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Updated: Jul 17, 2024

As promised, following on from Chapter 1 'My Story', here is the second chapter of my soon to be published book, and it's all about YOU. I will see the highest version of you until you see and choose it for your Self.


We are living on a dysfunctional, dystopian Earth right now. Pain is the pandemic that has never left us. And it’s getting worse.


Are you in pain right now? Pain comes from fear and unexpressed emotion. Do you feel the fear? Is it a background anxiety or dread? Sometimes even a terror or panic attacks? An existential angst? An anorexia of the soul? A disconnection from your true Self? A spiritual hunger? Fear has many names, but it is the buried emotion of the petrified seven-year-old you who never grew up; your ego: We are Peter Pan on Prozac.


We wake up in fear: We bathe in it. We are all at sea, drowning in fear, and pulling ourselves onto each other to save ourselves. What we perceive is a sea full of people trying to drown us, but the reality is that we are all think that we are drowning and we are just trying to save ourselves.


Yet, there is a way out – a lifeboat, but only we can pull ourselves up into it. We carry so much pain that it weighs us down like a rather large rock in a rucksack and stops us from saving ourselves. We need to feel then surrender that pain: See it for what it is and let it go. We need to drop the rock. Feeling is healing. If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.


Love is the bridge between you and everything. Love is the choice of who you are being. It's time to invoke your 'God-Mode.' If you keep reading this book you will understand how and why...


Your story


We also feel the fear as emptiness, disassociation, feeling dead inside, and feel that we are disconnected from ‘home’, from ourselves, and from each other. We are, and that is the problem. We catastrophise: We are convinced that the worst will surely happen, and we fear that we may not survive. Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world. It is fear that leads to every type of conflict and war. All our interpersonal problems stem from a fear of other people. Most people are kind and compassionate and want to love and be loved unconditionally, we just don’t see it, and we don’t know how to. Think of the German and British troops in the first world war playing football in the trenches on a truce on Christmas day. They were told by their generals that if they did it again that they would be court-marshalled. The war would have been over. The war machine would have failed. We really don’t want to hurt each other. But we do. Why? The answer is simple: Fear.


Our fear comes from not feeling worthy, that we are unlovable, unloved, and that this means that we will be abandoned by our loved ones and that therefore we will die. Fear is the product of our thoughts: A perceived danger of the future; or rather, of not being able to control it. This perception spoils our appreciation of life; of the now. Fear is the language of the ego. Fear is a liar. Fear does not exist in reality. You can’t pour a cup of fear. Yet we somehow manage to drink cupfuls of fear every day. You can only create fear in your mind. FEAR is almost always False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil. Evil is not real. Fear is just a story, a false narrative that we tell ourselves and each other and even come to believe, fuelled by the fear and false narratives of others who are all also living in fear: Our very own bogeyman.


I hear you. I have felt your pain. As I write this, I feel your fear. It resonates deeply with me. I have felt it to the core of my being. It has kept me in bed for days at a time, weeks even, too afraid to leave the protection of my duvet. Too afraid to trust anyone. Too afraid to do anything, utterly disabled. We all feel it, this all-pervasive emotional agony that affects every part of our lives, shapes all our interactions and connections with others (or rather causing a lack of genuine, authentic connections) and creates the world as we see it. It is a dark veil, a prism of a vast illusion through which we see the world. It is the only bungee rope that holds us back from being limitless.


Fear causes us to react, not respond. We are reactors instead of being actors in our lives. We have all become addicted to drama, conflict, and chaos. We are hooked on negative thinking. We don’t always know it, but we are. As soon as we wake up, before even getting out of bed, we pick up our smartphone, and seek the latest items of bad news, just to confirm our fear that the world is a terrible and terrifying place. We check our messages, emails, and social media, our index finger hovering over the multitude of options for drama.


We get out of bed every morning, grudgingly, anxiously, and rev up our nervous system with caffeine. Not one cup, but two before we leave the house. Is it surprising that no-one ever smiles on the London Underground or wherever it is that you commute? Is it true that one can get arrested in some countries for smiling at strangers? I don’t know, but probably, seeing how fearful everyone is. We are too wired with stress hormones. We crave that first after-work pint or glass of wine: A socially acceptable remedy. We have become parent-aholics. We even need wine to get through bath-time with our children. Surely bath-time is the highlight of our day – being totally present with our children?


Fear is as useful as a chocolate teapot or a rocking chair - it keeps you busy but doesn’t get you anywhere. We just can’t see a way out. Was this always the case for us? No.


When you see the gaze of a baby, it is filled with joy, peace, presence, awe, possibility, vitality, zest, serenity, hope, and unconditional love. Even puppies have the same gaze. What happened to us humans to make us grow up to live in fear as our norm? And how does fear affect our subconscious behaviour? Is there a solution?


Well, yes there is. And deep down you know it. That’s what this book is about: You don’t have to live like this. It's simply that until now you have chosen to live like this. Aristotle the Greek philosopher wrote “Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man.” What did he mean by that? The world is full of children. By that I mean that almost every one of us goes through life as our terrified seven-year-old selves. We are in Neverland: Never to grow up, and even as our bodies age, our egos refuse to do so. There are no adults. We are wounded children in the scary playground that is the world. Self-centred fear, or egoic reaction, is the default position of our seven-year-old selves; our ego. Our assertive adult Self, our true Self, our real Self, our soul, or our ‘Higher Self’ (these terms all mean the same thing) speaks quietly (and is sometimes called the ‘fragile ego’ which is a misnomer as it is our true source of strength) and sits on the side-lines until there is reason enough to wake them up: Like a half-interested inverted helicopter parent, and show up for the game that is life, work, relationships; everything really. A great loss, a nervous breakdown, or ‘hitting rock bottom’ will do the trick nicely, thank you. There is nothing like a sudden metaphorical punch in the face to awaken our adult true fearless Self: Through trauma there is transformation. If we are ‘lucky’ enough for this to happen, our seven-year-old inner child is set free to play (which is all it really wants to do, as well as feeling safe, protected, seen, valued, heard, safe, and loved unconditionally) and there may be an instantaneous shift into our Higher Self.


