hard to have ideas. It’s very hard to put yourself out there, it’s very hard to be vulnerable, but those people who do that are the dreamers, the thinkers and the creators. They are the magic people of the world.” In a world that mistakenly believes that true beauty is based on appearances (imagine if we could see each other's souls instead of each other's faces), and therefore craves external validation, Brené Brown is a breath of fresh air, when she says "What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful."



When we are vulnerable, people truly listen. The brilliant Stoic philosopher Epictetus wrote “Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” Vulnerability draws vulnerability and openness out of another person. It's an open gate opening another gate. 


Please let me know if you would like to join my 'VOICE for men' group: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, and timeless truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears.



Olly Alexander Branford MD, MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD


Professor Brené Brown is the world's leading researcher on vulnerability. She said that "Vulnerability is not a weakness: It's our greatest measure of courage."


Rumi wrote:


“Soul, if you want to learn secrets, 

your heart must forget about

shame and dignity.

You are God’s lover, 

yet you worry

what people

are saying.”


Rumi nails it once again. We need to stop worrying about thoughts about us - both our own and those of others. The transformative journey is all about this (more on this below).


90 Second Life Lessons: 'What is vulnerability?'


What is vulnerability?

Vulnerability is the state of being open, exposed, and emotionally honest. It involves willingly showing our true selves, including our deepest fears, emotions, flaws, and uncertainties, without the protective mask and iron-clad armour of pretence or 'perfection'. It is about stepping out of our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to be seen authentically for who we truly are, building trust, and opening the doors to genuine connections and meaningful relationships. Leo Christopher wrote “Vulnerability is the essence of connection, and the connection is the essence of existence.”


In the last ten years, psychologists and social scientists have become interested in vulnerability. Their research has found that those moments when we experience ourselves as naked and defenceless are crucial to developing intimacy, building a sense of identity and cultivating self-worth. This is not a new idea. Medieval scholars spoke of finding the bravery required to live with integrity and speak from the heart, and thought it was a cardinal virtue. Perhaps this twenty-first-century interest in vulnerability has been driven by dissatisfaction with the self-esteem movement, and its brittle, Narcissistic displays of achievement. Or perhaps vulnerability has piqued the interest of researchers because of its centrality in twenty-first-century life. Entering bank details online, emailing personal information: there’s a wheedling voice in our heads that wonders how protected our secrets are. And in the workplace? Being robust enough to withstand the vulnerability of our positions may be a critical factor in our ability to navigate life as ‘precariat’ workers, bounced from one short-term contract to the next. Even precariats working in the creative industries, held up as exemplars of the entrepreneurial spirits which emerge when we are denied job security, may struggle with managing vulnerability. They have to learn to be audacious enough to lay out fledgling ideas before clients, and resilient enough to cope when they say ‘no’.


Vulnerability requires courage for us to show up as our 'imperfect' selves (can souls ever be imperfect as we are one with the divine?) It is only a transformative journey that allows us to live wholeheartedly and experience the richness of life. Stephen Russell wrote that "Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don't mask or deny your vulnerability. It is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: Quake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable. i.e. open."


Kamand Kojouri wrote “Vulnerability is the courage to be yourself in a world that constantly tries to shape you" and then shames and judges you.


For me, vulnerability is essential to awakening. The message from the spiritual Masters and philosophical geniuses over the millennia is that the goal of awakening, or Enlightenment, is for awareness to take over from our stinking thinking. In other words, for intuition to take over from fear-based thinking. Or in other words still, for the heart to take over from the mind. Or feeling emotions (allowing your Self to be vulnerable) and letting go of negative catastrophising thought. It’s the same as switching from asking 'What would fear do?' to 'What would love do?' Or 'What would my real Self (Higher Power) do instead of my fake self (ego)?' These are all metaphors for the same internal shift: From the numb, ‘invincible’ ego (the terrified 7-year-old in you that is running your life but is actually encased in a suit of concrete and is absorbing all the emotions until they bubble over as a nervous breakdown) to the authentic and vulnerable higher true you who feels pain, does not attach negative thinking to it, learns from it and then lets it go.


Gail Sheehy wrote "With each passage of human growth we must shed a protective structure (like a hardy crustacean). We are left exposed and vulnerable - but also yeasty and embryonic again, capable of stretching in ways we hadn't known before." I love this metaphor of vulnerability shedding a carcass to reveal the metamorphosis and transformation, like a butterfly emerging into the light.


