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Compassion

Updated: Jan 25

The World is Sinking: Everyone is Drowning Right Now. Could Compassion be the Lifeboat That we all so Badly Need and How Do We Get it?


What is compassion?

Arthur Schopenhauer, the brilliant German philosopher, wrote that “Compassion is the basis of all morality.”


God will take little notice of us if we are not loving. The basis of our recovery program is compassion and love for one another. Our understanding of each other’s feelings and our desire to help is the foundation of our recovery. We are never as close to God as in our compassionate moments. That’s when we know the true meaning of morality. That’s when we know God. I remember the compassion that brought me to recovery. May my actions today be a reflection of that love. Look in the mirror and tell the person looking back that you love them. We need to love ourselves before we can show it to others. Be kind to those you meet, but first of all be gentle, loving, and kind to you, you are worth it!


Compassion is what we find at the end of the spiritual rainbow after we have taken the transformative journey. It's the pot of gold that never runs out. It's a core value that underpins so many others such as love and service. It's one of my core values. The greatest Masters of wisdom and Truth consistently place compassion at the top of the pyramid of human behaviours. Everything they teach seems to culminate with showing compassion for others.


The Dalai Lama XIV said that compassion is “Love, affection, kindness, gentleness, generosity of spirit, and warm-heartedness.” People with these traits don’t go into an interpersonal encounter seeking something for themselves: They go in with the intention of serving that person in some way, especially if that person is suffering. Maya Angelou said “My mission in life is not simply to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style."


One of the most Enlightened human beings I’ve come across in my years studying spirituality, philosophy, wisdom, and Truth, Neem Karoli Baba, who was Ram Dass’s guru. In fact, he’s the one who gave the former Harvard clinical psychology professor, psychotherapist, and revolutionary Richard Alpert the new name of Ram Dass, meaning 'Servant of God'. Baba taught his devotees only this: "Love everyone, serve everyone and remember God." Underlying all this teaching was compassion: It’s all the same.


Fyodor Dostoyevsky, of the greatest novelists in all of world literature with many of his works considered to be highly influential masterpieces, wrote “Compassion is the chief law of human existence.” The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh consistently mentioned the importance of compassion over everything else. He said "I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion... Look at flowers, butterflies, trees, and children with the eyes of compassion. Compassion will change your life and make it wonderful.” He reminded us that action is required “Compassion is a verb.” John Holmes agrees “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” Jenni Schaefer reminds us that compassion begins with the Self and involves action. “Real hope combined with real action has always pulled me through difficult times. Real hope combined with doing nothing has never pulled me through.” We use pride to keep shame pushed down, but what we need to use is compassion.


The word compassion originates from the Latin compati (com means with and pati/passio means suffer) meaning 'to suffer with.' Passion means suffering and relates to the suffering of Christ on the cross. Our society is one in which we are all traumatised, even if we don't know it, and can be best described as a world where traumatised people go round deliberately traumatising other traumatised people. We are all drowning. But we are all the same. Why do people try to drown others? They do it because they are asleep and they are having nightmares that others are trying to drown them. They are not. The transformational journey is one of waking up: Compassion is an essential element of this.


Compassion


Jack Kornfield wrote “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”


The 'Five Levels of Compassion' were described so beautifully by my personal hero, the brilliant Dr. Gabor Maté: Please do watch any of his YouTube videos, they will literally change your life. Compassion is the way that we need to show up for ourselves and others as part of our individual and collective healing journey. Compassionate Inquiry is a psychotherapeutic method developed by Dr. Gabor Maté that reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world: Behind the masks that we wear. Dr. Gabor Maté says that "We are all like the rest of us." This is the basis of compassion. The five levels of compassion are:


1. Ordinary human compassion. This is the same as empathy. We don’t want someone to suffer. It’s the brain system that cares for others. Even rats have this. Most of us have that care system for other human beings. Otherwise children wouldn’t survive. Not everyone has this. A fellow sentient being is suffering and we don’t want them to suffer. This is not enough. It’s necessary but not enough.


2. The compassion of understanding. "I want to understand why you are suffering." What happened. WHY are you suffering? Why are you addicted?


3. The compassion of recognition. We don’t see ourselves as different from each other. We are one. "I don’t see myself as different from you."


4. The compassion of Truth. Jesus said "I want you to know the Truth. I am not trying to protect you from the Truth. I believe that the Truth will liberate you." You can ask anything from anybody. Even if it brings pain or sadness. As the Truth is necessary.


5. The compassion of possibility. When you look at even the most rejected person you see them without judgement as the full human being that they are and that can be manifested. You are aware of that possibility. This is the level of compassion that we aim for in Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). I see and speak to the highest version of a person and it brings it to life for them, free of ego. Compassion is the only thing we can actually give anyone. To see another without judgement is the first step to them having Self-compassion and Self-worth. Compassion is the antidote to shame.


The Five Levels of Compassion by Dr. Gabor Maté


Trauma and Compassion from the Trauma Superconference (Trauma and Awakening) by Dr. Gabor Maté


Pema Chödrön wrote that "Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognise our shared humanity."