But how to open the flower bud that is tightly closed? The bud that refuses to open? The CEO who barks at their executives because their offerings might bring into question their ego, or the surgeon who throws her (or his) instruments around the operating theatre like a toddler lobbing their toys out of their push chair: Well, there is a challenge! We are all on a spiritual journey: We just don’t all realise it yet: But we will. That is why you are reading this book. The day will come when the risk to remain tight in a bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom.



We are each born unique with a purpose that will contribute to the whole. That is our worth. Our worth is who we are. It is not conditional or negotiable. It is not just our parents who are at fault. Society tells us that we must be, achieve, or have this or that to fit a mould that will benefit society. We are forced to put on a mask and lose our authenticity through a fracturing of our psyche.


So, we are doubly-bound: We become enslaved to attachment, while hiding our true Selves in the shadows. We become ‘hungry ghosts’. We are insatiable in seeking a solution to our intolerable, unbearable pain and fear. We become disconnected from ourselves. You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself. People are afraid because they have never owned up to themselves. We are only as sick as our secrets. Many of the wounds we have carried with us since childhood stem from skewed internal belief systems that are deeply ingrained in us. We leave authenticity behind in our cradle in favour of external validation and survival through attachment. We are unaware. Lacking any sense of unconditional love, we seek ‘imitation love’ as a substitute, in the form of material possessions, power, money, and sexual relationships. We go through life unconscious and asleep. If you are reading this book, take heed, you might just wake up, if you are ready to begin.


If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. We create our own version of 'Hell' or 'Heaven' inside of us with our incessant ‘monkey’ minds (a Buddhist term). Once we realise that it is our choice which of these we create we can make that choice daily. This is the golden key that unlocks every door. I will guide you to finding that key inside of you and turning the lock. You may even find that the door was always open. But you have to say "Yes!" to this journey within. In Revelation 3:7 and Isaiah 22:22 it says "He has the key that belonged to David, and when he opens a door, no one can close it. Behold, I have put before you an open door which no one can shut."


Benjamin Fry, in his book 'The Invisible Lion' describes that our adult fears are appropriate responses to threats from childhood that no longer exist. It’s time to let go of our childhood traumas and realise that they had nothing to do with us. There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. Think of the little man pretending to be the powerful wizard in 'The Wizard of Oz'. Yet the monsters never go away by themselves. Not without inner work. That is what this book is about: Moving from pain to peace.


For those habituated to high levels of internal stress since early childhood, it is the absence of stress that creates unease, evoking boredom and a sense of meaninglessness. People may become addicted to their own stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. We are hooked on fear and drama. We don’t crave peace. We are so used to the highs and inevitable ensuing lows that serenity is alien to us. Drama is what sells tabloid newspapers – we hope that others’ misfortune may momentarily distract us from our own. What a soulless task that must be. This is fuelled by the psychological phenomenon of projection. Projection is the subconscious projection onto another of what we do not accept in our self. We don't see people as they are. We see people as we are. Projection is one finger pointing that way, but that leaves three fingers pointing back at ourselves. When you have an emotional reaction to what you see, you are judging. That is your signal that you have an issue inside of yourself - with yourself - not with the other person. Everyone is using projection as a way of not looking inwards. If you have feelings of shame, you project them onto others. Our greatest fear is that others will remind us of our disconnected inauthentic selves that we are so profoundly ashamed of.


Shame is the deepest of the negative emotions, a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs our ability to see reality. It makes us see through the veil of illusion. If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of your Self. What isn't part of our Selves doesn't disturb us. Blame disguises your feeling that you are a terrified child who needs taking care of when that’s a universal condition. We are all victims of victims of victims ad infinitum. Many of us have an unbridled fear-based ego. This is the human condition. This is the human predicament. We can either choose to perpetuate the cycle or break free from it. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people. Transformed people transform people. It’s that simple.



We are all conditioned to judge each other. Those who judge do not understand and those who understand do not judge. We each need to stop being the cause of war in each other’s lives. Inside you is the cause of every war. It is your violence, hidden and denied, that leads to wars of every kind, whether it is war inside your home, against others in society, or between nations. We are sharing in a shared self and contributing to the collective unconscious. Denial is powerful. The shadow is secretive. We all need to stop holding up negativity as a beacon. It represents a deep sense of inferiority in ourselves. When we are unhappy, we blame others. The whole problem, and the basis of our fear, is that we have forgotten who we are, and we don’t love ourselves enough, if at all. We justify our pain and anger by putting blame on the actions of others. We blame them for all the unhappiness that we have carried since childhood. Until we understand that we must do the inner work, we can’t understand that others aren’t actually to blame, and even if they are, we can’t do anything about it. We need to get to know and love ourselves, accept our incontrovertible self-worth and find joy. 


Those who have healed deep emotional wounds and come through the other side have not only developed courage, strength, wisdom, and compassion for others, but they can also become the light of inspirational change in others. We can be beacons of light rather than harbingers of hate and darkness. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. When we openly share our lived experiences and our Truth with vulnerability and authenticity, and use our wisdom to help others to heal, it has a ripple effect that continues to radiate outwards. Those who have experienced the greatest pain will have boundless compassion, which is the superpower of initiating self-compassion in others. Compassion and unconditional love are the only two things that you can truly give of your Self to another; and you can only do that if you possess them your Self. This is what will heal the world. But we each need to choose to do the inner work necessary for this to happen.


Our lives really could be seen as consisting of peace, interspersed with a series of choices. We can remain present, with an alert stillness throughout. The power of presence, the now, is a timeless Truth. In Matthew 6:34 Jesus said “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: For the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” The solution is to ask your Self the question when you face each choice during each interaction with others: “Do I choose fear or love?” Or “What would my loving, compassionate Higher Self choose to do now?” Every human thought, word, act, behaviour and character is based on one emotion or the other: Fear or love. Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here. Who will you hire to run your life? Your terrified, projecting, blaming, chaotic, egocentric, childish self, or your fearless assertive adult Higher Self, spreading compassion and love? This is a path out of your personal and our collective 'Hell' into peace, joy and love. It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. The path of wisdom and Truth is clear, we just don’t see it until our lives become so unbearable that this way is the only way. We each have our purpose in reminding each other that there is another path. We just need to hear the calling and choose to follow it, in every moment.


To choose your Higher Self, you firstly need to find out who you truly are. What are your core values? What are your core beliefs? We will explore all these concepts in this book. Sun Tzu, the author of The Art of War, wrote “If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.” The ‘enemy’ is your own ego. The ego of others need not be your concern.