Vulnerability is the key to your vibrant emotional garden: In this garden grow the trees of wisdom and Truth. Ego is the key to the tree of knowledge of good and evil and shame - look what happened to Eve and Adam when they ate of it's forbidden fruit.


Honour your feelings. To do this you first need to honour your Self.


Vulnerability is a connection catalyst. It's a force of Nature. As Ellie Chu said in the film 'The Half of It' Gravity is matter's response to loneliness."


Masters are imperturbable in the face of calamity.


Opening up to another human being takes courage, because showing vulnerability in this shallow world of external validation is an act of strong rebellion. Audre Lorde wrote "That visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength." Shannon L. Adler wrote “If there was any great lesson in life it was this: No battle was ever won with silence.” 


Madeleine L'Engle wrote “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” You only stop being vulnerable when you are dead.


I remember when my own psychotherapist told me that our pride won't let us be vulnerable, and that being vulnerable is our greatest strength. So tell pride to get lost, and welcome your Real Personal Power. When people ask us how we are, we always say "I am fine", when we are clearly not. He said that FINE stands for 'Fuc*ed up, Insecure, Nervous and Evasive. When we are vulnerable we release our emotions. Emotion means energy in motion: We have to let emotions go, once we have felt them, in order to be free of them. Wellbeing and transformation may be defined as being when you speak from your heart and not your head. That is the only way to connect with others. Loneliness is not the absence of people - it's the inability to communicate at gut level with another human being. Intimacy means - 'In-to-me-I-see'. The answer is always to look inwards.


What does the journey into vulnerability look like?

E.A. Bucchianeri said “It’s a shame there has to be a tragedy before the best in people will finally shine.” The psychologist Dr Steven Taylor says in his book, 'Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation' that after adult trauma we may drop the ego overnight and find our higher Self: Recovering after adversity is one path to Enlightenment. In every English dictionary resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties: The ability to be happy, and purposeful again after something difficult or bad has happened. It is NOT the resistance to being broken - that is rigidity, stiffness, or inflexibility. Those are not good character traits! No-one is invulnerable. It's not what happens to you that defines you: It's what you do next. John Greene wrote that “We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.” 


Vulnerability is there when we pluck up the courage to ask for something we need, when we say, ‘I care about this, and I want you to care about it too.’ It’s there when we make a commitment – ‘I love you’; ‘I trust you’ – or confess to feeling tender, joyful, terrified. It feels like the wind whistling through the ribcage. It can be unpleasant. Exposing. Vulnerability is laying out the dreams of Yeats’s poem, and hoping no one will stomp all over them: "I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

 

M. Scott Peck wrote “It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. To proceed very far through the desert, you must be willing to meet existential suffering and work it through. In order to do this, the attitude toward pain has to change. This happens when we accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.” That courage and wisdom is called vulnerability.


The journey into vulnerability is the ‘Hero’s Journey.’ It involves taking off your mask of inauthenticity, your impenetrable suit of armour, which prevents you from feeling alive, your cloak of darkness, and stepping into your light. It involves going into the cave that you fear the most, but where your greatest treasure lies – your saviour: Your saviour is YOU, and only you, even though it's a good idea to have a guide. So how do you start this journey?


Vulnerability heals as it is the opposite of conflict (false victim narrative) and ego. It’s unmasking the Truth. It begins with a willingness to be real: To let down the impenetrable concrete walls that we’ve built around our hearts. Embracing vulnerability is like giving yourself a warm hug. There is an aphorism in recovery circles “You are only as sick as your secrets.” Brené Brown wrote in 'Daring Greatly' “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” By being completely vulnerable and honest open and willing one loses one's shame. You find your voice again. Also, by working a 12 step programme as people in real fellowships generally don’t judge (if they are on the path) as a result of their understanding and wisdom. Truth gets rid of shame. Truth gives courage. Courage allows action: Action directed to service and one’s true purpose. Openness, rigorous honesty, willingness, and vulnerability are essential elements of healing from childhood trauma. 


Brené Brown wrote “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” She continues “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light… We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.” 


I have found writing to be incredibly helpful and healing. Ellen Bass wrote “So often (childhood trauma) survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialised, or distorted. Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you the opportunity to define your own reality. You can say: This did happen to me. It was that bad. It was the fault and responsibility of the adult. I was - and am - innocent.” 