The inner critic the superego (above the ego) tells us we haven’t got what it takes. This is the internalised voice of our parents who tell us that we aren’t good enough. There was wisdom behind this voice originally to ensure our survival or they wanted the best for us (even if it's not who we want to be). The deeper wisdom is: "I am alone and only 2 years old" (what I call the ego - the petrified young us). We start to believe "If I work hard enough maybe I will be loved or be loveable?" These adaptations have a purpose but they outstay their welcome. Like a life raft (the coping mechanism) to cross a torrent (our childhood) that we don't need any more. Attachment is a very vulnerable state to be in. So you develop ways to seek attachment that are not so vulnerable where you don’t have to ask for it. You were hurt when you were small so you want to develop less vulnerable ways of BEing: If you weren't loved, heard, seen or recognised for who you were.



You then depersonalised the attachment. You became consumed by attracting attention and external validation: By trying to be attractive, Photoshopping your images in Instagram, buying expensive clothes or having cosmetic surgery. Or you tried to win approval: Through success, achievement or accolades. As Dr. Gabor Maté says "The world rewards you for betraying your Self... Are you following a calling or being driven? If you are following a calling you are in charge. If you are being driven, you are not in the driver's seat. You are like a leaf being driven by the wind, tumbling and tumbling. Eventually you end up in trouble." You might have tried to be important and sought status eg. by helping others - by becoming a doctor; or by becoming a lawyer; or an actor (craving the limelight). Or you tried to become very nice so that you were liked - you became a 'people pleaser'. You might have become very charming."



The superego (inner critic) delivered shame to our very core: It can all be addressed with compassion. How does one cultivate Self-compassion when one never had it? The compassionate presence of another allows Self-compassion. We all need an Enlightened Witness. It is human interaction in an awakened state where we feel compassion from another that allows us to have Self-compassion. The Buddha did it alone: For the rest of us we need another person: Coaching from a place of presence truly helps. This is why I start all my Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) coaching sessions with a meditation into presence. I will see, hear and value you without judgement.


Judgement

Plato wrote “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” When the anger from projection takes root in our heart, compassion is choked out. Carl Jung wrote “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” Buddha said “Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge” and “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger... Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Nelson Mandela echoed “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy.” A Chinese proverb sums this up "If you hold on to resentment, you may as well dig two graves." Make peace with your past so that it won't disturb your future.


Steve Maraboli said “How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgemental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey… It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.”


Saint Francis Of Assisi wrote “If you have men who will exclude any of God’s creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.” Dr. Gabor Maté says that "Only when compassion is present, will people allow themselves to see the Truth." This is why the tabloid press, which has no compassion as they are selling their souls to sell copy, is not after the Truth and they are incapable of seeing it even if it slapped them in the face. Mahatma Gandhi said “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet”....and neither should you! Why would you go through the pain of awakening and allow others who have not done the difficult inner work to make any comments about you? Albert Camus wrote “It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.” Mother Theresa said “I would rather make mistakes in kindness and compassion than work miracles in unkindness and hardness.” Why is Truth so important and powerful? It's because anything else apart from Truth will create suffering for everyone. Our essential nature is Truth. When we reject Truth we reject who we are. If you put anything ahead of Truth you create suffering. So much suffering is caused by people refusing to look at the Truth. That’s why the Buddha talked about the Four Noble Truths. The Dalai Lama XIV says in 'The Art of Happiness' “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” The Dalai Lama XIV said “Compassion is the radicalism of our time.” A shift to compassion is required if we want to survive as a species. His Holiness wrote “The topic of compassion is not at all religious business; it is important to know it is human business, it is a question of human survival.”


Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. Walt Whitman, poet and journalist, wrote “Be curious, not judgemental.” Jesus said “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.” Friedrich Nietzsche said “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Rumi wrote "Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." This is a beautiful way to live. If you want to find peace and serenity in life, let go of judgement (as well as attachment and resistance).


Why is compassion so important?

Compassion is essential to Enlightenment: This is a state of expanded consciousness, of permanent bliss, similar to the feeling of seeing a magnificent sunset over the sea; when you dive deeply into meditative presence or feel unconditional love. "If there are people you haven't forgiven, you're not going to really awaken. You have to let go"(Eckhart Tolle).


The brilliant German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer wrote "Compassion is the basis of morality." Meister Eckhart, the German philosopher and scholar, wrote "You may call God love, you may call God goodness. But the best name for God is compassion."


Lao Tzu wrote in the 'Tao Te Ching' "Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of BEing. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world."


How does compassion differ from empathy?

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathy is not enough. It is not enough to just understand where people are coming from. If empathy is our ability to walk in another’s shoes and feel what they must feel: Then compassion is our eagerness to act from a place of love within our empathy. Sometimes actions do not look like actions as they may involve simply holding the space for another living soul to be whatever they are in that moment. But make no mistake, without compassion we simply do not flourish individually or as a whole.


Is compassion the same thing as love?

The Dalai Lama XIV said "Love is the absence of judgement." The Buddha said “True love is born from understanding.” Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” Realising that all of us are guilty of only one thing: The human condition. Our one great Truth is to make every choice from a place of love.


Einstein has the final word

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty" (Albert Einstein).


Namaste.


These are the emotions that I have covered for you in my series on emotions (click on the link to be taken to them):


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



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Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


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