Once you realise that you are on the right path, you will trust that your fear will disappear. Fear and trust do not walk the same path. Trust is another word for Faith. I love this very short story: “Fear knocked on the door of the house. Faith opened the door. There was no-one there.” There is no bogeyman. 


Rosa Parks, the first lady of civil rights, said “I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.


As I said above, there are two basic motivating forces: Fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.


Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life. Charles Darwin introduced the theory of evolution based on survival and the struggle for life. A modern day evolution is a higher one, a path that leads us out of fear, struggle and survival and into peace, real love, and joy. The beauty of taking the journey out of fear, is that you will lose the mistrust that you have of other people and start to truly connect with others. Before you can make this simple choice, there is a journey that you must undertake, a Hero’s Journey. Finding your Self is half the journey, and one that we will take together in this book. I will be your guide to leading your Self out of fear: The only way out is inwards. And the only way inwards is to surrender, again and again. Don’t worry if you don’t even know what these words mean: I had to Google them all when I started my journey four years ago! I will explain everything as we go, so you can put Siri, Google, and your phone down. The second half is to connect with others with authenticity, integrity, openness, willingness, vulnerability, and unconditional love. This will be your strength. In the Upanishad, the Hindu Scripture it states “Who sees all beings in his own Self, and his own Self in all beings, loses all fear.” It is our separateness that causes fear and hate.


Joseph Campbell wrote of the Hero’s Journey “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” This is the paradox that your ego tries to capitalise on, telling you that this path is the road to certain death, whereas the converse is true. It is in the darkest cave that your soul will find its greatest rewards. You will need courage to enter this cave. The ego is a liar, using any ruse to stop you from taking this journey. The ego will tell you that you are afraid, lacking courage, and are powerless, just as in the 'Wizard of Oz': Despite his initial lack of courage, the Cowardly Lion embarks on a journey with Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man, and ultimately discovers his own courage within himself.


Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears. But it is in fact the way of the ego that leads to disaster and personal powerlessness. Ego is what drives us to addiction. It also drives us to hate. My ego and its fear was the cause of my writer’s block, which is what held me back from writing this book, after a four year journey of Self-discovery. But as you can see, I made the choice to enter the cave, today, so that I may guide you. My mentor Christopher Caddy, a truly exceptional being, and whose parents set up ‘The Vatican of the North’ in Findhorn, Scotland, guided me with hope and courage. It is by passing on his teachings and signposting that I will pass it forwards. Chris’ mother Eileen Caddy wrote “Start living and working for the whole (instead of just for your egoic self) and see how your entire outlook and attitude will change.”


Synchronicity is real: It is a concept introduced by the genius psychiatrist, psychotherapist, founder of analytical psychology, and spiritual Master Carl Gustav Jung to describe circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection. He stated that “Synchronicity is an ever-present reality for those who have eyes to see.” My father was called Christopher, my mentor is Christopher, one of my given middle names is Christopher, my best early childhood friend was called Christopher, and my first stepfather was called Christieson. Christopher means Christ-bearer. I deeply value the teachings of Jesus, a human being and philosopher with infinite potential, just like you, who was crucified out of egoic fear by those around him, yet rose from the dead to give hope to millions. I hope that this book will lead you to the treasure that you seek. Your resurrection is your transformation.


Fear has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.


There is a tale of the two wolves inside us all. One is evil: It is fear, anger, jealousy, greed, lies, inferiority, ego and resentment. The other is good: It is joy, courage, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, compassion, wisdom, and Truth. Which one wins in the fight that is life? The answer is the one you feed. Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey. Someone, somewhere, will say, "Don’t do it. You don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness." This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, "I am the wilderness." Are you?


We need to find out who we truly are and how the world works. When faced with life’s inevitable ‘obstacles’ and challenges (more on this in later chapters) will you choose to remain seated at the seat of ease, the seat of your soul, and not accept the invitation to drama? Do you remain a witness or do you rush in to join the fight and become a suspect at the scene? This may all seem hard to understand and fathom right now, so I will elucidate further in the rest of the book, to present you with this simple solution to living fearlessly. We will share metaphors, true stories, timeless Truths, wisdom, and signposts in my articles and books to read, to give you a cosmic view on your life and the decisions to make at the forks in the road. If every one of us made the choice to follow the path out of fear there would be no hate, no interpersonal conflict, and no war. We don’t need to fix anyone or the world, we need to do the inner work, and collectively we will automatically heal the world.


So, if fear is so horrid, why are we so addicted to it and why is still at the top of the charts as the number one emotion of our times? It’s because our ego deceives us - it tells us that we need to be afraid in order to survive. It is terrified of being annihilated. It has a loud brash voice. But the paradox is that what kills us and destroys our soul, and eventually our very lives, is our own fear. Our Higher Self is our way out of fear. But our Higher Self only speaks softly to us. We need to retune our ears and listen in the silence. The key is who we choose to be - our egoic self or our Higher Self. It’s a daily choice to choose love and your Higher Self. This is the true path.


How does this pain manifest in our society? Most of us are spiritually dis-eased. And this is harming our psyches. Mental illness is the next pandemic and it’s already upon us.

Are you struggling right now? Around 10 million people experience depression or anxiety (7 million) every week in the United Kingdom, with one in four people experiencing it every year. That's one person in every household. 35 million people suffer from anxiety in any given year in the United States. Mental illness is a global pandemic and it's already here. The number of people suffering from mental illness is currently unprecedented and spiralling upwards. The amount of people with common mental health problems went up by 20% between 1993 to 2014, in both men and women.


Being human is not a disease, yet our ‘civilisation’ is a petri dish of emotional pathology.

A 2022 survey of children and young people’s mental health found that 18% of children aged 7-16 had a probable mental disorder in 2022, up from 12% in 2017. The United Nations Declaration states that "Humankind owes to the child the best it has to give." Plato, perhaps the greatest philosopher of all time, said "Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence." Among those aged 17-19, 10% (one in ten) had a mental disorder in 2017, rising to 26% (over a quarter) in 2022. 


Nearly half (43%) of adults (25 million people in England) think that they have had a diagnosable mental health condition at some point in their lives. 61% of adults with mental health conditions don’t access treatment due to stigma. 98% of people agree that mentally ill people experience stigma and discrimination. Nearly 9 out of 10 people with mental health problems say that stigma and discrimination have a negative effect on their lives.