Brené Brown wrote in 'Daring Greatly' “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” Brené Brown wrote in 'The Gifts of Imperfection' “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” She continued “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm… Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.” 


Brené also wrote “I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do… Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” Brené Brown wrote in 'Daring Greatly' “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen... Vulnerability sounds like Truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” She continued "I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few."


Paul Coelho wrote “The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” Chris Jami wrote “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”


Brené Brown wrote in 'Rising Strong' “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” It's our greatest predictor of our infinite possibility. Brené Brown wrote “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” She added “If you own this story you get to write the ending.” If you own your narrative it is the Truth, not a made up mask to try to hide behind.

 

What happens when you allow your Self to be vulnerable?

Haruki Murakami wrote “What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” Vulnerability releases us from negative thoughts and their associated emotions. Kemi Sogunle said “Embrace vulnerability so that you can be set free from fear.” Terry Tempest Williams said “Vulnerability is the bridge between fear and courage.” Thich Nhat Hanh went further, writing that “Vulnerability is the gateway to compassion and understanding.”


When you allow your Self to be vulnerable you will also start to feel alive. You will find peace, love, joy, Grace, and miracles, daily. Amy Poehler wrote “Vulnerability is the key to happiness. Vulnerable people are powerful people.”


Deepak Chopra wrote “Embracing vulnerability allows us to connect deeply with others.” Pema Chödrön said that “True connection is only possible through vulnerability.” Frank Crane wrote “We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”


Eckhart Tolle wrote that "Vulnerability is the catalyst for personal and spiritual growth."


Jamie Tworkowski wrote “It is simply a confession that with all that I've seen in the last few years, all the events I've been invited to, and all the people whom I've met, I am less and less impressed by "impressive" things or people who are presented as having things figured out. I am impressed by people who are honest and kind. I am inspired by moments of vulnerability, moments of confession and compassion." Amen to that.


Embracing vulnerability allows love to work as medicine. Vironika Tugaleva wrote that "Emotions flow from psychological wounds... Next time some harmless situation triggers you or someone around you into an intense emotion - realise it's an attempt at emotional healing. Realise the danger is no longer there, but don't suppress the healing of old dangers and old pains. Allow the pain. Don't react, but don't repress. Embrace the pain. Embrace the pain of others. Like this, we have some chance at healing the endless cycles of generational repression and suppression that are rolling around in our society. Fall open. Break open. Sit with others' openness. Let love be your medicine.” Dr Joyce Brothers wrote that "Love comes when manipulation stops... When you dare to reveal your Self fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."

 

When we have experienced childhood trauma we create a false self in an attempt to be accepted, so there is a rupture of the Self: Our psyche is fractured, if you will. Imagine the younger version of you being literally fractured into different parts psychologically. That resonated with me. Vulnerability is the tissue-friendly superglue that allows us to repair our fractured psyche. My brilliant and holistic psychiatrist told me so, in not as many words. John Bradshaw, counsellor and personal growth author, wrote in his brilliant book 'Healing The Shame That Binds You' that “The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured for long. At the deepest level, toxic shame triggers our basic automatic defensive cover-ups. Freud called these automatic cover-ups our primary ego defences. Once these defences are in place they function automatically and unconsciously, sending our true and authentic selves into hiding. We develop a false identity out of this basic core. We become master impersonators. We avoid our core agony and pain and over a period of years, we avoid our avoidance.” We abandon our Selves.


John Bradshaw, like all best authors, writes from the heart, personal lived experience, vast expertise, and is a modern day philosopher. Shame, resulting from a totally unvalidated dysfunctional childhood is truly the pandemic of our disconnected times. Toxic shame is a fundamental belief that “I am bad. I am broken. I need to hide my authentic self from the world.” 


John Bradshaw's classic speech about 'Healing The Shame That Binds You':"Toxic shame is soul murder"


Sharon Salzberg wrote "Someone who has experienced trauma also has gifts to offer all of us - in their depth, their knowledge of our universal vulnerability, and their experience of the power of compassion."


You may have heard about the negative effects of toxic shame from speakers like Brené Brown in her numerous TED Talks and YouTube videos on the subject, but recognising when toxic shame enters our lives today and undermines our relationships, particularly with ourselves, can be difficult: Shame hides from the light. Our task is to shine a light on it.