14% of deaths worldwide, or approximately eight million deaths each year, are attributable to mental disorders. This is the same as the total number of COVID-19 deaths so far; and it's every year. There are one million suicides per year: That is one every 40 seconds. 1 in 5 people in England (approximately 11 million adults) have suicidal thoughts. Suicide kills 18 people every day in the UK. There is an alarming increase in suicidal intentions amongst women. These are horrific statistics.


822,000 people suffered from common mental health problems like stress, depression or anxiety due to their workplace in 2020/21. 55% of workers say their employment has an adverse effect on their mental health. 71% of the people would worry about telling their employer if they had a mental health condition, for fear of getting a negative response.


74% of UK adults have felt so stressed at some point over the last year they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope. Do you feel like this? Or does someone in your family or friendship group?


In the UK the total cost to employers of mental health problems among their staff is estimated at nearly £26 billion each year. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) found that promoting the mental wellbeing of employees can yield economic benefits for the business or organisation, in terms of increased commitment and job satisfaction, staff retention, improved productivity and performance, and reduced staff absenteeism. And it's the right thing to do!


Wellbeing needs to become a mainstream issue, not a 'nod' from an untrained human resources department.

 

A staggering 85% of doctors have experienced mental health issues. Forty one per cent of affected doctors did not discuss their issues with anyone, through fear, and a quarter (24%) felt that there is a stigma attached to mental health issues. Yet the institutions that are supposed to look after doctors are failing miserably.


As a society, we are doing it all wrong. As Dr Gabor Maté wrote "Illness in this society, physical or mental, they are not abnormalities. They are normal responses to an abnormal culture. This culture is abnormal when it comes to real human needs." For many, simply being alive has become intolerably painful.



In the book by Frank Tallis 'The Act of Living' it states that "The incidence of mental illness has become so high that the provision of care for those affected is no longer possible." Wellbeing and psychological health have been awarded special significance in 'happiness economics', though very little has changed. All unhappy countries eventually become poor countries. Psychological problems are the most common reason for people taking time off work. Hundreds of billions of dollars are lost annually. The economic burden of depression alone on the US economy is estimated at 210 billion dollars per year, a figure greater than the combined Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of many smaller countries, due to reduced productivity and 'early retirement'. Based on 2010 data, the global economic cost of mental illness was calculated to be 2.5 trillion dollars. And yet medical institutions and government bodies continue to bury their heads in the sinking quick-sand, pretending that it isn't happening right now.

 

According to the WHO, various indices of the severity of mental illness have quadrupled in recent years. Rates of self-harm in the UK have doubled between 2000 and 2014. A recent 2019 study published in the Lancet has shown that this rate has increased from 6.5% to 19.7% in girls and women from 16 to 24 years old. There were 71 million prescriptions for anti-depressant medication in the UK in 2018, double the figure for 2008, only a decade earlier. These figures describe a Dystopian society in crisis. Current statistics suggest that so many people are affected by psychological problems that what we have previously called abnormal is becoming increasingly typical. Even those who are not ill are not functioning optimally.


 

It's no wonder that we are mentally ill. The very nature of our 'Hustle', 'profit-before-people,' culture is making us all ill: We are treated as though we are all disposable. Actually we are indispensable - when the majority of human beings are mentally ill because of the dictates of our culture, we all really need to take a stand on this, changing our culture to one of compassionate leadership. The data shows that 85% of people are dysfunctional. The norm is dysfunctionality.


Mental wellbeing is critical to our survival as a species. Up to 300,000 people with mental health problems lose their jobs each year. Today, it will be you or one of your loved ones.

 


At the end of the day: You are you. Don’t dwell on labels. Labels are dehumanising forms of judgement. We are all on a spectrum, including you, and everyone else that you know, love, and meet, and only you know who you truly are. You need to find your Self deep inside and stop your fearful ego mind from constantly identifying with the negative self-talk, 'catastrophising', and projection from others. You do this by becoming more mindful and through meditation: You do this by getting out of your mind, and into your heart. As LadyJennie Jerome Churchill, the mother of Sir Winston Churchill, wrote "All natures are in Nature." It's freeing to realise that we are all unique, worthy, human BEings. We are all blessed by having similarities (in that we all have the human condition) and differences, which should be celebrated. Perfectionism only leads to inauthenticity, reaffirmation of the false notion that we are not worthy, and self-sabotage. The problem lies in the stigma and judgement from those  who lack understanding, clarity, compassion, and wisdom: This is why they judge. As William Shakespeare, the world number one author and spiritual Master, wrote in Hamlet "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Cut anything, and anyone, who judges you out of your life. Let them go, right now. They are toxic to who we are as human beings. They are toxic to your soul and to theirs. The ego is who everyone thinks that they are. The soul is who we truly are. Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge.

 

Perhaps, then, the pandemic is not one of mental illness: Perhaps it is a pandemic of judgement. The pandemic of judgement is far more deadly and evil than the pandemic of mental illness. The pandemic of mental illness was made by Nature and is unconscious, at least until you do the inner work to make it conscious: The pandemic of judgement, however, is man-made, and conscious. This is actually good news though: We can do something about it. We can stop judging if we choose to. Who are we to judge anyway? Judging is the domain of the tabloid press, toxic Twitter tweets, and trolls. People, organisations, and institutions judge in others what they cannot forgive in themselves. Toxicity and judgement therefore come from those who are disconnected with reality, themselves and each other. Their judgement comes from projection, which is when people project onto others what they can't face and deny in themselves.

 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wrote "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that... Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness... There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." We are all human beings: We are all different yet equally worthy, beautiful, and loveable souls. Because we all feel like we are drowning right now, which we are not, and all is actually well, we all try to drown each other in an attempt to save ourselves. It needn't be that way. The way out is through understanding, forgiveness, and compassion: For oneself and others. Healing the world involves us all walking each other home. If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light. Everyone is struggling right now: Wellbeing is critical to every industry. As a doctor who has suffered from mental illness, I feel qualified to give my views on the pandemic that no-one is talking about: The pandemic of mental illness that is already upon us, like an invisible tsunami; as well as the pandemic of judgement. Do you feel like you are struggling right now? If we turn our back on these two tsunamis and pretend that they aren't happening then we will lose mothers and fathers, partners, sons and daughters. We may even not survive as a species. And we will certainly lose our souls.