Professor Brené Brown on Shame and Vulnerability in one of her TED talks


Brené Brown said that "If we are going to find our way back to each other, then vulnerability will be that path."


The recovery of the true Self is central to the solution. Toxic shame is cunning, baffling, and powerful and leads to addiction. Dr Gabor Maté says “Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes; it’s not a moral failure. What it actually is: It’s a response to human suffering.” 


Vulnerability is key to the healing process:


Hurt people hurt people;

Traumatised people traumatise traumatised people;

Loved people love people;

Healed people heal people;

Transformed people transform people;

Vulnerable people allow you to be vulnerable.


Brené Brown said “We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.” You will heal from your toxic shame. Shame resilience is unavoidable if we wish to permit vulnerability. Put differently, by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we refuse to let shame control who we are. Shame underlies much of our fear and pain. Healing is a win-win. When we confess our shame, we are invariably shocked to learn that other people have experienced exactly the same things: This is because the human experience is Universal: We just have different ways of responding to it. You can reveal your beautiful soul, or you can become a dic*head. Sadly, the majority of people choose the latter. It really is your choice.


You’ll rapidly discover that confiding in one another during these times strengthens a connection. Allow the circle to gradually expand. If you have been able to practice open communication and are in touch with yourself, your intuition or gut instinct will tell you what comes next. Closeness comes from vulnerability, from the soft belly of human weakness and fragility. One can hide a lot under the stony mask of fake ‘resilience’, even one’s whole self.


M. Scott Peck wrote "There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community."

 

Vulnerability, then, is not a weakness, it’s our greatest strength. It’s the cornerstone of personal growth and transformation. It is the pathway to discovering the depths of our own true resilience. It’s about embracing the discomfort of authenticity and allowing ourselves to be seen and understood, even when it feels challenging .


In essence, vulnerability is the courage to share the unfiltered, unpolished aspects of our lives , fostering genuine connections and true transformation.


Carl Rogers famously said: “The things that we feel most separate us from one another are actually the ones that we have most in common.”


Alexander Den Heijer wrote “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” But while waiting for that, you may as well bloom.


Jonathan Swift wrote “I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.” Chögyam Trungpa wrote “We do not have to be ashamed of what we are. As sentient beings we have wonderful backgrounds. These backgrounds may not be particularly enlightened or peaceful or intelligent. Nevertheless, we have soil good enough to cultivate; we can plant anything in it.” 


Stephen Russell wrote in 'Barefoot Doctor's Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Handbook for the Urban Warrior' that"Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: Quake and shake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.”


Vulnerability is an alchemising ingredient in transmuting suffering into transformation. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.”


The Johari Window

The more you reveal your Self to others - the more you come to know your Self. This is the basis of the Johari Window, which was based on work done by Carl Jung. The Johari window is a technique designed to help people better understand their relationship with themselves and others. It was created by psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995) in 1955, and is used primarily in self-help groups, coaching settings, and corporate settings as a heuristic (problem solving) exercise. Luft and Ingham named their model "Johari" using a combination of their first names.


In the exercise, someone picks a number of adjectives from a list, choosing ones they feel describe their own personality. The subject's peers then get the same list, and each picks an equal number of adjectives that describe the subject. These adjectives are then inserted into a two-by-two grid of four cells, shown below.


The 'Johari Window'


In 'Inside Organisations: 21 Ideas for Managers' (1990), Charles Handy calls this concept the Johari House with four rooms. Room one is the part of ourselves that both we and others can see into. Room two contains aspects that others see but we are unaware of. Room three is the unconscious part of us that neither we ourselves nor others see. Room four is the private space we know but hide from others (the mask and the shadow). Being authentic means to bring all rooms into the light. This is how you deploy the power of your shadow and become fully integrated in your psyche.


Arena/Open

The open area is that part of our conscious self – our attitudes, behaviour, motivation, values, and way of life – that we are aware of and that is known to others. We move within this area with freedom. We are "open books".


Façade/hidden

Adjectives selected by the subject, but not by any of their peers, go in this quadrant. These are things the peers are either unaware of, or that are untrue but for the subject's claim.


Blind Spot

Adjectives not selected by subjects, but only by their peers go here. These represent what others perceive but the subject does not.