 

Elyn R Saks, a professor, lawyer, psychiatrist, and mental health advocate wrote in her autobiography ‘The Centre Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness’ that “Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces.”

 

The brilliant German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer wrote "Compassion is the basis of morality." Meister Eckhart, the German philosopher and scholar, wrote "You may call God love, you may call God goodness. But the best name for God is compassion." The Dalai Lama XIV says in 'The Art of Happiness' “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” The Dalai Lama XIV said  that “Compassion is the radicalism of our time.” A shift to compassion is required if we want to survive as a species. His Holiness wrote “The topic of compassion is not at all religious business; it is important to know it is human business, it is a question of human survival.” The world-renowned researcher Professor Brené Brown wrote "What we don't need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human." She continues that her academic research showed that the shaming culture we live in makes it harder than ever to show courage and be vulnerable – and somebody had to speak out. 'People are sick and tired of being afraid all the time.'" As Marianne Williamson said in her book 'Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey From Suffering to Enlightenment' "Being human is not a disease." She continued, that the epidemic of depression that we are seeing is a "Collective cry for the healing of our hearts." Mahatma Gandhi said “The problem with the world is that humanity is not in its right mind.” We need therapy less than we need a collective healing of the institutions that 'govern' us. We are being bathed in toxicity and we are expected to cope. We are not coping.


At no point in my medical career did I have a mental health assessment, despite having been employed in over a dozen leading teaching hospitals in London and Cambridge. When I crossed professional boundaries due to mental illness that I was unaware of, I was treated utterly inhumanely, and the institutions that are meant to care for those caring for patients heaped shame and trauma on me, despite their awareness of my childhood trauma, my severe depression, my generalised anxiety disorder and my compulsivity. Shame, trauma, and mental illness were the result of my dysfunctional childhood: How could anyone possibly think that giving a further dose of trauma and shame to someone who was mentally ill as a result of trauma and shame would be a good or compassionate idea, or serve anyone? They also decapitated me rather than allowing me to participate fully free from stigma and discrimination, as recommended by the WHO. To have suffered childhood trauma and the unbearable pain of abandonment from one's own family and then to receive the same from one's profession after so many years (over two decades and 14,000 operations) of dedication to it is very challenging to bear. Doctors who are mentally ill (85% of all doctors) are terrified of seeking treatment as we know that the regulatory bodies are so antiquated and lacking of any compassion that they intend only to destroy us. Their only tool is decapitation (erasure). After a three year wait, while I was suspended from practising medicine, I was cross-examined for seven hours, including speaking about my childhood trauma, which should not be done in a non-therapeutic setting, as anyone medically trained would know. It was nothing short of a horrific experience. I would never wish that trauma and horror on anyone. I am not sure how many people would survive it.

 

Recovery involves a journey of personal transformation to recover your true Self. What saved my life was not psychiatry or psychotherapy, but it was having a guide who had a modern, all-encompassing view of how the world, life and people operate.

 

Carl Jung, the founding father of modern psychiatry and psychoanalysis described the journey of mental healing as one of transformation which “Can only happen to you when you walk on a path, which leads you to a higher understanding… Through a reeducation of the mind.” This letter was written in 1961. That was 62 years ago. Though it seems to have been largely ignored. This is the path that I have walked.

 

Henry David Thoreau wrote "Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." Mental illness is an opportunity to thrive in possibility and find your Real Personal Power.

 

The Archbishop of Canterbury recently said that "Everyone is a mess." The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that 42% of U.S. adults exhibited symptoms of anxiety or depression in 2021. Globally, this figure is 70% according to Gallup. Two in three (66%) of GPs in the UK say that the proportion of patients needing help with their mental health has increased in the last 12 months. Anxiety and depression can destroy wellbeing and eventually the economy. This is especially the case for small businesses, which is where almost 50% of us are employed. Yet mental health isn't taken as seriously as physical wellbeing because doctors understand physical problems so much better than mental problems. In addition, there is much stigma around mental illness, as well as a lack of awareness, and a lack of compassion, especially from the medical community. Mental wellbeing remains a medical 'blind spot' compared with physical wellbeing. This is an astonishing fact in 2024. Chronic and worsening underfunding of mental health is a reflection of this.

 

What can be done to combat this pandemic of pain, fear, and mental illness? Firstly, we need increased awareness. This means removing all stigma around mental illness, as well as introducing education programmes. Despite progress in some countries, people with mental health conditions often experience severe human rights violations, discrimination, and stigma, according to a WHO statement. Bill Clinton wrote “Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.“ In the scientific article 'Mental illness-related stigma in healthcare' it summarises that "Mental illness-related stigma, including that which exists in the healthcare system and among healthcare providers, has been identified as a major barrier to access treatment and recovery, as well as poorer quality physical care for persons with mental illnesses... An organisational culture that promotes staff health and wellbeing and is committed to combatting stigma in patient care is likely to have a positive impact on staff and patient safety as well as the financial bottom line."

 

Glenn Close wrote "What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candour, and more unashamed conversation." The eminent psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler Ross wrote "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

 

Secondly, we need to take immediate action to identify, address, treat, and if possible, reverse the condition once a person is experiencing mental illness. Sadly, the waiting lists on the National Health Service for psychotherapy are over 18 months. This is true even for patients who are suicidal. I know this to be a fact through personal experience. There is a chronic global shortage of mental health resources. This is a horrifyingly atrocious situation. Mental health support needs to be immediately available to all. The WHO states that “Many mental health conditions can be effectively treated at relatively low cost, yet the gap between people needing care and those with access to care remains substantial. Effective treatment coverage remains extremely low.”

 

Thirdly, mental wellness checkups need to become as routine and socially acceptable as any other checkup or investigation such as blood pressure checks and COVID-19 tests. Screening tools need to be developed for easy use and access to mental health services.


 

We are doing it all wrong. As Dr Gabor Maté wrote in his brilliant book 'The Myth of Normal' “Work pressures, multitasking, social media, news updates, multiplicities of entertainment sources - these all induce us to become lost in thoughts, frantic activities, gadgets, meaningless conversations. We are caught up in pursuits of all kinds that draw us on not because they are necessary or inspiring or uplifting, or because they enrich or add meaning to our lives, but simply because they obliterate the present.” Anxiety comes from living in the future. Depression and fear come from living in the past. Peace is only found in the present. As the therapist Shanon L Alder wrote "The true definition of mental illness is when the majority of your time is spent in the past or future, but rarely living in the realism of NOW.”