Unknown unknowns

Adjectives that neither the subject nor the peers selected go here. They represent the subject's behaviours or motives that no one participating recognises – either because they do not apply or because of collective ignorance of these traits. This is the shadow described by Carl Jung. We all keep other people in the dark about aspects known to one's Self.


In Carl Jung's theory of personality and individuation Jung then is effectively telling the patient, that he needs to get out of the way of the therapeutic disclosure process, so the therapist can see what the truth is, and see what problems and conflicts they are dealing with. In reality, what his Nobel-Laureate collaborator (on synchronicity) physicist Wolfgang Pauli was trying to hide in part during sessions in dream analysis with Jung, was his leading a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde double life, one as physicist during the day, the other as someone who frequented the "red light" district at night. If this information were to have come to the light, Pauli's career might have been ruined. 


Not everyone deserves your vulnerability

Jesus says in the Bible Matthew 7:6 “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine.” Swine were particularly unpopular in the local culture.


Jesus said in John 8:7 “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” True that! Hard to argue with the big man! I see no stones being thrown. Wilson Kanadi puts this so succinctly “Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge.” There is so much to say on this, but not everyone deserves your vulnerability. Yasmin Mogahed wrote “Some people should not be allowed to see beyond your surface. Seeing your vulnerability is a privilege, not meant for everyone.” 


Unveiling true strength

In our ever-changing toxic dysfunctional society, there emerges a man who personifies what true strength really is. He is sent by God, when He sees the need. Right now there is much need. This man is not a mythic hero or an unemotional historical figure. This man, with his daily struggles and quiet victories, is the real picture of strength and human vulnerability. This man could be YOU. He moves through life with Self-assuredness, handling his journey with the ease of someone who knows their higher path well. At first appearances, he’s the support others rely on, a stable figure in his community, always there to lend a hand or offer advice. He’s the friend who checks in, the dad at every football game, the partner who listens with care. In his eyes, you see the sparkle of a man who seems to have it all sorted out.


But away from public eyes, there’s a story not often told. It’s not about his victories, but the quiet struggles he faces when no one’s looking. Society has told men like him to hide their worries and fears. So, he still wears his armour every day, fulfilling the role the world expects of him. However, in his private moments, this armour feels heavy. The smile that easily lit up his face during the day now struggles to appear at night.


Alone, the man lets himself feel. In these private moments, he faces the pressures of being everyone’s support, the emotional rock. The burden of expectation (his and that of others) can feel overwhelming. His vulnerabilities, often seen as weaknesses, are really the silent witnesses to his ongoing struggles. In these moments of vulnerability, his real strength shows. It’s not in loud, showy displays of power, but in quietly acknowledging his struggles. Sharing them with his loved ones. It’s in the bravery of facing his fears, admitting he doesn’t have all the answers, and understanding that strength isn’t about never being weak, but about continuing despite it. About being ok when it's not all ok. The remarkable man is among us. He’s the friend who’s been through tough times but still makes you laugh. He’s the brother fighting his own battles but always your protector. He’s the father who seems to carry the world on his shoulders yet never shows it when playing with his children. In each role, he brings a true, inspiring strength. Jesus was such a man. His greatest gift was that he showed us that we all have his unlimited potential. God sent us his own son to show us the way.


As each day begins, he faces the world again. He puts on his armour, not to hide his weaknesses, but to face a world that doesn’t yet fully understand the beauty of a man’s vulnerability. Just as there is the Divine Feminine, there is the Divine Masculine. Every day is proof of this man's resilience, a balance between the strength he shows and the vulnerabilities he accepts. But with each day, he needs less and less of the suit of armour.

This man’s journey reminds us that real strength is in being openly strong and vulnerable. It’s a call to rethink masculinity, to move away from old norms, to move away from the patriarchy that we all suffer from, and to embrace a more real, humane version of manhood. In the end, he’s remarkable not for the burdens he has carried, but for how he carried them. It’s in his ability to rise each day, to face the silent battles, and to accept his vulnerabilities, that he truly redefines strength. He’s a living example of strength and vulnerability, showing us what it means to be truly human.


You are that man. Do get in touch, I am here to serve you.


Vulnerability is the ending of isolation.


Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr has the final word “I believe that unarmed Truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality.” I am sure they will.


These are the emotions that I have covered for you in my series on emotions (click on the link to be taken to them):


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



Email me: 





Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”







Click here for the books that I know will help you along your journey of recovering your Self:









I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.




Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.


 
 
 

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