 

Is this all there is? The human brain has not evolved biologically in the last 10,000 years, so it is likely that our human condition is attributable to modern life. Modernity refers to technological changes arising after the industrial revolution. There does not appear to be such a thing as 'civilisation'. Sigmund Freud used the word 'malaise' or 'discomfort.' We have evolved to live in one environment, but we actually live in another. The faster our environment changes, the faster our brains get left behind. We now spend much of our lives in cyberspace. There is nothing inherently wrong with the internet, but much of our malaise and psychological dysfunction appears to have arisen from our limited capacity to make swift, healthy adaptations, particularly so with respect to social media. Mental illness, especially in the young, has been linked with screen time. Yearly surveys in over one million respondents show a sudden decrease in psychological wellbeing and life satisfaction after 2012. Experts have concluded that this is related to the rapid adoption of smartphones by adolescents. Tim Berners-Lee, the man who invented the internet, said that "Humanity, connected by technology on the web, is functioning in a dystopian way."


 

My two suicide attempts almost four years ago were, thankfully for me and my family, unsuccessful. Why was I brought to my knees by mental illness, and so close to death? As Albert Einstein wrote "God doesn't play dice." I believe that I was brought to my knees so that I would pray. I was brought close to death so that I could go through a psychological and 'spiritual rebirth'. Confronting the fear of death, our deepest fear, is an integral part of any spiritual journey. It is as important now for spiritual seekers meditating in their living rooms, as it was thousands of years ago when initiates prayed in the temples of their favourite deities. The most powerful coaching, even for top executives, is 'Deep Coaching' or Transformative Life Coaching (TLC): Without such a shift in perception from the ego to our true Self or soul we end up living small and safe, making decisions with our ego minds rather than our souls. This limits our possibility for life, being held back by primal fear and false beliefs.

 

To live the spiritual life (I don't mean religion, which is very different to spirituality), we must learn how to 'die and be reborn'. The 'Dark Night of The Soul' is when we take the deep plunge and come to terms with the buried aspects of us that crave death, both from our current life, our childhood trauma, and the past. It is only in coming to terms with these dark parts of ourselves that we can be free of the shadow of death, and truly live the lives our souls desire. In John 3 "Jesus answered, ‘I tell you the Truth, no one can enter the Kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to Spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, `You must be born again.’" Buddha said “Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.” It is this new life that puts the fire inside you to fuel your dreams.

 

I had a greater purpose than being a cosmetic plastic surgeon: My 'psychological death', and my freedom from the chains of expectation of such a dysfunctional, dystopian society, have allowed me to embrace the purpose that I was born for: As my given names (Olly Alexander) mean, to be a ‘peaceful defender of men’, who turns pain into peace and shame into Self-love by hearing your Truth and your intuition that come from the highest version of you, when you are able to be vulnerable, you may be open and express your emotions through your heart. This is a calling, rather than being driven. When you are driven, you are not in control. We need Enlightened Witnesses to guide us. I have become a Transformative Life Coach for men who are in pain, fear, and shame. I have been where you are, I have felt your despair, I have suffered your pain, and I know the way forwards. The way out is through. The way in is the key to everything you ever dreamed of.

 

For wellbeing, be a creator not a consumer. I love to create, through my writing, to bring clarity to profound timeless philosophical Truths. Piet Mondrian, the inspired artist, wrote “Art is the path to being spiritual.”

 

In addition to the above, I would say that when one has a nervous breakdown, there is no ‘guide’ as to what to do next, when one has no hope at all. I was very fortunate that my family contacted my General Practitioner, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. This led me to having a host of treatments and therapies, as well as coaching, mentoring, and discovering the transformative path to mental health recovery. Psychiatric input numbed my pain enough to get through each day. Psychology unravelled me and made my subconscious childhood trauma conscious. Coaching saved my life, or rather I saved my life through Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). To me, it was essential. All these modalities were essential to my recovery. Having a guide was indispensable. My coach and I have now parted company as he felt that I needed to leap into the void to learn how to fly. And I have.

 

For clarity I have outlined the main differences between therapy and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) in the table below. The crossover is in that both disciplines include elements of positive psychology. This is a big crossover, using the same metaphors for healing and recovering your true Self.

 

 

 

Each form of therapy is like a tool used to rebuild you - with its purpose but also with side-effects - like using a hammer but accidentally hitting your thumb. Sometimes a combination of tools (different therapies) is required to heal you. Sometimes other metaphors for Truth and forms of support are needed, like yoga in the treatment of trauma (as recommended in the brilliant book, and 'Bible of trauma', ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by the leading expert Bessel van der Kolk). Sometimes a view of the whole toolbox, but also a view on what limitations the toolbox has, how the repairs/foundations are proceeding, and how well the building being erected is evolving, are all required. This is the domain of Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Faith is seeing the gleaming tower even before it is built. The TLC coach can see your path in a way that the therapist can't, unless they have had TLC training, as they are too close in and unaware of the 'blind-spots' in their tools.


William Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth “Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, Raze out the written troubles of the brain”. Rooted sorrows are impediments to growth and healing. They make us anxious and depressed and may cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They redefine us according to our limitations rather than our potential and possibility. Today it is assumed that most psychological problems have their ultimate provenance in historical events. This is even more true in PTSD. "If it’s hysterical it’s historical" as many psychotherapists say. PTSD leads to flashbacks and nightmares: Those affected avoid situations that remind them of the traumatic experience. Distressing memories become a fixed feature of who we are. We can’t travel back in time. But we can accommodate and achieve closure. What underlies psychological adjustment? We are all exposed to inevitable turbulences in life. Talking about negative life events in a safe environment is associated with long term psychological adjustment. Suppression provides only temporary relief of your emotional pain.

 

According to the above WHO definition of mental health (as opposed to mental illness, which lies in the disciplines of psychiatry and psychology) mental health is a “State of wellbeing in which the individual realises his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.” There is much overlap here with TLC. This is why my guide was critical to my recovery: He was very much a 'survival guide'. He was an Enlightened Witness who truly understood my path as a result of having walked it before me. I feel strongly that it’s not just enough to have a therapist anymore. We all also need an accountability partner. Someone to speak with regularly. Someone with compassion, love, and understanding. It is so important to be listened to, as we have all the answers inside of us, but we need to verbalise them to someone else who does not judge us in order to hear them ourselves. Let me be your guide back to wellbeing in addition to your medical support. We all need an Enlightened Witness on the path of recovering our true Selves. I have met some brilliant holistic psychiatrists, usually those who have walked the path themselves. But I have also met some who have zero wisdom about what it means to truly heal your soul, who have clearly never read any of Carl Jung. They unravel you, don't heal you, and may cause more damage than they heal. I saved my Self, and I did it through TLC coaching. Only you can truly save your Self.


As Elizabeth Gilbert said “Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?” Friedrich Nietzsche believed that embracing difficulty is essential for a fulfilling life, and he considered the journey of Self-discovery one of the greatest and most fertile existential challenges. He wrote "Any human being who does not wish to be part of the masses need only stop making things easy for himself. Let him follow his conscience, which calls out to him: ‘Be yourself!’ Every young soul hears this call by day and by night and shudders with excitement at the premonition of that degree of happiness which eternities have prepared for those who will give thought to their true liberation. There is no way to help any soul attain this happiness, however, so long as it remains shackled with the chains of opinion and fear. And how hopeless and meaningless life can become without such a liberation! There is no drearier, sorrier creature in Nature than the man who has evaded his own genius and who squints now towards the right, now towards the left, now backwards, now in any direction whatever... No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. There may be countless trails and bridges and demigods who would gladly carry you across; but only at the price of pawning and forgoing yourself. There is one path in the world that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!... Let the young soul survey its own life with a view of the following question: ‘What have you truly loved thus far? What has ever uplifted your soul, what has dominated and delighted it at the same time?’ Assemble these revered objects in a row before you and perhaps they will reveal a law by their Nature and their order: The fundamental law of your very Self. Compare these objects, see how they complement, enlarge, outdo, transfigure one another; how they form a ladder on whose steps you have been climbing up to yourself so far; for your true Self does not lie buried deep within you, but rather rises immeasurably high above you, or at least above what you commonly take to be your 'I'... Even the most courageous among us only rarely has the courage to face what he already knows."

Carl Jung, the star in the pantheon of psychiatry said “Only what is really oneself has the power to heal.” In 'C.G. Jung Letters' he wrote "Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Without, everything seems discordant; only within does it coalesce into unity. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes." Jung said "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." Jesus had already said in Luke 4:23 "Physician, heal thyself." This is a biblical proverb meaning that people should take care of their own defects and not focus on correcting the projected faults of others. It is also the idea that you cannot fill the cup of others unless your cup is full, too. 


The compassion of possibility is when I look at even the most fearful person, I see them without judgement as the full human being that they are and that can be manifested. I am aware of that possibility. This is the level of compassion that we aim for in Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). I see and speak to the highest version of you and it brings it to life for you, free of ego. Compassion is the only thing we can actually give anyone. To be seen by another without judgement is the first step to you having Self-compassion, Self-worth and Self-love. Buddha said "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection." That is not vanity, that is wellbeing. Love, according to Albert Einstein, is the most powerful force in the Universe. Seneca, the Stoic Philosopher, said “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.” Always remember, as Max Lucado wrote, that "You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are."


Compassion is the antidote to toxic shame, an emotion which so many of us carry. Dr Gabor Maté wrote "Whereas individual people can become dislocated by misfortunes in any society, only a free-market society produces mass dislocation as part of its normal functioning, even during periods of prosperity... When people start to lose a sense of meaning and get disconnected, that's where disease comes from, that's where breakdown in our health - mental, physical, social health - occurs, the psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bruce Perry told me. If a gene or virus were found that caused the same impacts on the population's wellbeing as disconnection does, news of it would bellow from front-page headlines. Because it transpires on so many levels and so pervasively, we almost take it for granted; it is the water we swim in... Is it possible nevertheless that our consumer culture does make good on its promises, or could do so? Might these, if fulfilled, lead to a more satisfying life? When I put the question to renowned psychologist Tim Krasser, Professor emeritus of psychology at Knox College, his response was unequivocal. ‘Research consistently shows,’ he told me, ‘That the more people value materialistic aspirations as goals, the lower their happiness and life satisfaction and the fewer pleasant emotions they experience day to day. Depression, anxiety, and substance abuse also tend to be higher among people who value the aims encouraged by consumer society... As materialism promises satisfaction but, instead, yields hollow dissatisfaction, it creates more craving. This massive and self-perpetuating addictive spiral is one of the mechanisms by which consumer society preserves itself by exploiting the very insecurities it generates.’"

 

Consumerism is insatiable. It's an addiction. Just look at all the people wandering around shops at the weekend, like it's a pastime, regardless of their income, when the woods, parks, and forests are empty. Try taking an ipad off your toddler and see their reaction - we become addicted to consumerism from early childhood. Denis Waitly wrote “Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, Grace, and gratitude.” This is what I would call bliss and joy.

 

Dr Gabor Maté calls on us to get real “In many other spheres, including social media, we too often present an artificial, ‘Botoxed’ version of ourselves: an image not of who we are but of how we would like to be perceived by others. What we have with the internet is sort of a Botox for the masses. We have just lost this capacity to be real, which is fundamentally what makes us human, and what makes us feel connected to each other.” Authenticity is key to health. This is why so many of our celebrities are dying: They have a crisis of authenticity. The fracture of their psyche causes their mental illness. They are an extreme example of how everyone is becoming right now. People don't think that they will be loved for who they are. Dr Maté continues "The onset of inauthenticity may not be a choice, but with awareness and Self-compassion, authenticity can be.”


Psychologist Lauren Fogel Mersy wrote “Being able to be your true Self is one of the strongest components of good mental health.” It's a rarity in today's world. Paulo Coelho wrote "All stress, anxiety, depression, is caused when we ignore who we are, and start living to please others.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the psychiatrist who described the five stages of grief, wrote “It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive - to release our inner Selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.” Julian Seifter adds "You are not your illness. You have an individual story to tell. You have a name, a history, a personality. Staying your Self is part of the battle." You have the Power of your voice. Do not feel judged by those who are asleep. Neville Goddard wrote "All the honours of men in a state of sleep are as nothing."


Dr Gabor Maté wrote "Unless we can measure something, science won’t concede it exists, which is why science refuses to deal with such ‘non-things’ as the emotions, the mind, the soul, or the Spirit." In order to heal, we need to express our emotions, drop out of our negative thinking mind and into our open hearts, and connect with and become one with our soul, Higher Power, or true Self (these are all the same thing). As Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I have found that this always leads me out of fear, even where medication and therapy have failed. Many psychologists including Dr Gabor Maté feel that spiritual dis-ease underlies much of our mental illness.

 

The 18th century German philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who influenced the Age of Enlightenment, argued that a proper education is one that does not include constructs and institutions created by humans for the purpose of controlling other humans. A proper education is one that allows Nature to teach humans according to their nature. His philosophy contributed to the French Revolution, overthrowing man-made institutions hiding under the guise of civil society. His most famous statement was that "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.” He also said that "What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?.. No man has any natural authority over his fellow men... Man is naturally good, and that it is from these institutions alone that men become wicked.” Civilisation, then, is not so civilised. Similarly to Carl Jung, Rousseau said that human beings have the unique ability to change their nature through free choice, instead of being confined to natural instincts. Who you are being is a moment-to-moment choice once you become conscious. He believed that humans are able to choose in a way that improves their condition. These improvements could be lasting, leading not only to individual, but also collective change for the better. Together with human freedom, the ability to improve makes possible the historic evolution of humanity. He said "God made me and broke the mould." This is true for every one of us. We are all unique and our worth is not conditional on anything. He also said, "I prefer being a man with paradoxes than a man with prejudices." Prejudices are harmful judgements and are not based on reason.


My psychiatrist told me that Nature knows what it is doing, to trust the process, and to be patient. Dr Maté echoes “There arises the possibility of returning to what Nature has always intended for us: Once we resolve to see clearly how things are, the process of healing - a word that, at its root, means ‘returning to wholeness’ - can begin.” This is a remembering of who we are and integrating our inner child and our Higher Self to become whole.

Faith and spirituality are disciplines of healing that use the same metaphors as psychology and philosophy to explain how one heals a fractured psyche. The first recorded instance of Jesus, a human being who was one of the greatest philosophers of all time who always lived and made choices from his higher Self from BEing love, saying, “Your Faith has made you well” ( Matthew 9:22). Some versions of the Bible translate Jesus’ words as “Thy Faith hath made thee whole,” and, “Your Faith has healed you.” To me this is a metaphor for authenticity and integration of your inner child with your Higher Self. This shows how the various disciplines of positive psychology, philosophy, spiritually, and Faith are different ways of describing the same Truth. Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) is a blend of all these disciplines, which are all so effective in finding peace and wellbeing, because they are actually all based on the same Truth. The Venn diagram of these disciplines mostly involves the overlap: Which is the moment-to-moment choice of living from a place of love: A place of authentic wholeness and integrity.


Ram Dass the Harvard psychiatrist said that "Pain is the (ego) mind. It's the thoughts of the mind. Then I get rid of the thoughts, and I get in my witness, which is down in my spiritual heart. The witness that witnesses BEing. Then those particular thoughts that are painful - love them. I love them to death!” I too have found this to be such deep Truth. The key to joy, peace, and love are to never leave the seat of your soul.


Deepak Chopra wrote "The world sometimes feels like an insane asylum. You can decide whether you want to be an inmate or pick up your visitor's badge. You can be in the world but not engage in the melodrama of it; you can become a spiritual being having a human experience thoroughly and fully." Marianne Williamson, the presidential candidate wrote “The spiritual path – is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it... To trust in the force that moves the Universe is Faith. Faith isn't blind, it's visionary.” In my own experience the people who are the most successful in recovery are those who walk the spiritual path, without fail.

 

So, TLC brings together elements of traditional coaching, positive psychology, philosophy (including Stoicism and Existential Philosophy), wellbeing approaches, spirituality, and other timeless Truths to form a unique blend that allows you to step out of your fears and into infinite possibility for every area of your life.

 

TLC uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your Self afresh, with clarity, and step into new limitless ways of BEing, which will transform how you intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve, without the fears that are holding you back.


Deepak Chopra wrote “Enlightened leadership is spiritual if we understand spirituality not as some kind of religious dogma or ideology but as the domain of awareness where we experience values like Truth, goodness, beauty, love and compassion, and also intuition, creativity, insight and focused attention.” Amen to those.


Dr Edward Bach wrote "Disease is, in essence, the result of conflict between soul and mind (ego), and will never be eradicated except by spiritual and mental effort." We are all working towards our own mental health. Lack of unconditional love causes most mental and emotional illnesses. It’s not by chance that the word evolve contains the word love in it. The mind is the dwelling place of ego, and the heart is the dwelling place of the soul. You can feel it can't you?

 

Embarking on a spiritual journey entails stepping into the labyrinth of Self-discovery and consciousness. On this path, the wisdom of revered Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung can serve as a beacon of light. From understanding your unconscious, embracing your authentic Self, and acknowledging your relationship with the infinite, these words of wisdom from the legend that is Carl Jung will provide invaluable insights to guide your spiritual journey: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate... The world is changing, and I’m on the transition team. Awaken and shine your light for others to follow. The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are... The decisive question for man is: Is he related to something infinite or not?.. The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being... People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become Enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious... There is no coming to consciousness without pain." When asked if he believed in the existence of God, Carl Jung replied "I don't believe, I know." Yes, he was one of the leading psychiatrists of all time. The point of life is to create who and what you are, and then to experience that. Then Nature heals, you receive the Grace of God, and, as Amy Winehouse sang in her album 'Back to Black', "Tears dry on their own."

 

Rumi wrote “The soul has been given its own ears to hear things the mind does not understand.” He continued “If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.”


Eckhart Tolle wrote “Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behaviour. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.”


I am here. I see you. I hear you. There is nothing to fear, and nothing to be ashamed of. I have total compassion for you. I will never judge you. I will see the highest version of you until you see it for your Self and choose to be that version of you every single day. Let me be your guide…


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


I work with men who want to find their true Selves. Let me know if you would like to continue this conversation...






Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.


“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.” Olly Alexander Branford


My coaching themes and services for men: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.


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Hello,

I am very pleased to meet you. Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my website for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching.

See you soon,

Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD


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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.

 

 
 
 

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